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"A millstone and the human heart,
Are ever driven round,
And if they've nothing else to grind,
They must themselves be ground."
It seemed to me that my mother was the person who really could
have been excused for having heart trouble. The more I watched
her, the more I wondered that she didn't. There was her own
life, the one she and father led, where everything went exactly
as she wanted it to; and if there had been only themselves to
think of, no people on earth could have lived happier, unless the
pain she sometimes suffered made them trouble, and I don't think
it would, for neither of them were to blame for that. They
couldn't help it. They just had it to stand, and fight the
stiffest they could to cure it, and mother always said she was
better; every single time any one asked, she was better. I hoped
soon it would all be gone. Then they could have been happy for
sure, if some of us hadn't popped up and kept them in hot water
all the time.
I can't tell you about Laddie when he came back from Pryors'. He
tore down the house, then tore it up, and then threw around the
pieces, and none of us cared. Every one was just laughing,
shouting, and every bit as pleased as he was, while I was the
Queen Bee. Laddie said so, himself, and if he didn't know, no
one did. Pryors had been lovely to him. When mother asked him
how he made it, he answered: "I rode over, picked up the
Princess and helped myself. After I finished, I remembered the
little unnecessary formality of asking her to marry me; and she
said right out loud that she would. When I had time for them, I
reached Father and Mother Pryor, and maybe it doesn't show, but
somewhere on my person I carry their blessing, genially and
heartily given, I am proud to state. Now, I'm only needing
yours, to make me a king among men."
They gave it quite as willingly, I am sure, although you could
see mother scringe when Laddie said "Father and Mother Pryor." I
knew why. She adored Laddie, like the Bible says you must adore
the Almighty. From a tiny baby Laddie had taken care of her. He
used to go back, take her hand, and try to help her over rough
places while he still wore dresses. Straight on, he had been
like that; always seeing when there was too much work and trying
to shield her; always knowing when a pain was coming and fighting
to head it off; always remembering the things the others forgot,
going to her last at night, and his face against hers on her
pillow the first in the morning, to learn how she was before he
left the house. If you were the mother of a man like that, how
would you like to hear him call some one else mother, and have
the word slip from his tongue so slick you could see he didn't
even realize that he had used it? The answer would be, if you
were honest, that you wouldn't have liked it any more than she
did. She knew he had to go. She wanted him to be happy. She
was as sure of the man he was going to be as she was sure of the
mercy of God. That is the strongest way I know to tell it. She
was unshakably sure of the mercy of God, but I wasn't. There
were times when it seemed as if He couldn't hear the most
powerful prayer you could pray, and when instead of mercy, you
seemed to get the last torment that could be piled on. Take
right now. Laddie was happy, and all of us were, in a way; and
in another we were almost stiff with misery.
I dreaded his leaving us so, I would slip to the hawk oak and cry
myself sick, more than once; whether any of the others were that
big babies I don't know; but anyway, they were not his Little
Sister. I was. I always had been. I always would be, for that
matter; but there was going to be a mighty big difference. I had
the poor comfort that I'd done the thing myself. Maybe if it
hadn't been for stopping the Princess when I took him that pie,
they never would have made up, and she might have gone across the
sea and stayed there. Maybe she'd go yet, as mysteriously as she
had come, and take him along. Sometimes I almost wished I hadn't
tried to help him; but of course I didn't really. Then, too, I
had sense enough to know that loving each other as they did, they
wouldn't live on that close together for years and years, and not
find a way to make up for themselves, like they had at the start.
I liked Laddie saying I had made his happiness for him; but I
wasn't such a fool that I didn't know he could have made it for
himself just as well, and no doubt better. So everything was all
right with Laddie; and what happened to us, the day he rode away
for the last time, when he went to stay--what happened to us,
then, was our affair. We had to take it, but every one of us
dreaded it, while mother didn't know how to bear it, and neither
did I. Once I said to her: "Mother, when Laddie goes we'll just
have to make it up to each other the best we can, won't we?"
"Oh my soul, child!" she cried, staring at me so surprised-like.
"Why, how unspeakably selfish I have been! No little lost sheep
ever ran this farm so desolate as you will be without your
brother. Forgive me baby, and come here!"
Gee, but we did cry it out together! The God she believed in has
wiped away her tears long ago; this minute I can scarcely see the
paper for mine. If you could call anything happiness, that was
mixed with feeling like that, why, then, we were happy about
Laddie. But from things I heard father and mother say, I knew
they could have borne his going away, and felt a trifle better
than they did. I was quite sure they had stopped thinking that
he was going to lose his soul, but they couldn't help feeling so
long as that old mystery hung over Pryors that he might get into
trouble through it. Father said if it hadn't been for Mr.
Pryor's stubborn and perverted notions about God, he would like
the man immensely, and love to be friends; and if Laddie married
into the family we would have to be as friendly as we could
anyway. He said he had such a high opinion of Mr. Pryor's
integrity that he didn't believe he'd encourage Laddie to enter
his family if it would involve the boy in serious trouble.
Mother didn't know. Anyway, the thing was done, and by fall, no
doubt, Laddie would leave us.
Just when we were trying to keep a stiff upper lip before him,
and whistling as hard as ever he had, to brace our courage, a
letter came for mother from the head of the music school Shelley
attended, saying she was no longer fit for work, so she was being
sent home at once, and they would advise us to consult a
specialist immediately. Mother sat and stared at father, and
father went to hitch the horses to drive to Groveville.
