While Shirley was talking with Moore, Caroline rejoined Mrs. Pryor upstairs.
She found that lady deeply depressed. She would not say that Miss Keeldar's
hastiness had hurt her feelings; but it was evident an inward wound galled her.
To any but a congenial nature, she would have seemed insensible to the quiet,
tender attentions by which Miss Helstone sought to impart solace; but Caroline
knew that, unmoved or slightly moved as she looked, she felt, valued, and was
healed by them.
'I am deficient in self-confidence and decision,' she said at last. 'I always
have been deficient in those qualities: yet I think Miss Keeldar should have
known my character well enough by this time, to be aware that I always feel an
even painful solicitude to do right, to act for the best. The unusual nature of
the demand on my judgment puzzled me, especially following the alarms of the
night. I could not venture to act promptly for another: but I trust no serious
harm will result from my lapse of firmness.'
A gentle knock was here heard at the door: it was half-opened.
'I have behaved very shamefully, very ungenerously, very ungratefully to
her,' said Shirley. 'How insolent in me to turn on her thus, for what after all
was no fault, only an excess of conscientiousness on her part. But I regret my
error most sincerely: tell her so, and ask if she will forgive me.'
Caroline discharged the errand with heartfelt pleasure. Mrs. Pryor rose, came
to the door: she did not like scenes; she dreaded them as all timid people do:
she said falteringly - 'Come in, my dear.'
Shirley did come in with some impetuosity: she threw her arms round her
governess, and while she kissed her heartily, she said - 'You know you must
forgive me, Mrs. Pryor. I could not get on at all if there was a
misunderstanding between you and me.'
'I have nothing to forgive,' was the reply. 'We will pass it over now, if you
please. The final result of the incident is that it proves more plainly than
ever how unequal I am to certain crises.'
And that was the painful feeling which would remain on Mrs. Pryor's mind: no
effort of Shirley's or Caroline's could efface it thence: she could forgive her
offending pupil, not her innocent self.
Miss Keeldar, doomed to be in constant request during the morning, was
presently summoned downstairs again. The Rector called first: a lively welcome
and livelier reprimand were at his service; he expected both, and, being in high
spirits, took them in equally good part.
In the course of his brief visit, he quite forgot to ask after his niece: the
riot, the rioters, the mill, the magistrates, the heiress, absorbed all his
thoughts to the exclusion of family ties. He alluded to the part himself and
curate had taken in the defence of the Hollow.
'The vials of pharisaical wrath will be emptied on our heads, for our share
in this business,' he said; 'but I defy every calumniator. I was there only to
support the law, to play my part as a man and a Briton; which characters I deem
quite compatible with those of the priest and Levite, in their highest sense.
Your tenant, Moore,' he went on, 'has won my approbation. A cooler commander I
would not wish to see, nor a more determined. Besides, the man has shown sound
judgment and good sense; first, in being thoroughly prepared for the event which
has taken place, and subsequently, when his well-concerted plans had secured him
success, in knowing how to use without abusing his victory. Some of the
magistrates are now well frightened, and, like all cowards, show a tendency to
be cruel; Moore restrains them with admirable prudence. He has hitherto been
very unpopular in the neighbourhood; but, mark my words, the tide of opinion
will now take a turn in his favour: people will find out that they have not
appreciated him, and will hasten to remedy their error; and he, when he
perceives the public disposed to acknowledge his merits, will show a more
gracious mien than that with which he has hitherto favoured us.'
Mr. Helstone was about to add to this speech some half-jesting, half-serious
warnings to Miss Keeldar, on the subject of her rumoured partiality for her
talented tenant, when a ring at the door, announcing another caller, checked his
raillery; and as that other caller appeared in the form of a white-haired,
elderly gentleman, with a rather truculent countenance and disdainful eye - in
short, our old acquaintance, and the Rector's old enemy, Mr. Yorke - the priest
and Levite seized his hat, and with the briefest of adieux to Miss Keeldar, and
the sternest of nods to her guest, took an abrupt leave.
