The room was very quiet; but presently Phronsie strayed in, and
seeing Polly studying, climbed up in a chair by the window to
watch the birds hop over the veranda and pick up worms in the
grass beside the carriage drive. And then came Mrs. Pepper with
the big mending basket, and ensconced herself opposite by the
table; and nothing was to be heard but the "tick, tick" of the clock,
and an occasional dropping of a spool of thread, or scissors, from
the busy hands flying in and out among the stockings.
All of a sudden there was a great rustling in Cherry's cage that
swung in the big window on the other side of the room. And then
he set up a loud and angry chirping, flying up and down, and
opening his mouth as if he wanted to express his mind, but
couldn't, and otherwise acting in a very strange and unaccountable
manner.
"It's Cherry," said Polly, lifting up her head from "Fasquelle,"
"and--oh, dear me!" and flinging down the pile of books in her lap
on a chair, she rushed across the room and flew up to the cage and
began to wildly gesticulate and explain and shower down on him
every endearing name she could think of.
"What is the matter?" asked her mother, turning around in her
chair in perfect astonishment. "What upon earths Polly!" "How
could I!" cried Polly, in accents of despair, not heeding her
mother's question. "Oh, mamsie, will he die, do you think?"
"I guess not," said Mrs. Pepper, laying down her work and coming
up to the cage, while Phronsie scrambled off from her chair and
hurried to the scene. "Why, he does act queer, don't he? P'raps he's
been eating too much?"
"Eating!" said Polly, "oh mamsie, he hasn't had anything." And she
pointed with shame and remorse to the seed-cup with only a few
dried husks in the very bottom.
"Oh, Polly," began Mrs. Pepper; but seeing the look on her face,
she changed her tone for one more cheerful. "Well, hurry and get
him some now; he'll be all right, poor little thing, in a minute.
There, there," she said, nodding persuasively at the cage, "you
pretty creature you! so you sha'n't be starved."
At the word "starved," Polly winced as though a pin had been
pointed at her.
"There isn't any, mamsie, in the house," she stammered; "he had
the last yesterday."
"And you forgot him to-day?" asked Mrs. Pepper, with a look in
her black eyes Polly didn't like.
"Well, he must have something right away," said Mrs. Pepper,
decidedly. "That?s certain."
"I'll run right down to Fletcher's and get it," cried Polly.
"Twon't take me but a minute, mamsie; Jasper's gone, and Thomas,
too, so I've got to go," she added, as she saw her mother hesitate.
"If you could wait till Ben gets home," said Mrs. Pepper, slowly.
"I'm most afraid it will rain, Polly."
"Oh, no, mamsie," cried Polly, feeling as if she could fly to the
ends of the earth to atone, and longing beside for the brisk walk
down town. Going up to the window she pointed triumphantly to
the little bit of blue sky still visible. "There, now, see, it can't rain
yet awhile."
"Well," said Mrs. Pepper, while Phronsie, standing in a chair with
her face pressed close to the cage, was telling Cherry through the
bars "not to be hungry, please don't!" which he didn't seem to mind
in the least, but went on screaming harder than ever! "And besides,
'tisn't much use to wait for Ben. Nobody knows where he'll get
shoes to fit himself and Joe and Davie, in one afternoon! But be
sure, Polly, to hurry, for it's getting late, and I shall be worried
about you.
"Oh, mamsie," said Polly, turning back just a minute, "I know the
way to Fletcher's just as easy as anything. I couldn't get lost."
"I know you do," said Mrs. Pepper, "but it'll be dark early on
account of the shower. Well," she said, pulling out her well-worn
purse from her pocket, "if it does sprinkle, you get into a car,
Polly, remember."
"And there's a five-cent piece in that one for you to ride up with,"
said her mother, tying up the purse carefully. "Remember, for you
to ride up with. Well, I guess you better ride up anyway, Polly,
come to think, and then you'll get home all the quicker."
"Where you going?" asked Phronsie, who on seeing the purse knew
there was some expedition on foot, and beginning to clamber
down out of the chair. "Oh, I want to go too, I do. Take me, Polly!"
"Oh, no, Pet, I can't," cried Polly, "I've got to hurry like
everything!"
"I can hurry too," cried Phronsie, drawing her small figure to its
utmost height, "oh, so fast, Polly!"