There's only one other day of my life that stands out as clearly
as that. The house was clean as we could make it. I finished
feeding early, and had most of the time to myself. I went down
to the Big Hill, and followed the top of it to our woods. Then I
turned around, and started toward the road, just idling. If I
saw a lovely spot I sat down and watched all around me to see if
a Fairy really would go slipping past, or lie asleep under a
leaf. I peeked and peered softly, going from spot to spot,
watching everything. Sometimes I hung over the water, and
studied tiny little fish with red, yellow, and blue on them,
bright as flowers. The dragonflies would alight right on me, and
some wore bright blue markings and some blood red. There was a
blue beetle, a beautiful green fly, and how the blue wasps did
flip, flirt and glint in the light. So did the blackbirds and
the redwings. That embankment was left especially to shade the
water, and to feed the birds. Every foot of it was covered with
alders, wild cherry, hazelbush, mulberries, everything having a
berry or nut. There were several scrub apple trees, many red
haws, the wild strawberries spread in big beds in places, and
some of them were colouring.
Wild flowers grew everywhere, great beds were blue with calamus,
and the birds flocked in companies to drive away the water
blacksnakes that often found nests, and liked eggs and bird
babies. When I came to the road at last, the sun was around so
the big oak on the top of the hill threw its shadow across the
bridge, and I lay along one edge and watched the creek bottom, or
else I sat up so the water flowed over my feet, and looked at the
embankment and the sky. In a way, it was the most peculiar day
of my life. I had plenty to think of, but I never thought at
all. I only lived. I sat watching the world go past through a
sort of golden haze the sun made. When a pair of kingbirds and
three crows chased one of my hawks pell-mell across the sky, I
looked on and didn't give a cent what happened. When a big
blacksnake darted its head through sweet grass and cattails, and
caught a frog that had climbed on a mossy stone in the shade to
dine on flies, I let it go. Any other time I would have hunted a
stick and made the snake let loose. To-day I just sat there and
let things happen as they did.
At last I wandered up the road, climbed the back garden fence,
and sat on the board at the edge of a flowerbed, and to-day, I
could tell to the last butterfly about that garden: what was in
bloom, how far things had grown, and what happened. Bobby flew
under the Bartlett pear tree and crowed for me, but I never
called him. I sat there and lived on, and mostly watched the
bees tumble over the bluebells. They were almost ready to be cut
to put in the buttered tumblers for perfume, like mother made for
us. Then I went into the house and looked at Grace Greenwood,
but I didn't take her along. Mother came past and gave me a
piece of stiff yellow brocaded silk as lovely as I ever had seen,
enough for a dress skirt; and a hand-embroidered chemise sleeve
that only needed a band and a button to make a petticoat for a
Queen doll, but I laid them away and wandered into the orchard.
I dragged my bare feet through the warm grass, and finally sat
under the beet red peach tree. If ever I seemed sort of lost and
sorry for myself, that was a good place to go; it was so easy to
feel abused there because you didn't dare touch those peaches.
Fluffy baby chickens were running around, but I didn't care;
there was more than a bird for every tree, bluebirds especially;
they just loved us and came early and stayed late, and grew so
friendly they nested all over the wood house, smoke house, and
any place we fixed for them, and in every hollow apple limb.
Bobby came again, but I didn't pay any attention to him.
Then I heard the carriage cross the bridge. I knew when it was
father, every single time his team touched the first plank. So I
ran like an Indian, and shinned up a cedar tree, scratching
myself until I bled. Away up I stood on a limb, held to the tree
and waited. Father drove to the gate, and mother came out, with
May, Candace, and Leon following. When Shelley touched the
ground and straightened, any other tree except a spruce having
limbs to hold me up, I would have fallen from it. She looked
exactly as if she had turned to tombstone with eyes and hair
alive. She stopped a second to brush a little kiss across
mother's lips, to the others she said without even glancing at
them: "Oh do let me lie down a minute! The motion of that train
made me sick."
Well, I should say it did! I quit living, and began thinking in
a hooray, and so did every one else at our house. Once I had
been sick and queened it over them for a while, now all of us
strained ourselves trying to wait on Shelley; but she wouldn't
have it. She only said she was tired to death, to let her rest,
and she turned her face to the wall and lay there. Once she said
she never wanted to see a city again so long as she lived. When
mother told her about Laddie and the Princess to try to interest
her, she never said a word; I doubted if she even listened.
Father and mother looked at each other, when they thought no one
would see, and their eyes sent big, anxious questions flashing
back and forth. I made up my mind I'd keep awake that night and
hear what they said, if I had to take pins to bed with me and
stick myself.
Once mother said to Shelley that she was going to send for Dr.
Fenner, and she answered: "All right, if you need him. Don't
you dare for me! I'll not see him. All I want is a little peace
and rest."
The idea! Not one of us ever had spoken to mother like that
before in all our born days. I held my breath to see what she
would do, but she didn't seem to have heard it, or to notice how
rude it had been. Well, that told about as plain as anything
what we had on our hands. I wandered around and now there was no
trouble about thinking things. They came in such a jumble I
could get no sense from them; but one big black thought came
over, and over, and over, and wouldn't be put away. It just
stood, stayed, forced you, and made you look it in the face. If
Shelley weren't stopped quickly she was going up on the hill with
the little fever and whooping cough sisters. There it was! You
could try to think other things, to play, to work, to talk it
down in the pulpit, to sing it out in a tree, to slide down the
haystack away from it--there it stayed! And every glimpse you
had of Shelley made it surer.
