Twelfth Night

ACT IV
Scene I. The Street before OLIVIA'S House.

[Enter SEBASTIAN and CLOWN.]

CLOWN
Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

SEBASTIAN
Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow;
Let me be clear of thee.

CLOWN
Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor I am not
sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her; nor your
name is not Master Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither.--
Nothing that is so is so.

SEBASTIAN
I pr'ythee vent thy folly somewhere else. Thou know'st not me.

CLOWN
Vent my folly! he has heard that word of some great man, and
now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great
lubber, the world, will prove a cockney.--I pr'ythee now, ungird
thy strangeness, and tell me what I shall vent to my lady. Shall
I vent to her that thou art coming?

SEBASTIAN
I pr'ythee, foolish Greek, depart from me;
There's money for thee; if you tarry longer
I shall give worse payment.

CLOWN
By my troth, thou hast an open hand:--These wise men that
give fools money get themselves a good report after fourteen
years' purchase.

[Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY, and FABIAN.]

SIR ANDREW
Now, sir, have I met you again? there's for you.

[Striking SEBASTIAN.]

SEBASTIAN
Why, there's for thee, and there, and there.
Are all the people mad?

[Beating SIR ANDREW.]

SIR TOBY
Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house.

CLOWN
This will I tell my lady straight. I would not be in some of
your coats for twopence.

[Exit CLOWN.]

SIR TOBY
Come on, sir; hold.

[Holding SEBASTIAN.]

SIR ANDREW
Nay, let him alone; I'll go another way to work with
him; I'll have an action of battery against him, if there be any
law in Illyria: though I struck him first, yet it's no matter for
that.

SEBASTIAN
Let go thy hand.

SIR TOBY
Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier,
put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on.

SEBASTIAN
I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now?
If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword.

[Draws.]

SIR TOBY
What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two of this
malapert blood from you.

[Draws.]

[Enter OLIVIA.]

OLIVIA
Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee hold.

SIR TOBY
Madam?

OLIVIA
Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,
Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,
Where manners ne'er were preach'd! Out of my sight!
Be not offended, dear Cesario!--
Rudesby, be gone!--I pr'ythee, gentle friend,

[Exeunt SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN.]

Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
In this uncivil and unjust extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby
Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go;
Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,
He started one poor heart of mine in thee.

SEBASTIAN
What relish is in this? how runs the stream?
Or I am mad/ or else this is a dream:--
Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!

OLIVIA
Nay, come, I pr'ythee. Would thou'dst be ruled by me!

SEBASTIAN
Madam, I will.

OLIVIA
O, say so, and so be!

[Exeunt.]