"And it's ever so far," cried Polly, in despair, as she saw the small
under lip of the child begin to quiver. "Oh, dear me, mamsie, what
shall I do!"
"Run right along," said Mrs. Pepper, briskly. "Now, Phronsie, you
and I ought to take care of Cherry, poor thing."
At this Phronsie turned and wiped away two big tears, while she
gazed up at the cage in extreme commiseration.
"I guess I'll give him a piece of bread," said Mrs. Pepper to herself.
At this word "bread," Polly, who was half way down the hall, came
running back.
"Oh, mamsie, don't," she said. "It made him sick before, don't you
know it did--so fat and stuffy."
"Well, hurry along then," said Mrs. Pepper, and Polly was off.
Over the ground she sped, only intent on reaching the bird store,
her speed heightened by the dark and rolling bank of cloud that
seemed to shut right down suddenly over her and envelop her
warningly.
"It's good I've got the money to ride up with," she thought to
herself, hurrying along through the busy streets, filled now with
anxious crowds homeward rushing to avoid the threatening
shower. "Well, here I am," she said with a sigh of relief, as she at
last reached Mr. Fletcher's big bird store.
Here she steadily resisted all temptations to stop and look at the
new arrivals of birds, and to feed the carrier-pigeons who seemed
to be expecting her, and who turned their soft eyes up at her
reproachfully when she failed to pay her respects to them. Even
the cunning blandishments of a very attractive monkey that always
had entertained the children on their numerous visits, failed to
interest her now. Mamsie would be worrying, she knew; and
besides, the sight of so many birds eating their suppers out of
generously full seed-cups, only filled her heart with remorse as she
thought of poor Cherry and his empty one.
So she put down her ten cents silently on the counter, and took up
the little package of seed, and went out.
But what a change! The cloud that had seemed but a cloud when
she went in, was now fast descending in big ominous sprinkles that
told of a heavy shower to follow. Quick and fast they came,
making everybody fly to the nearest shelter.
"I don't care," said Polly to herself, holding fast her little package.
"I'll run and get in the car--then I'll be all right."
So she went on with nimble footsteps, dodging the crowd, and
soon came to the corner. A car was just in sight--that was fine!
Polly put her hand in her pocket for her purse, to have it all
ready--but as quickly drew it out again and stared wildly at the car,
which she allowed to pass by. Her pocket was empty!
"Oh, dear," she said to herself, as a sudden gust of wind blew
around the corner, and warned her to move on, "now what shall I
do! Well, I must hurry. Nothing for it but to run now!"
And secretly glad at the chance for a good hearty run along the
hard pavements, a thing she had been longing to do ever since she
came to the city, Polly gathered her bundle of seed up under her
arm, and set out for a jolly race. She was enjoying it hugely,
when--a sudden turn of the corner brought her up against a
gentleman, who, having his umbrella down to protect his face,
hadn't seen her till it was too late.
Polly never could tell how it was done; but the first thing she knew
she was being helped up from the wet, slippery pavement by a kind
hand; and a gentleman's voice said in the deepest concern:
"I beg your pardon; it was extremely careless in me."
"It's no matter," said Polly, hopping up with a little laugh, and
straightening her hat. "Only--" and she began to look for her parcel
that had been sent spinning.
"What is it?" said the gentleman, bending down and beginning to
explore, too, in the darkness.
No need to ask for it now! There lay the paper wet and torn, down
at their feet. The seed lay all over the pavement, scattered far and
wide even out to the puddles in the street. And not a cent of money
to get any more with! The rain that was falling around them as
they stood there sent with the sound of every drop such a flood of
misery into Polly's heart!
"What was it, child?" asked the gentleman, peering sharply to find
out what the little shiny things were.
"Is that all?" said the gentleman with a happy laugh. "I'm very
glad."
"All!" Polly's heart stood still as she thought of Cherry, stark and
stiff in the bottom of his cage, if he didn't get it soon. "Now," said
the kind tones, briskly, "come, little girl, we'll make this all right
speedily. Let's see--here's a bird store. Now, then."
Even Cherry had better die than to do anything her mother
wouldn't like. But the gentleman already had her in the shop, and
was delighting the heart of the shop-keeper by ordering him to do
up a big package of all kinds of seed. And then he added a cunning
arrangement for birds to swing in, and two or three other things
that didn't have anything to do with birds at all. And then they
came out on the wet, slippery street again.