There was no trouble about keeping awake that night; I couldn't
sleep. I stood at the window and looked down the Big Hill
through the soft white moonlight, and thought about it, and then
I thought of mother. I guess now you see what kind of things
mothers have to face. All day she had gone around doing her
work, every few minutes suggesting some new thing for one of us
to try, or trying it herself; all day she had talked and laughed,
and when Sarah Hood came she told her she thought Shelley must be
bilious, that she had travelled all night and was sleeping: but
she would be up the first place she went, and then they talked
all over creation and Mrs. Hood went home and never remembered
that she hadn't seen Shelley. She worked Mrs. Freshett off the
same way, but you could see she was almost too tired to do it, so
by night she was nearly as white as Shelley, yet keeping things
going. When the house was still, she came into the room, and
stood at the window as I had, until father entered, then she
turned, and I could see they were staring at each other in the
moonlight, as they had all day.
Then those two people knelt on each side of that bed, and I could
hear half the words they muttered, until I was wild enough to
scream. I wished with all my heart that I hadn't listened. I
had always known it was no nice way. I must have gone to sleep
after a while, but when I woke up I was still thinking about it,
and to save me, I couldn't quit. All day, wherever I went, that
question of father's kept going over in my head. I thought about
it until I was almost crazy, and I just couldn't see where
anything about shame came in.
She was only mistaken. She thought he loved her, and he didn't.
She never could have been so bloomy, so filled with song,
laughter, and lovely like she was, if she hadn't truly believed
with all her heart that he loved her. Of course it would almost
finish her to give him up, when she felt like that; and maybe she
did wrong to let herself care so much, before she was sure about
him; but that would only be foolish, there wouldn't be even a
shadow of shame about it. Besides, Laddie had done exactly the
same thing. He loved the Princess until it nearly killed him
when he thought he had to give her up, and he loved her as hard
as ever he could, when he hadn't an idea whether she would love
him back, even a tiny speck; and the person who wasn't foolish,
and never would be, was Laddie.
The more I thought, the worse I got worked up, and I couldn't see
how Shelley was to blame for anything at all. Love just came to
her, like it came to Laddie. She would hardly have knelt down
and beseeched the Lord to make her fall in love with a man she
scarcely knew, and when she couldn't be sure what he was going to
do about it--not the Lord, the man, I mean. You could see for
yourself she wouldn't do that. I finished my work, and then I
tried to do things for her, and she wouldn't let me. Mother told
me to ask her to make Grace Greenwood the dress she had promised
when I was so sick; so I took the Scotch plaid to her and
reminded her, and she pushed me away and said: "Some time!"
I even got Grace, and showed Shelley the spills on her dress, and
how badly she needed a new one, but she never looked, she said:
"Oh bother! My head aches. Do let me be!"
Mother was listening. I could see her standing outside the door.
She motioned to me to come away, so I went to her and she was
white as Shelley. She was sick too, she couldn't say a word for
a minute, but after a while she kissed me, I could feel the
quivers in her lips, and she said stifflike: "Never mind, she'll
be better soon, then she will! Run play now!"
Sometimes I wandered around looking at things and living dully.
I didn't try to study out anything, but I must have watched
closer than I knew, for every single thing I saw then, over that
whole farm, I can shut my eyes and see to-day; everything, from
the old hawk tilting his tail to steer him in soaring, to a snake
catching field mice in the grass, lichens on the fence, flowers,
butterflies, every single thing. Mostly I sat to watch something
that promised to become interesting, and before I knew it, I was
back on the shame question. That's the most dreadful word in the
dictionary. There's something about it that makes your face
burn, only to have it in your mind.
Laddie said he never had met any man who knew the origin of more
words than father. He could even tell every clip what
nationality a man was from his name. Hundreds of time I have
heard him say to stranger people, "From your name you'd be of
Scotch extraction," or Irish, or whatever it was, and every time
the person he was talking with would say, "Yes." Some day away
out in the field, alone, I thought I would ask him what people
first used the word "shame," and just exactly what it did mean,
and what the things were that you could do that would make the
people who loved you until they would die for you, ashamed of
you.
Thinking about that and planning out what it was that I wanted to
know, gave me another idea. Why not ask her? She was the only
one who knew what she had done away there in the city, alone
among strangers; I wasn't sure whether all the music a girl could
learn was worth letting her take the chances she would have to in
a big city. From the way Laddie and father hated them, they were
a poor place for men, and they must have been much worse for
girls. Shelley knew, why not ask her? Maybe I could coax her to
tell me, and it would make my life much easier to know; and only
think what was going on in father's and mother's heads and
hearts, when I felt that way, and didn't even know what there was
to be ashamed about. She wouldn't any more than slap me; and
sick as she was, I made up my mind not to get angry at her, or
ever to tell, if she did. I'd rather have her hit me when she
was so sick than to have Sally beat me until she couldn't strike
another lick, just because she was angry. But I forgave her
that, and I was never going to think of it again--only I did.
Mother kept sending Leon to the post-office, and she met him at
the gate half the time herself and fairly snatched the letters
from his hands. Hum! She couldn't pull the wool over my eyes.
