We arrived here yesterday. The ambassador is indisposed, and will
not go out for some days. If he were less peevish and morose, all
would be well. I see but too plainly that Heaven has destined me
to severe trials; but courage! a light heart may bear anything.
A light heart! I smile to find such a word proceeding from my pen.
A little more lightheartedness would render me the happiest being
under the sun. But must I despair of my talents and faculties,
whilst others of far inferior abilities parade before me with the
utmost self-satisfaction? Gracious Providence, to whom I owe all
my powers, why didst thou not withhold some of those blessings I
possess, and substitute in their place a feeling of self-confidence
and contentment?
But patience! all will yet be well; for I assure you, my dear
friend, you were right: since I have been obliged to associate
continually with other people, and observe what they do, and how
they employ themselves, I have become far better satisfied with
myself. For we are so constituted by nature, that we are ever
prone to compare ourselves with others; and our happiness or misery
depends very much on the objects and persons around us. On this
account, nothing is more dangerous than solitude: there our
imagination, always disposed to rise, taking a new flight on the
wings of fancy, pictures to us a chain of beings of whom we seem
the most inferior. All things appear greater than they really
are, and all seem superior to us. This operation of the mind is
quite natural: we so continually feel our own imperfections, and
fancy we perceive in others the qualities we do not possess,
attributing to them also all that we enjoy ourselves, that by this
process we form the idea of a perfect, happy man, -- a man, however,
who only exists in our own imagination.
But when, in spite of weakness and disappointments, we set to work
in earnest, and persevere steadily, we often find, that, though
obliged continually to tack, we make more way than others who have
the assistance of wind and tide; and, in truth, there can be no
greater satisfaction than to keep pace with others or outstrip
them in the race.