"Now, then, little girl," said the gentleman, tucking the bundle
under his arm, and opening the umbrella; then he took hold of
Polly's hand, who by this time was glad of a protector. "Where do
you live? For I'm going to take you safely home this time where
unbrellas can't run into you."
"Oh!" said Polly, with a little skip. "Thank you sir! It's up to Mr.
King's; and--"
"What!" said the gentleman, stopping short in the midst of an
immense puddle, and staring at her, "Mr. Jasper King's?"
"I don't know sir," said Polly, "what his other name is. Yes it must
be Jasper; that's what Jappy's is, anyway," she added with a little
laugh, wishing very much that she could see Jappy at that identical
moment.
"Jappy!" said the stranger, still standing as if petrified. "And are
there little Whitney children in the same house!"
"Oh, yes," said Polly, raising her clear, brown eyes up at him. The
gas lighter was just beginning his rounds, and the light from a
neighboring lamp flashed full on Polly's face as she spoke,
showing just how clear and brown the eyes were. "There's Percy,
and Van, and little Dick--oh, he's so cunning!" she cried,
impulsively.
The gentleman's face looked very queer just then; but he merely
said:
"Yes, sir, I am," said Polly, pleased to think he knew her. And then
she told him how she'd forgotten Cherry's seed, and all about it.
"And oh, sir," she said, and her voice began to tremble, "
Mamsie'll be so frightened if I don't get there soon!
"I'm going up there myself, so that it all happens very nicely," said
the gentleman, commencing to start off briskly, and grasping her
hand tighter. "Now, then, Polly."
So off they went at a very fast pace; she, skipping through the
puddles that his long, even strides carried him safely over,
chattered away by his side under the umbrella, and answered his
many questions, and altogether got so very well acquainted that by
the time they turned in at the old stone gateway, she felt as if she
had known him for years.
And there, the first thing they either of them saw, down in a little
corner back of the tall evergreens, was a small heap that rose as
they splashed up the carriage-drive, and resolved itself into a very
red dress and a very white apron, as it rushed impulsively up and
flung itself into Polly's wet arms:
"Oh dear me, Phronsie!" cried Polly, huddling her up from the
dark, wet ground. "You'll catch your death! What will mamsie
say!"
The stranger, amazed at this new stage of the proceedings, was
vainly trying to hold the umbrella over both, till the procession
could move on again.
"Oh!" cried Phronsie, shaking her yellow head decidedly, "they're
all looking for you, Polly." She pointed one finger solemnly up to
the big carved door as she spoke. At that Polly gathered her up
close and began to walk with rapid footsteps up the path.
"Do let me carry you, little girl," said Polly's kind friend
persuasively, bending down to the little face on Polly's neck.
"Oh, no, no, no!" said Phronsie, at each syllable grasping Polly
around the throat in perfect terror, and waving him off with a very
crumpled, mangy bit of paper, that had already done duty to wipe
off the copious tears during her anxious watch. "Don't let him,
Polly, don't!"
"There sha'n't anything hurt you," said Polly, kissing her
reassuringly, and stepping briskly off with her burden, just as the
door burst open, and Joel flew out on the veranda steps, followed
by the rest of the troop in the greatest state of excitement.
"Oh, whickety! she's come 1' he shouted, springing up to her over
the puddles, and crowding under the umbrella. "Where'd you get
Phronsie?" he asked, standing quite still at sight of the little feet
tucked up to get out of the rain. And without waiting for an answer
he turned and shot back into the house proclaiming in stentorian
tones, "Ma, Polly's come--an' she's got Phronsie--an' an awful big
man--and they're out by the gate!"
"Phronsie!" said Mrs. Pepper, springing to her feet, "why, I thought
she was up-stairs with Jane."
"Now, somebody," exclaimed old Mr. King, who sat by the library
table vainly trying to read a newspaper, which he now threw down
in extreme irritation as he rose quickly and went to the door to
welcome the wanderers, "somebody ought to watch that poor
child, whose business it is to know where she is! She's, caught her
death-cold, no doubt, no doubt!"
Outside, in the rain, the children revolved around and around Polly
and Phronsie, hugging and kissing them, until nobody could do
much more than breathe, not seeming to notice the stranger, who
stood quietly waiting till such time as he could be heard.