I knew she hoped somehow, some way, there would be a big fat one
with Paget, Legal Adviser, or whatever a Chicago lawyer puts on
his envelopes. Jerry's just say: "Attorney at Law."
No letter ever came that had Paget in the corner, or anything
happened that did Shelley any good. Far otherwise! Just before
supper Leon came from Groveville one evening, and all of us could
see at a glance that he had been crying like a baby. He had
wiped up, and was trying to hold in, but he was killed, next. I
nearly said, "Well, for heaven's sake, another!" when I saw him.
He slammed down a big, long envelope, having printing on it,
before father, and glared at it as if he wanted to tear it to
smithereens, and he said: "If you want to know why it looks like
that, I buried it under a stone once; but I had to go back, and
then I threw it as far as I could send it, into Ditton's gully,
but after a while I hunted it up again!"
Then he keeled over on the couch mother keeps for her in the
dining-room, and sobbed until he looked like he'd come apart.
Of course all of us knew exactly what that letter was from the
way he acted. Mother had told him, time and again, not to set
his heart so; father had, too and Laddie, and every one of us,
but that little half-Arab, half-Kentucky mare was the worst
temptation a man who loved horses could possibly have; and while
father and mother stopped at good work horses, and matched
roadsters for the carriage, they managed to prize and tend them
so that every one of us had been born horse-crazy, and we had
been allowed to ride, care for, and taught to love horses all our
lives. Treat a horse ugly, and we'd have gone on the thrashing
floor ourselves.
Father laid the letter face down, his hand on it, and shook his
head. "This is too bad!" he said. "It's a burning shame, but
the money, the exact amount, was taken from a farmer in Medina
County, Ohio, by a traveller he sheltered a few days, because he
complained of a bad foot. The description of the man who robbed
us is perfect. The money was from the sale of some prize cattle.
It will have to be returned."
"Just let me see the letter a minute," said Laddie.
He read it over thoughtfully. He was long enough about it to
have gone over it three times; then he looked at Leon, and his
forehead creased in a deep frown. The tears slid down mother's
cheeks, but she didn't know it, or else she'd have wiped them
away. She was never mussy about the least little thing.
"The man must have his money," said father, "but we'll look into
this----"
He pushed back the plates and tablecloth, and cleared his end of
the table. Mother never budged to stack the plates, or
straighten the cloth so it wouldn't be wrinkled. Then father
brought his big account book from the black walnut chest in our
room, some little books, and papers, sharpened a pencil and began
going up and down the columns and picking out figures here and
there that he set on a piece of paper. I never had seen him look
either old or tired before; but he did then. Mother noticed it
too, for her lips tightened, she lifted her head, wiped her eyes,
and pretended that she felt better. Laddie said something about
doing the feeding, and slipped out. Just then Shelley came into
the room, stopped, and looked questioningly at us. Her eyes
opened wide, and she stared hard at Leon.
"You remember what I wrote you about a man who robbed us, and the
money Leon was to have, provided no owner was found in a
reasonable time; and the horse the boy had planned to buy, and
how he had been going to Pryors'--Oh, I think he's slipped over
there once a day, and often three times, all this spring! Mr.
Pryor encouraged him, let him take his older horses to practise
on, even went out and taught him cross-country riding
himself----"
Leon sobbed out loud. Shelley crossed the room swiftly, dropped
beside him and whispered something in his ear. Quick as a shot
his arm reached out and went around her. She hid her head deep
in the pillow beside him, and they went to pieces together.
Clear to pieces! Pretty soon father had to take off his glasses
and wipe them so he could see the figures. Mother took one long
look at him, a short one at Leon and Shelley, then she arose, her
voice as even and smooth, and she said: "While you figure,
father, I'll see about supper. I have tried to plan an extra
good one this evening."
She left the room. Now, I guess you know about all I can tell
you of mother! I can't see that there's a thing left. That was
the kind of soldier she was. Talk about Crusaders, and a good
fight! All the blood of battle in our family wasn't on father's
side, not by any means! The Dutch could fight too!
Father's pencil scraped a little, a bee that had slipped in
buzzed over the apple butter, while the clock ticked as if it
used a hammer. It was so loud one wanted to pitch it from the
window. May and I sat still as mice when the cat is near.
Candace couldn't keep away from the kitchen door to save her, and
where mother went I hadn't an idea, but she wasn't getting an
extra good supper. Shelley and Leon were quieter now. May
nudged me, and I saw that his arm around her was gripping her
tight, while her hand on his head was patting him and fingering
his hair.
Ca-lumph! Ca-lumph! came the funniest sound right on the stone
walk leading to the east door, then a shrill whicker that made
father drop his pencil. Leon was on his feet, Shelley beside
him, while at the door stood Laddie grinning as if his face would
split, and with her forefeet on the step and her nose in the
room, stood the prettiest, the very prettiest horse I ever saw.
She was sticking her nose toward Leon, whinnying softly, as she
lifted one foot, and if Laddie hadn't backed her, she would have
walked right into the dining-room.
"Come on, Weiscope, she's yours!" said Laddie. "Take her to the
barn, and put her in one of the cow stalls, until we fix a place
for her."
Leon crossed the room, but he never touched the horse. He threw
his arms around Laddie's neck.
