It was not until a week had passed after Louis Akers' visit to the
house that Lily's family learned of it.
Lily's state of mind during that week had been an unhappy one. She
magnified the incident until her nerves were on edge, and Grace,
finding her alternating between almost demonstrative affection and
strange aloofness, was bewildered and hurt. Mademoiselle watched
her secretly, shook her head, and set herself to work to find out
what was wrong. It was, in the end, Mademoiselle who precipitated
the crisis.
Lily had not intended to make a secret of the visit, but as time
went on she found it increasingly difficult to tell about it. She
should, she knew, have spoken at once, and it would be hard to
explain why she had delayed.
She meant to go to her father with it. It was he who had forbidden
her to see Akers, for one thing. And she felt nearer to her father
than to her mother, always. Since her return she had developed an
almost passionate admiration for Howard, founded perhaps on her
grandfather's attitude toward him. She was strongly partizan. and
she watched her father, day after day, fighting his eternal battles
with Anthony, sometimes winning, often losing, but standing for a
principle like a rock while the seas of old Anthony's wrath washed
over and often engulfed him.
She was rather wistful those days, struggling with her own
perplexities, and blindly reaching out for a hand to help her. But
she could not bring herself to confession. She would wander into
her father's dressing-room before she went to bed, and, sitting on
the arm of his deep chair, would try indirectly to get him to solve
the problems that were troubling her. But he was inarticulate and
rather shy with her. He had difficulty, sometimes, after her long
absence at school and camp, in realizing her as the little girl who
had once begged for his neckties to make into doll frocks.
"But it does happen, doesn't it?" she had persisted.
He had been accustomed to her searchings for interesting abstractions
for years. She used to talk about religion in the same way. So he
smiled and said:
"There is a sort of infatuation that is based on something quite
different."
"That is one reason for it, of course. There are others."
"But if he is faithful to her now, father? Don't you think, whatever
a man has been, if he really cares for a woman it makes him over?"
"Sometimes, not always." The subject was painful to him. He did
not want his daughter to know the sordid things of life. But he
added, gallantly: "Of course a good woman can do almost anything she
wants with a man, if he cares for her."
She lay awake almost all night, thinking that over.
On the Sunday following Louis Akers' call Mademoiselle learned of
it, by the devious route of the servants' hall, and she went to Lily
at once, yearning and anxious, and in her best lace collar. She
needed courage, and to be dressed in her best gave her moral strength.
"It is not," she said, "that they wish to curtail your liberty, Lily.
But to have that man come here, when he knows he is not wanted, to
force himself on you - "
But Mademoiselle made her error there. She was fearful of Grace's
attitude unless she forewarned her, and Grace, frightened,
immediately made it a matter of a family conclave. She had not
intended to include Anthony, but he came in on an excited speech
from Howard, and heard it all.
The result was that instead of Lily going to them with her
confession, she was summoned, to find her family a unit for once
and combined against her. She was not to see Louis Akers again, or
the Doyles.
They demanded a promise, but she refused. Yet even then, standing
before them, forced to a defiance she did not feel, she was puzzled
as well as angry. They were wrong, and yet in some strange way
they were right, too. She was Cardew enough to get their point of
view. But she was Cardew enough, too, to defy them.
"You must understand," she said, her hands folded in front of her,
"that it is not so much that I care to see the people you are talking
about. It is that I feel I have the right to choose my own friends."
"Friends!" sneered old Anthony. "A third-rate lawyer, a - "
"That is not the point, grandfather. I went away to school when I
was a little girl. I have been away for five years. You cannot
seem to realize that I am a woman now, not a child. You bring me
in here like a bad child."
In the end old Anthony had slammed out of the room. There were
arguments after that, tears on Grace's part, persuasion on Howard's;
but Lily had frozen against what she considered their tyranny, and
Howard found in her a sort of passive resistance, that drove him
frantic.
"Very well," he said finally. "You have the arrogance of youth,
and its cruelty, Lily. And you are making us all suffer without
reason."
"Besides," she said, looking at him with her direct gaze, "isn't
there some reason in what the radicals believe, father? Maybe it
is a dream that can't come true, but it is rather a fine dream,
isn't it?"
It was then that Howard followed his father's example, and flung
out of the room.