At last, in a lull in the scramble, as they were dragging Polly and
her burden up the steps, each wild for the honor of escorting her
into the house, he cried out in laughing tones:
The two little Whitneys, who were eagerly clutching Polly's arms,
turned around; and Percy rubbed his eyes in a puzzled way, as Joel
said, stopping a minute to look up at the tall figure:
"We don't ever kiss strangers--mamsie's told us not to."
"For shame, Joey!" cried PoIly, feeling her face grow dreadfully
red in the darkness, "the gentleman's been so kind to me!"
"You're right, my boy," said the stranger, laughing and bending
down to Joel's upturned, sturdy countenance, at the same instant
that Mrs. Pepper flung open the big door, and a bright, warm light
fell straight across his handsome face. And then-- Well, then Percy
gave a violent bound, and upsetting Joel as he did so, wriggled his
way down the steps--at the same time that Van, on Polly's other
side, rushed up to the gentleman:
Polly, half way up the steps, turned around, and then, at the rush of
feeling that gathered at her heart, sat right down on the wet
slippery step.
"Why, Polly Pepper!" exclaimed Joel, not minding his own upset.
"You're right in all the slush--mother won't like it, I tell you!"
"Hush!" cried Polly, catching his arm, "he's come--oh, Joel --he's
come!"
"Who?" cried Joel, staring around blindly, "who, Polly?" Polly had
just opened her lips to explain, when Mr. King's portly, handsome
figure appeared in the doorway. "Do come in, children--why--good
gracious, Mason!"
"Yes," cried the stranger, lightly, dropping his big bundle and
umbrella as he passed in the door, with his little sons clinging to
him. "Where is Marian?"
"Why didn't you write?" asked the old gentleman, testily. "These
surprises aren't the right sort of things," and he began to feel
vigorously of his heart. "Here, Mrs. Pepper, be so good as to call
Mrs. Whitney."
"Pepper! Pepper!" repeated Mr. Whitney, perplexedly.
"She's coming--I hear her up-stairs," cried Van Whitney. "Oh, let
me tell her!" He struggled to get down from his father's arms as he
said this.
"No, I shall--I heard her first!" cried Percy. "Oh, dear me!
Grandpapa's going to!"
Mr. King advanced to the foot of the staircase as his daughter, all
unconscious, ran down with a light step, and a smile on her face.
"Has Polly come?" she asked, seeing only her father. "Yes," replied
the old gentleman, shortly, "and she's brought a big bundle,
Marian!"
"A big bundle?" she repeated wonderingly, and gazing at him.
"A very big bundle," he said, and taking hold of her shoulders he
turned her around on--her husband.
So Polly and Phronsie crept in unnoticed after all.
"I wish Ben was here," said little Davie, capering around the
Whitney group, "an' Jappy, I do!"
"Don't know," said Joel, tugging at his shoe-string. "See-- aren't
these prime!" He held up a shining black shoe, fairly bristling with
newness, for Polly to admire.
"Splendid," she cried heartily; "but where are the boys?"
"They went after you," said Davie, "after we came home with our
shoes."
"No, they didn't," contradicted Joel, flatly; and sitting down on the
floor he began to tie and untie his new possessions. "When we
came home Ben drew us pictures--lots of 'em--don't you know?"
"Oh, yes," said Davie, nodding his head, "so he did; that was when
we all cried 'cause you weren't home, Polly."
"He drawed me a be-yew-tiful one," cried Phronsie, holding up her
mangy bit; "see, Polly, see!"
"That's the little brown house," said Davie, looking over her
shoulder as Phronsie put it carefully into Polly's hand.
"It's all washed out," said Polly, smoothing it out, "when you staid
out in the rain."
"Bad, naughty old rain," she said, and then she began to cry as hard
as she could.
"Oh dear, don't!" cried Polly in dismay, trying her best to stop her,
"oh, Phronsie, do stop!" she implored, pointing into the next room
whence the sound of happy voices issued, "they'll all hear you!"
But Phronsie in her grief didn't care, but wailed on steadily.
"Who is it anyway?" cried Joel, tired of admiring his precious
shoes, and getting up to hear them squeak, "that great big man, you
know, Polly, that came in with you?"
"Why, I thought I told you," said Polly, at her wit's end over
Phronsie. "It's Percy and Van's father, Joey!"