"Son! Son! Haven't you let your feelings run away with you?
What does this mean?" asked father sternly.
"There's nothing remarkable in a big six-footer like me buying a
horse," said Laddie. "I expect to purchase a number soon, and
without a cent to pay, in the bargain. I contracted to give five
hundred dollars for this mare. She is worth more; but that
should be satisfactory all around. I am going to earn it by
putting five of Mr. Pryor's fancy, pedigreed horses in shape for
market, taking them personally, and selling them to men fit to
own and handle real horses. I get one hundred each, and my
expenses for the job. I'll have as much fun doing it as I ever
had at anything. It suits me far better than plowing, even."
Mother entered the room at a sweep, and pushed Leon aside.
"Oh you man of my heart!" she cried. "You man after my own
heart!"
Laddie bent and kissed her, holding her tight as he looked over
her head at father.
"I never have known of anything quite so altogether right," said
father. "Thank you, lad, and God bless you!"
He took Laddie's hand, and almost lifted him from the floor, then
he wiped his glasses, gathered up his books with a big, deep
breath of relief, and went into his room. If the others had
looked to see why he was gone so long, they would have seen him
on his knees beside his bed thanking God, as usual. Leon
couldn't have come closer than when he said, "The same yesterday,
to-day, and forever," about father.
Leon had his arms around the neck of his horse now, and he was
kissing her, patting her, and explaining to Shelley just why no
other horse was like her. He was pouring out a jumble all about
the oasis of the desert, the tent dwellers, quoting lines from
"The Arab to His Horse," bluegrass, and gentleness combined with
spirit, while Shelley had its head between her hands, stroking it
and saying, "Yes," to every word Leon told her. Then he said:
"Just hop on her back from that top step and ride her to the
barn, if you want to see the motion she has."
Shelley said: "Has a woman ever been on her back? Won't she shy
at my skirts?"
"No," explained Leon. "I've been training her with a horse
blanket pinned around me, so Susie could ride her! She'll be all
right."
So Shelley mounted, and the horse turned her head, and tried to
rub against her, as she walked away, tame as a sheep. I wondered
if she could be too gentle. If she went "like the wind," as Leon
said, it didn't show then. I was almost crazy to go along, and
maybe Leon would let me ride a little while; but I had a question
that it would help me to know the answer and I wanted to ask
father before I forgot; so I waited until he came out. When he
sat down, smiled at me and said, "Well, is the girl happy for
brother?" I knew it was a good time, and I could ask anything I
chose, so I sat on his knee and said: "Father, when you pray for
anything that it's all perfectly right for you to have, does God
come down from heaven and do it Himself, or does He send a man
like Laddie to do it for him?"
"Why, you have the whole thing right there in a nutshell, Little
Sister," he said. "You see it's like this: the Book tells us
most distinctly that `God is love.' Now it was love that sent
Laddie to bind himself for a long, tedious job, to give Leon his
horse, wasn't it?"
"Of course!" I said. "He wouldn't have been likely to do it if
he hated him. It was love, of course!"
"Then it was God," said father, "because `God is love.' They are
one and the same thing."
Then he kissed me, and that was settled. So I wondered when you
longed for anything so hard you really felt it was worth
bothering God about, whether the quickest way to get it was to
ask Him for it, or to try to put a lot of love into the heart of
some person who could do what you wanted. I decided it all went
back to God though, for most of the time probably we wouldn't
know who the right one was to try to awaken love in. I was
mighty sure none of us ever dreamed Laddie could walk over to
Pryors', and come back with that horse, in a way perfectly
satisfactory to every one, slick as an eel.
You should have seen Leon following around after Laddie, trying
to do things for him, taking on his work to give him more time
with the horses, getting up early to finish his own stunts, so he
could go over to Pryors' and help. Mother said it had done more
to make a man of him than anything that ever happened. It helped
Shelley, too. Something seemed to break in her, when she cried
so with Leon, because he was in trouble. Then he was so crazy to
show off his horse he had Shelley ride up and down the lane,
while he ran along and led, so she got a lot of exercise, and it
made her good and hungry. If you don't think by this time that
my mother was the beatenest woman alive, I'll prove it to you.
When the supper bell rang there was strawberry preserves instead
of the apple butter, biscuit, fried chicken, and mashed potatoes.
She must have slapped those chickens into the skillet before they
knew their heads were off. When Shelley came to the table, for
the first time since she'd been home, had pink in her cheeks, and
talked some, and ate too, mother forgot her own supper. She
fumbled over her plate, but scarcely touched even the livers, and
those delicious little kidneys in the tailpiece like Leon and I
had at Sally's wedding. When we finished, and it was time for
her to give the signal to arise, no one had asked to be excused,
she said: "Let us have a word with the Most High." Then she
bowed her head, so all of us did too. "O Lord, we praise Thee
for all Thy tender mercies, and all Thy loving kindness. Amen!"
Of course father always asked the blessing to begin with, and
mostly it was the same one, and that was all at meal time, but
this was a little extra that mother couldn't even wait until
night to tell the Almighty, she was so pleased with Him. Maybe I
haven't told everything about her, after all. Father must have
thought that was lovely of her; he surely felt as happy as she
did, to see Shelley better, for he hugged and kissed her over and
over, finishing at her neck like he always did, and then I be-
hanged, if he didn't hug and kiss every last one of us--tight,
even the boys. Shelley he held long and close, and patted her a
little when he let her go. It made me wonder if the rest of us
didn't get ours, so he'd have a chance at her without her
noticing it. One thing was perfectly clear. If shame came to
us, they were going to love her, and stick tight to her right
straight through it.