After that Lily went, very deliberately and without secrecy, to the
house on Cardew Way. She found a welcome there, not so marked on
her Aunt Elinor's part as on Doyle's, but a welcome. She found
approval, too, where at home she had only suspicion and a solicitude
based on anxiety. She found a clever little circle there, and
sometimes a cultured one; underpaid, disgruntled, but brilliant
professors from the college, a journalist or two, a city councilman,
even prosperous merchants, and now and then strange bearded
foreigners who were passing through the city and who talked
brilliantly of the vision of Lenine and the future of Russia.
She learned that the true League of Nations was not a political
alliance, but a union of all the leveled peoples of the world.
She had no curiosity as to how this leveling was to be brought
about. All she knew was that these brilliant dreamers made her
welcome, and that instead of the dinner chat at home, small
personalities, old Anthony's comments on his food, her father's
heavy silence, here was world talk, vast in its scope, idealistic,
intoxicating.
Almost always Louis Akers was there; it pleased her to see how the
other men listened to him, deferred to his views, laughed at his wit.
She did not know the care exercised in selecting the groups she was
to meet, the restraints imposed on them. And she could not know
that from her visits the Doyle establishment was gaining a prestige
totally new to it, an almost respectability.
Because of those small open forums, sometimes noted in the papers,
those innocuous gatherings, it was possible to hold in that very
room other meetings, not open and not innocuous, where practical
plans took the place of discontented yearnings, and where the talk
was more often of fighting than of brotherhood.
She was, by the first of May, frankly infatuated with Louis Akers,
yet with a curious knowledge that what she felt was infatuation only.
She would lie wide-eyed at night and rehearse painfully the
weaknesses she saw so clearly in him. But the next time she saw him
she would yield to his arms, passively but without protest. She did
not like his caresses, but the memory of them thrilled her.
She was following the first uncurbed impulse of her life. Guarded
and more or less isolated from other youth, she had always lived a
strong inner life, purely mental, largely interrogative. She had
had strong childish impulses, sometimes of pure affection,
occasionally of sheer contrariness, but always her impulses had
been curbed.
She had got, somehow, to feel that impulse was wrong. It ranked
with disobedience. It partook of the nature of sin. People who
did wicked things did them on impulse, and were sorry ever after;
but then it was too late.
As she grew older, she added something to that. Impulses of the
mind led to impulses of the body, and impulse was wrong. Passion
was an impulse of the body. Therefore it was sin. It was the one
sin one could not talk about, so one was never quite clear about
it. However, one thing seemed beyond dispute; it was predominatingly
a masculine wickedness. Good women were beyond and above it, its
victims sometimes, like those girls at the camp, or its toys, like
the sodden creatures in the segregated district who hung, smiling
their tragic smiles, around their doorways in the late afternoons.
But good women were not like that. If they were, then they were
not good. They did not lie awake remembering the savage clasp of a
man's arms, knowing all the time that this was not love, but
something quite different. Or if it was love, that it was painful
and certainly not beautiful.
Sometimes she thought about Willy Cameron. He had had very exalted
ideas about love. He used to be rather oratorical about it.
"It's the fundamental principle of the universe," he would say,
waving his pipe wildly. "But it means suffering, dear child. It
feeds on martyrdom and fattens on sacrifice. And as the h.c. of l.
doesn't affect either commodity, it lives forever."
"What does it do, Willy, if it hasn't any martyrdom and sacrifice
to feed on? Do you mean to say that when it is returned and
everybody is happy, it dies?"
"Practically," he had said. "It then becomes domestic contentment,
and expresses itself in the shape of butcher's bills and roast
chicken on Sundays."
But that had been in the old care-free days, before Willy had
thought he loved her, and before she had met Louis.
She made a desperate effort one day to talk to her mother. She
wanted, somehow, to be set right in her own eyes. But Grace could
not meet her even half way; she did not know anything about
different sorts of love, but she did know that love was beautiful,
if you met the right man and married him. But it had to be some
one who was your sort, because in the end marriage was only a sort
of glorified companionship.
The moral in that, so obviously pointed at Louis Akers, invalidated
the rest of it for Lily.