"Whockeyl" cried Joel, completely stunned, "really and truly, Polly
Pepper?"
"Really and truly," cried Polly, bundling Phronsie up in her arms to
lay the little wet cheek against hers.
"Then I'm going to peek," cried Joel, squeaking across the floor to
carry his threat into execution.
"Oh, you mustn't, Joe!" cried Polly, frightened lest he should.
"Come right back, or I'll tell mamsie!"
"They're all comin' in, anyway," cried little Davie, delightedly, and
scuttling over to Polly's side.
"And here are the little friends I've heard so much about!" cried
Mr. Whitney coming in amongst them. "Oh, you needn't introduce
me to Polly--she brought me home!"
"They're all Pepperses," said Percy, waving his hand, and doing the
business up at one stroke.
"Only the best of 'em isn't here," observed Van, rather ungallantly,
"he draws perfectly elegant, papa!"
"1 like Polly best, I do!" cried little Dick, tumbling after.
"Peppers!" again repeated Mr. Whitney in a puzzled way. "And
here is Mrs. Pepper," said old Mr. King, pompously drawing her
forward, "the children's mother, and--"
But here Mrs. Pepper began to act in a very queer way, rubbing her
eyes and twisting one corner of her black apron in a decidedly
nervous manner that, as the old gentleman looked up, he saw with
astonishment presently communicated itself to the gentleman
opposite.
"Is it," said Mr. Whitney, putting out his hand and grasping the
hard, toil-worn one in the folds of the apron, "is it cousin Mary?"
"And aren't you cousin John?" she asked, the tears in her bright
black eyes.
"Of all things in this world!" cried the old gentleman, waving his
head helplessly from one to the other. "Will somebody have the
extreme goodness to tell us what all this means?"
At this the little Peppers crowded around their mother, and into all
the vacant places they could find, to get near the fascinating scene.
"Well," said Mr. Whitney, sitting down and drawing his wife to his
side, "it's a long story. You see, when I was a little youngster,
and--"
"You were John Whitney then," put in Mrs. Pepper, slyly. "That's
the reason I never knew when they were all talking of Mason
Whitney."
"John Whitney I was," said Mr. Whitney, laughing, "or rather,
Johnny and Jack. But Grandmother Mason, when I grew older,
wanted me called by my middle name to please grandfather. But to
go back--when I was a little shaver, about as big as Percy here--"
"Oh, papa!" began Percy, deprecatingly. To be called "a little
shaver" before all the others!
"He means, dearie," said his mamma, reassuringly, "when he was a
boy like you. Now hear what papa is going to say."
"Well, I was sent up into Vermont to stay at the old place. There
was a little girl there; a bright, black-eyed little girl. She was my
cousin, and her name was Mary Bartlett."
"There she is, sir," said Mr. Whitney, pointing to Mrs. Pepper, who
was laughing and crying together.
"Where?" said Joel, utterly bewildered. "I don't see any Mary
Bartlett. What does he mean, Polly?"
"I don't know," said Polly. "Wait, Joey," she whispered, "he's going
to tell us all about it."
"Well, this little cousin and I went to the district school, and had
many good times together. And then my parents sent for me, and I
went to Germany to school; and when I came back I lost sight of
her. All I could find out was that she had married an Englishman
by the name of Pepper."
"And I always supposed she had gone to England for despite all
my exertions, I could find no trace of her. Ah, Mary," he said
reproachfully, "why didn't you let me know where you were?"
"I heard," said Mrs. Pepper, "that you'd grown awfully rich, and I
couldn't."
"You always were a proud little thing," he said laughing. "Well,
but," broke in Mr. King, unable to keep silence any longer, "I'd like
to inquire, Mason, why you didn't find all this out before, in
Marian's letters, when she mentioned Mrs. Pepper?"
"She didn't ever mention her," said Mr. Whitney, turning around to
face his questioner, "not as Mrs. Pepper--never once by name. It
was always either 'Polly's mother,' or 'Phronsie's mother.' Just like a
woman," he added, with a mischievous glance at his wife, "not to
be explicit."
"And just like a man," she retorted, with a happy little laugh, "not
to ask for explanations."
"I hear Jappy," cried Polly, in a glad voice, "and Ben--oh, good!" as
a sound of rushing footsteps was heard over the veranda steps, and
down the long hall.