Now that everything was cleared up so, Shelley seemed a little
more like herself every day, although it was bad enough yet; I
thought I might as well hurry up the end a little, and stop the
trouble completely, so I began watching for a chance to ask her.
But I wanted to get her away off alone, so no one would see if
she slapped me. I didn't know how long I'd have to wait. I
tried coaxing her to the orchard to see a bluebird's nest, but
she asked if bluebirds were building any different that year, and
I had to admit they were not. Then I tried the blue-eyed Mary
bed, but she said she supposed it was still under the cling peach
tree, and the flower, two white petals up, two blue down, and so
it was. Just as I was beginning to think I'd have to take that
to the Lord in prayer, I got my chance by accident.
May and Candace were forever going snake hunting. You would
think any one with common sense would leave them alone and be
glad of the chance, but no indeed! They went nearly every day as
soon as the noon work was finished, and stayed until time to get
supper. They did have heaps of fun and wild excitement. May was
gentle, and tender with everything else on earth; so I 'spose she
had a right to bruise the serpent with her heel--really she used
sticks and stones--if she wanted to. I asked her how she could,
and she said there was a place in the Bible that told how a snake
coaxed Eve to eat an apple, that the Lord had told her she
mustn't touch; and so she got us into most of the trouble there
was in the world. May said it was all the fault of the snake to
begin with, and she meant to pay up every one she could find,
because she had none of the apple, and lots of the trouble.
Candace cried so much because Frederick Swartz had been laid in
the tomb, that mother was pleased to have her cheer up, even
enough to go snake hunting.
That afternoon Mehitabel Heasty had come to visit May, so she
went along, and I followed. They poked around the driftwood at
the floodgate behind the barn, and were giving up the place.
Candace had crossed the creek and was coming back, and May had
started, when she saw a tiny little one and chased it. We didn't
know then that it was a good thing to have snakes to eat moles,
field mice, and other pests that bother your crops; the Bible had
no mercy on them at all, so we were not saving our snakes; and
anyway we had more than we needed, while some of them were too
big to be safe to keep, and a few poison as could be. May began
to bruise the serpent, when out of the driftwood where they
hadn't found anything came its mammy, a great big blacksnake,
maddest you ever saw, with its pappy right after her, mad as ever
too. Candace screamed at May to look behind her, but May was
busy with the snake and didn't look quick enough, so the old
mammy struck right in her back. She just caught in the hem of
May's skirt, and her teeth stuck in the goods--you know how a
snake's teeth turn back--so she couldn't let go. May took one
look and raced down the bank to the crossing, through the water,
and toward us, with the snake dragging and twisting, and trying
her best to get away. May was screaming at every jump for
Candace, and Mehitabel was flying up and down crying: "Oh
there's snakes in my shoes! There's snakes in my shoes!"
That was a fair sample of how much sense a Heasty ever had. It
took all Mehitabel's shoes could do to hold her feet, for after
one went barefoot all week, and never put on shoes except on
Sunday or for a visit, the feet became so spread out, shoes had
all they could do to manage them, and then mostly they pinched
until they made one squirm. But she jumped and said that, while
May ran and screamed, and Candace gripped her big hickory stick
and told May to stand still. Then she bruised that serpent with
her whole foot, for she stood on it, and swatted it until she
broke its neck. Then she turned ready for the other one, but
when it saw what happened to its mate, it decided to go back.
Even snakes, it doesn't seem right to break up families like
that; so by the time Candace got the mammy killed, loose from
May's hem, and stretched out with the back up, so she wouldn't
make it rain, when Candace wasn't sure that father wanted rain, I
had enough. I went down the creek until I was below the orchard,
then I crossed, passed the cowslip bed, climbed the hill and
fence, and stopped to think what I would do first; and there only
a few feet away was Shelley. She was sitting in the shade, her
knees drawn up, her hands clasped around them, staring straight
before her across the meadow at nothing in particular, that I
could see. She jumped as if I had been a snake when she saw me,
then she said, "Oh, is it you?" like she was half glad of it. My
chance had come.
I went to her, sat close beside her and tried snuggling up a
little. It worked. She put her arm around me, drew me tight,
rubbed her cheek against my head and we sat there. I was
wondering how in the world I could ask her, and not get slapped.
I was growing most too big for that slapping business, anyway.
We sat there; I was looking across the meadow as she did, only I
was watching everything that went on, so when I saw a grosbeak
fly from the wild grape where Shelley had put the crock for sap,
it made me think of her hair. She used to like to have me play
with it so well, she'd give me pennies if I did. I got up, and
began pulling out her pins carefully. I knew I was getting a
start because right away she put up her hand to help me.
"I can get them," I said just as flannel-mouthed as ever I could,
like all of us talked to her now, so I got every one and never
pulled a mite. When I reached over her shoulder to drop them in
her lap, being so close I kissed her cheek. Then I shook down
her hair, spread it out, lifted it, parted it, and held up
strands to let the air on her scalp. She shivered and said:
"Mercy child, how good that does feel! My head has ached lately
until it's a wonder there's a hair left on it."