She was in a state of constant emotional excitement by that time,
and it was only a night or two after that she quarreled with her
grandfather. There had been a dinner party, a heavy, pompous affair,
largely attended, for although spring was well advanced, the usual
May hegira to the country or the coast had not yet commenced.
Industrial conditions in and around the city were too disturbed for
the large employers to get away, and following Lent there had been
a sort of sporadic gayety, covering a vast uneasiness. There was
to be no polo after all.
Lily, doing her best to make the dinner a success, found herself
contrasting it with the gatherings at the Doyle house, and found it
very dull. These men, with their rigidity of mind, invited because
they held her grandfather's opinions, or because they kept their
own convictions to themselves, seemed to her of a bygone time. She
did not see in them a safe counterpoise to a people which in its
reaction from the old order, was ready to swing to anything that
was new. She saw only a dozen or so elderly gentlemen, immaculate
and prosperous, peering through their glasses after a world which
had passed them by.
They were very grave that night. The situation was serious. The
talk turned inevitably to the approaching strike, and from that to
a possible attempt on the part of the radical element toward
violence. The older men pooh-poohed that, but the younger ones were
uncertain. Isolated riotings, yes. But a coordinated attempt
against the city, no. Labour was greedy, but it was law-abiding.
Ah, but it was being fired by incendiary literature. Then what were
the police doing? They were doing everything. They were doing
nothing. The governor was secretly a radical. Nonsense. The
governor was saying little, but was waiting and watching. A general
strike was only another word for revolution. No. It would be
attempted, perhaps, but only to demonstrate the solidarity of labor.
After a time Lily made a discovery. She found that even into that
carefully selected gathering had crept a surprising spirit, based
on the necessity for concession; a few men who shared her father's
convictions, and went even further. One or two, even, who,
cautiously for fear of old Anthony's ears, voiced a belief that
before long invested money would be given a fixed return, all
surplus profits to be divided among the workers, the owners and
the government.
The government's share of all business was to form a contingent fund
for such emergencies, it seemed.
Lily listened attentively. Was it because they feared that if they
did not voluntarily divide their profits they would be taken from
them? Enough for all, and to none too much. Was that what they
feared? Or was it a sense of justice, belated but real?
"Labor has learned its weakness alone, its strength united. But
capital has not learned that lesson. It will not take a loss for a
principle. It will not unite. It is suspicious and jealous, so it
fights its individual battles alone, and loses in the end."
But then to offset that there was something Willy Cameron had said
one day, frying doughnuts for her with one hand, and waving the fork
about with the other.
"Don't forget this, oh representative of the plutocracy," he had
said. "Capital has its side, and a darned good one, too. It's got
a sense of responsibility to the country, which labor may have
individually but hasn't got collectively."
These men at the table were grave, burdened with responsibility.
Her father. Even her grandfather. It was no longer a question of
profit. It was a question of keeping the country going. They
were like men forced to travel, and breasting a strong head wind.
There were some there who would turn, in time, and travel with
the gale. But there were others like her grandfather, obstinate
and secretly frightened, who would refuse. Who would, to change
the figure, sit like misers over their treasure, an eye on the
window of life for thieves.
She went upstairs, perplexed and thoughtful. Some time
later she heard the family ascending, the click of her mother's
high heels on the polished wood of the staircase, her father's
sturdy tread, and a moment or two later her grandfather's slow,
rather weary step. Suddenly she felt sorry for him, for his age,
for his false gods of power and pride, for the disappointment
she was to him. She flung open her door impulsively and con-
fronted him.
"I just wanted to say good-night, grandfather," she said
breathlessly. "And that I am sorry."
"Sorry - " she hesitated. "Because we see things so differently."
Lily was almost certain that she caught a flash of tenderness in his
eyes, and certainly his voice had softened.
"You looked very pretty to-night," he said. But he passed on, and
she had again the sense of rebuff with which he met all her small
overtures at that time. However, he turned at the foot of the
upper flight.
"I would like to talk to you, Lily. Will you come upstairs?"
She had been summoned before to those mysterious upper rooms of his,
where entrance was always by request, and generally such requests
presaged trouble. But she followed him light-heartedly enough then.
His rare compliment had pleased and touched her.
The lamp beside his high-backed, almost throne-like chair was
lighted, and in the dressing-room beyond his valet was moving about,
preparing for the night. Anthony dismissed the man, and sat down
under the lamp.