The door was thrown suddenly open, and Jasper plunged in, his
face flushed with excitement, and after him Ben, looking a little as
he did when Phronsie was lost, while Prince squeezed panting in
between the two boys.
"Well, Jasper," said Mr. Whitney, a whole wealth of affection
beaming on the boy, "how you have stretched up in six months!"
"Haven't I?" said Jasper, laughing, and drawing himself up to his
fullest height.
"He's a-standin' on tip-toe," said Joel critically, who was hovering
near. "I most know he is!" and he bent down to examine the
position of Jasper's heels.
"Not a bit of it, Joe!" cried Jasper, with a merry laugh, and setting
both feet with a convincing thud on the floor.
"Well, anyway, I'll be just as big," cried Joel, "when I'm thirteen,
so!"
Just then a loud and quick rap on the table made all the children
skip, and stopped everybody's tongue. It came from Mr. King.
"Phronsie," said he, "come here, child. I can't do anything without
you," and held out his hand. Phronsie immediately left Ben, who
was hanging over Polly as if he never meant to let her go out of his
sight again, and went directly over to the old gentleman's side.
"Now, then!" He swung her upon his shoulder, where she perched
like a little bird, gravely surveying the whole group. One little
hand stole around the old gentleman's neck, and patted his cheek
softly, which so pleased him that for a minute or two he stood
perfectly still so that everybody might see it.
"Now, Phronsie, yoti must tell all these children so that they'll
understand--say everything just as I tell you, mind!"
"I will," said Phronsie, shaking her small head wisely, "every
single thing."
"Well, then, now begin," said Phronsie, looking down on the faces
with an air as much like Mr. King's as was possible, and finishing
up with two or three little nods.
"Oh, no, dear, that isn't it," cried the old gentleman, "I'll tell you.
Say, Phronsie, 'you are all cousins--every one.'"
"You are all cousins--every one," repeated little Phronsie, simply,
shaking her yellow head into the very middle of the group.
"Does she mean it, grandpapa? Does she mean it?" cried Percy, in
the greatest excitement.
"As true as everything?" demanded Joel, crowding in between
them.
"As true as--truth!" said the old gentleman solemnly, patting the
child's little fat hand. "So make the most of it."
"Oh!" said Polly, with a long sigh. And then Jasper and she took
hold of hands and had a good spin!
"Goodness!" exclaimed the old gentleman, in the greatest alarm,
"what is the matter with the boy! Do somebody stop him!"
"Joel," said Jasper, leaning over him, and trying to help Polly lift
him up. "I'll tell you how we'll fix it! I'll be your brother .
That's best of all--brother to Polly, and Ben and the whole of
you--then we'll see!"
Joel bolted up at that, and began to smile through the tears running
down the rosy face.
"Will you, really?" he said, "just like Ben--and everything?"
"I can't be as good as Ben," said Jappy, laughing, "but I'll be a real
brother like him."
"Fhoo--phoo! Then I don't care!" cried Joel wiping off the last tear
on the back of his chubby hand. "Now I guess we're better'n you,"
he exclaimed with a triumphant glance over at the little Whitneys,
as he began to make the new shoes skip at a lively pace up and
down the long room.
"Oh! oh--deary me!" And she rushed out into the hall and began to
tug violently at the big bundle, tossed down in a corner. "Cherry'll
die--Cherry'll die!" she cried, "do somebody help me off with the
string!"
But Polly already had it off by the time Jasper's knife was half out
of his pocket, and was kneeling down on the floor scooping out a
big handful of the seed.
"Don't hurry so, Polly," said Jasper, as she jumped up to fly
up-stairs. "He's had some a perfect age--he's all right."
"What!" said Polly, stopping so suddenly that two or three little
seeds flew out of the outstretched hand and went dancing away to
the foot of the stairs by themselves.
"Oh, I heard him scolding away there when I first came home,"
said Jasper, "so I just ran down a block or two, and got him some."
"Is that all there is in that big bundle?" said Joel in a disappointed
tone, who had followed with extreme curiosity to see its contents.
"Phoo!--that's no fun--old bird-seed!"
"I know," said Polly with a gay little laugh, pointing with the
handful of seed into the library, "but I shouldn't have met the other
big bundle if it hadn't have been for this, Joe!"