So I was pleasing her. I never did handle hair so carefully. I
tried every single thing it feels good to you to have done with
your hair, rubbed her head gently, and to cheer her up I told her
about May and the snake, and what fool Mehitabel had said, and
she couldn't help laughing; so I had her feeling about as good as
she could, for the way she actually felt, but still I didn't
really get ahead. Come right to the place to do it, that was no
very easy question to ask a person, when you wouldn't hurt their
feelings for anything; I was beginning to wonder if I would lose
my chance, when all at once a way I could manage popped into my
mind.
"Shelley," I said, "they told you about Laddie and the Princess,
didn't they?"
I knew they had, but I had to make a beginning some way.
"Yes," she said. "I'm glad of it! I think she's pretty as a
picture, and nice as she looks. Laddie may have to hump himself
to support her, but if he can't get her as fine clothes as she
has, her folks can help him. They seem to have plenty, and she's
their only child."
"They're going to. I heard Mr. Pryor ask Laddie if he'd be so
unkind as to object to them having the pleasure of giving her
things."
"Why, this! You know, Laddie was in love with the Princess, like
you are when you want to marry folks, for a long, long time,
before he could be sure whether she loved him back."
"Well, now, 'spose she never had loved him, would he have had
anything to be ashamed of?"
"I can't see that he would. Some one must start a courtship, or
there would be no marrying, and it's conceded to be the place of
the man. No. He might be disappointed, or dreadfully hurt, but
there would be no shame about it."
"Well, then, suppose she loved him, and wanted to marry him, and
he hadn't loved her, or wanted her, would she have had anything
to be ashamed of?"
"I don't think so! If she was attracted by him, and thought she
would like him, she would have a right to go to a certain extent,
to find out if he cared for her, and if he didn't, why, she'd
just have to give him up. But any sensible girl waits for a man
to make the advances, and plenty of them, before she allows
herself even to dream of loving him, or at least, I would."
"If that Paget man you used to write about had seemed to be just
what you liked, you'd have waited to know if he wanted you,
before you loved him, wouldn't you?"
"I certainly would!" answered Shelley. "Or at least, I'd have
waited until I thought sure as death, I knew. It seems that
sometimes you can be fooled about those things."
"But if you thought sure you knew, and then found out you had
been mistaken, you wouldn't have anything to be ashamed of, would
you?"
"Not-on-your-life-I-wouldn't!" cried Shelley, hammering each word
into her right knee with her doubled fist. "What are you driving
at, Blatherskite? What have you got into your head?"
"Oh just studying about things," I said, which was exactly the
truth. "Sally getting married last fall, and Laddie going to
this, just started me to wondering."
"Oh well, there's no harm done," she said. "The sooner you get
these matters straightened out, the better able you will be to
take care of yourself. If you ever go to a city, you'll find out
that a girl needs considerable care taken of her."
As I got up to start I took a last look at her, and there was
something in her face that I couldn't bear. I knelt beside her,
and put both arms around her neck.
"Shelley, it's a secret," I said in a breathless half whisper.
"It's a great, big secret, but I'm going to tell you. Twice now
I've had a powerful prayer all ready to try. It's the kind where
you go to the barn, all alone, stand on that top beam below the
highest window and look toward the east. You keep perfectly
still, and just think with all your might, and you look away over
where Jesus used to be, and when the right feeling comes, you
pray that prayer as if He stood before you, and it will come
true. I know it will come true. The reason I know is because
twice now I've been almost ready to try it, and what I intended
to ask for happened before I had time; so I've saved that prayer;
but Shelley, shall I pray it about the Paget man, for you?"
She gripped me, and she shook until she was all twisted up; you
could hear her teeth click, she chilled so. The tears just
gushed, and she pulled me up close and whispered right in my ear:
It was only pretend about the comb; what I really wanted was to
get to father and mother quick. I knew he was at the barn and he
was going to be too happy for words in a minute. But as I went
up the lane, I wasn't sure whether I'd rather pray about that
Paget man or bruise him with my heel like a serpent. The only
way I could fix it was to remember if Shelley loved him so, he
must be mighty nice. Father was in the wagon shovelling corn
from it to a platform where it would be handy to feed the pigs,
so I ran and called him, and put one foot on a hub and raised my
hands. He pulled me up and when he saw how important it was, he
sat on the edge of the bed, so I told him: "Father, you haven't
got a thing in the world to be ashamed of about Shelley."
"Praise the Lord!" said father like I knew he would, but you
should have seen his face. "Tell me about it!"
I told him and he said: "Well, I don't know but this is the
gladdest hour of my life. Go straight and repeat to your mother
exactly what you've said to me. Take her away all alone, and
then forget about it, you little blessing."
"No!" he said. "I wish I had a dozen more, if they'd be like
you."
When I went up the lane I was so puffed up with importance I felt
too dignified to run. I strutted like our biggest turkey
gobbler. The only reason you couldn't hear my wings scrape, was
because through mistake they grew on the turkey. If I'd had
them, I would have dragged them sure, and cried "Ge-hobble-
hobble!" at every step.
I took mother away alone and told her, and she asked many more
questions than father, but she was even gladder than he. She
almost hugged the breath out of me. Sometimes I get things
right, anyway! Then I took the comb and ran back to Shelley.