"You heard the discussion downstairs, to-night, Lily. Personally
I anticipate no trouble, but if there is any it may be directed at
this house." He smiled grimly. "I cannot rely on my personal
popularity to protect me, I fear. Your mother obstinately refuses
to leave your father, but I have decided to send you to your
grand-aunt Caroline."
"Aunt Caroline! She doesn't care for me, grandfather. She never
has."
"That is hardly pertinent, is it? The situation is this: She intends
to open the Newport house early in June, and at my request she will
bring you out there. Next fall we will do something here; I haven't
decided just what."
There was a sudden wild surge of revolt in Lily. She hated Newport.
Grand-aunt Caroline was a terrible person. She was like Anthony,
domineering and cruel, and with even less control over her tongue.
"I need not point out the advantages of the plan," said Anthony
suavely. "There may be trouble here, although I doubt it. But in
any event you will have to come out, and this seems an excellent way.
"Is it a good thing to spend a lot of money now, grandfather, when
there is so much discontent?"
Old Anthony had a small jagged vein down the center of his forehead,
and in anger or his rare excitements it stood out like a scar. Lily
saw it now, but his voice was quiet enough.
"I consider it vitally important to the country to continue its
social life as before the war."
"Frightened! Good God, nobody's frightened. It will take more
than a handful of demagogues to upset this government. Which brings
me to a subject you insist on reopening, by your conduct. I have
reason to believe that you are still going to that man's house."
He never called Doyle by name if he could avoid it.
His tone roused every particle of antagonism in her. She flushed.
"Perhaps because I was forbidden," she said, slowly. "Hasn't it
occurred to you that I may consider your attitude very unjust?"
If she looked for an outburst from him it did not come. He stood
for a moment, deep in thought.
"You understand that this Doyle once tried to assassinate me?"
"I know that he tried to beat you, grandfather. I am sorry, but
that was long ago. And there was a reason for it, wasn't there?"
"I see," he said, slowly. "What you are conveying to me, not too
delicately, is that you have definitely allied yourself with my
enemies. That, here in my own house, you intend to defy me. That,
regardless of my wishes or commands, while eating my food, you
purpose to traffic with a man who has sworn to get me, sooner or
later. Am I correct?"
"I have only said that I see no reason why I should not visit
Aunt Elinor."
"And that you intend to. Do I understand also that you refuse to
go to Newport?"
"I daresay I shall have to go, if you send me. I don't want to go.
"Very well. I am glad we have had this little talk. It makes my
own course quite plain. Good-night."
He opened the door for her and she went out and down the stairs.
She felt very calm, and as though something irrevocable had happened.
With her anger at her grandfather there was mixed a sort of pity for
him, because she knew that nothing he could do would change the
fundamental situation. Even if he locked her up, and that was
possible, he would know that he had not really changed things, or
her. She felt surprisingly strong. All these years that she had
feared him, and yet when it came to a direct issue, he was helpless!
What had he but his wicked tongue, and what did that matter to deaf
ears?
She found her maid gone, and Mademoiselle waiting to help her
undress. Mademoiselle often did that. It made her feel still
essential in Lily's life.
"A long seance!" she said. "Your mother told me to-night. It is
Newport?"
"He wants me to go. Unhook me, Mademoiselle, and then run off and
go to bed. You ought not to wait up like this."
"Newport!" said Mademoiselle, deftly slipping off the white and
silver that was Lily's gown. "It will be wonderful, dear. And you
will be a great success. You are very beautiful."
Mademoiselle broke into rapid expostulation, in French. Every girl
wanted to make her debut at Newport. Here it was all industry,
money, dirt. Men who slaved in offices daily. At Newport was
gathered the real leisure class of America, those who knew how to
play, who lived. But Lily, taking off her birthday pearls before
the mirror of her dressing table, only shook her head.
"I'm not going," she said. "I might as well tell you, for you'll
hear about it later. I have quarreled with him, very badly. I
think he intends to lock me up."
But a glance at Lily's set face in the mirror told her it was true.
She went away very soon, sadly troubled. There were bad times
coming. The old peaceful quiet days were gone, for age and
obstinacy had met youth and the arrogance of youth, and it was to
be battle.