She had wiped up and was looking better. If ever I combed
carefully I did then. Just when I had all the tangles out, there
came mother. She had not walked that far in a long time. I
thought maybe she could comfort Shelley, so I laid the comb in
her lap and went to see how the snake hunters were coming on. It
must be all right, when the Bible says so, but the African Jungle
will do for me, and a popgun is not going to scatter families. I
never felt so strongly about breaking home ties in my life as I
did then. There was nothing worse. It was not where I wanted to
be, so I thought I'd go back to the barn, and hang around father,
hoping maybe he'd brag on me some more. Going up the lane I saw
a wagon passing with the biggest box I ever had seen, and I ran
to the gate to watch where it went. It stopped at our house and
Frank came toward me as I hurried up the road.
"Where are the folks?" he asked, without paying the least
attention to my asking him over and over what was in the box.
"May and Candace are killing every snake in the driftwood behind
the barn, Shelley and mother are down in the orchard, and father
and the boys are hauling corn."
"Go tell the boys to come quickly and keep quiet," he said. "But
don't let any one else know I'm here."
That was so exciting I almost fell over my feet running, and all
three of them came quite as fast. I stood back and watched, and
I just danced a steady hop from one foot to the other while those
men got the big box off the wagon and opened it. On the side I
spelled Piano, so of course it was for Shelley. It was so heavy
it took all six of them, father and the three boys, the driver
and another very stylish looking man to carry it. They put it in
the parlour, screwed a leg on each corner, and a queer harp in
the middle, then they lifted it up and set it on its feet, under
the whatnot, and it seemed as if it filled half the room. Then
Frank spread a beauteous wine coloured cover all embroidered in
pink roses with green leaves over it, and the stylish man opened
a lid, sat down and spread out his hands. Frank said: "Soft
pedal! Mighty soft!" So he smothered it down, and tried only
enough to find that it had not been hurt coming, and then he went
away on the wagon. Father and the boys gathered up every scrap,
swept the walk, and put all the things they had used back where
they got them, like we always did.
Then Frank took a card from his pocket and tied it to the music
rack, and it read: "For Shelley, from her brothers in fact, and
in law." To a corner of the cover he pinned another card that
read: "From Peter."
"That's from Peter," said Frank. "Peter is great on finishing
touches. He had to outdo the rest of us that much or bust. Fact
is, none of us thought of a cover except him."
"How about this?" asked father, staring at it as if it were an
animal that would bite.
"Well," said Frank, "it was apparent that practising her fingers
to the bone wouldn't do Shelley much good unless she could keep
it up in summer, and you and mother always have done so much for
the rest of us, and now mother isn't so strong and the expenses
go on the same with these youngsters; we know you were figuring
on it, but we beat you. Put yours in the bank, and try the feel
of a surplus once more. Haven't had much lately, have you,
father?"
"Now let's shut everything up, ring the bell to call them, and
get Shelley in here and surprise her."
"She's not very well," said father. "Mother thinks she worked
too hard."
"She's all right now, father," I said. "She is getting pink
again and rounder, and this will fix her grand."
Wouldn't it though! There wasn't one anywhere, short of the
city. Even the Princess had none. Father hunted up a song book,
opened it and set it on the rack. Then all of us went out.
"We'll write to the boys, mother and I, and Shelley also," said
father. "I can't express myself just now. This is a fine thing
for all of you to do."
Frank seemed to think so too, and looked rather puffed up, until
Leon began telling about his horse. When Frank found out that
Laddie, who had not yet branched out for himself, had given Leon
much more than any one of them had Shelley, he looked a little
disappointed. He explained how the piano cost eight hundred
dollars, but by paying cash all at once, the man took seven
hundred and fifty, so it only cost them one hundred and fifty a
piece, and none of them felt it at all.
"Sometimes the clouds loom up pretty black, and mother and I
scarcely know how to go on, save for the help of the Lord, but we
certainly are blest with good children, children we can be proud
of. Your mother will like that instrument as well as Shelley,
son," said father.
Frank went out and rang the bell, tolled it, and made a big noise
like he always did when he came unexpectedly, and then sat on the
back fence until he saw them coming, and went to meet them. He
walked between mother and Shelley, with an arm around each one.
If he thought Shelley looked badly, he didn't mention it. What
he did say was that he was starved, and to fly around and get
supper. I thought I'd burst. They began to cook, and the boys
went to feed and see Leon's horse, and then we had supper. I
just sat and stared at Frank and grinned. I couldn't eat.
"Do finish your supper," said mother. "I never saw anything take
your appetite like seeing your brother. You'll be wanting a
piece before bedtime."
I didn't say a word, because I was afraid to, but I kept looking
at Leon and he smiled back, and we had great fun. Secrets are
lovely. Mother couldn't have eaten a bite if she'd known about
that great shining thing, all full of wonderful sound, standing
in our parlour. When the last slow person had finished, father
said: "Shelley, won't you step into the front room and bring me
that book I borrowed from Frank on `Taxation.' I want to talk
over a few points."
All of us heard her little breathless cry, and mother said,
"There!" as if she'd been listening for something, and she beat
all of us to the door. Then she cried out too, and such a time
as we did have. At last after all of us had grown sensible
enough to behave, Shelley sat on the stool, spread her fingers
over the keys and played at the place father had selected, and
all of us sang as hard as we could: "Be it ever so humble,
There's no place like home;" and there was no place like ours, of
that I'm quite sure.