Mr. Yorke was in no mild mood, and in no measured terms did he express his
opinion on the transaction of the night: Moore, the magistrates, the soldiers,
the mob-leaders, each and all came in for a share of his invectives; but he
reserved his strongest epithets - and real racy Yorkshire Doric adjectives they
were - for the benefit of the fighting parsons, the 'sanguinary, demoniac'
rector and curate. According to him, the cup of ecclesiastical guilt was now
full indeed.
'The Church,' he said, 'was in a bonnie pickle now: it was time it came down
when parsons took to swaggering among soldiers, blazing away wi' bullet and
gunpowder, taking the lives of far honester men than themselves.'
'What would Moore have done, if nobody had helped him?' asked Shirley.
'Which means, you would have left him by himself to face that mob. Good. He
has plenty of courage; but the greatest amount of gallantry that ever garrisoned
one human breast could scarce avail against two hundred.'
'He had the soldiers; those poor slaves who hire out their own blood and
spill other folk's for money.'
'You abuse soldiers almost as much as you abuse clergymen. All who wear red
coats are national refuse in your eyes, and all who wear black are national
swindlers. Mr. Moore, according to you, did wrong to get military aid, and he
did still worse to accept of any other aid. Your way of talking amounts to this:
- he should have abandoned his mill and his life to the rage of a set of
misguided madmen, and Mr. Helstone and every other gentleman in the parish
should have looked on, and seen the building razed and its owner slaughtered,
and never stirred a finger to save either.'
'If Moore had behaved to his men from the beginning as a master ought to
behave, they never would have entertained their present feelings towards
him.'
'Easy for you to talk,' exclaimed Miss Keeldar, who was beginning to wax warm
in her tenant's cause: 'you, whose family have lived at Briarmains for six
generations, to whose person the people have been accustomed for fifty years,
who know all their ways, prejudices, and preferences. Easy, indeed, for you to
act so as to avoid offending them; but Mr. Moore came a stranger into the
district: he came here poor and friendless, with nothing but his own energies to
back him; nothing but his honour, his talent, and his industry to make his way
for him. A monstrous crime indeed that, under such circumstances, he could not
popularise his naturally grave, quiet manners, all at once: could not be
jocular, and free, and cordial with a strange peasantry, as you are with your
fellow-townsmen! An unpardonable transgression, that when he introduced
improvements he did not go about the business in quite the most politic way; did
not graduate his changes as delicately as a rich capitalist might have done For
errors of this sort is he to be the victim of mob-outrage? Is he to be denied
even the privilege of defending himself? Are those who have the hearts of men in
their breasts (and Mr. Helstone - say what you will of him - has such a heart)
to be reviled like malefactors because they stand by him - because they venture
to espouse the cause of one against two hundred?'
'Come - come now - be cool,' said Mr. Yorke, smiling at the earnestness with
which Shirley multiplied her rapid questions.
'Cool! Must I listen coolly to downright nonsense - to dangerous nonsense?
No. I like you very well, Mr. Yorke, as you know; but I thoroughly dislike some
of your principles. All that cant - excuse me, but I repeat the word - all that
cant about soldiers and parsons is most offensive in my ears. All ridiculous,
irrational crying up of one class, whether the same be aristocrat or democrat -
all howling down of another class, whether clerical or military - all exacting
injustice to individuals, whether monarch or mendicant - is really sickening to
me: all arraying of ranks against ranks, all party hatreds, all tyrannies
disguised as liberties, I reject and wash my hands of. You think you are a
philanthropist; you think you are an advocate of liberty; but I will tell you
this - Mr. Hall, the parson of Nunnely, is a better friend both of man and
freedom than Hiram Yorke, the Reformer of Briarfield.'
From a man, Mr. Yorke would not have borne this language very patiently, nor
would he have endured it from some women; but he accounted Shirley both honest
and pretty, and her plainspoken ire amused him: besides, he took a secret
pleasure in hearing her defend her tenant, for we have already intimated he had
Robert Moore's interest very much at heart: moreover, if he wished to avenge
himself for her severity, he knew the means lay in his power: a word, he
believed, would suffice to tame and silence her, to cover her frank forehead
with the rosy shadow of shame, and veil the glow of her eye under down-drooped
lid and lash.
'What more hast thou to say?' he inquired, as she paused, rather it appeared
to take breath, than because her subject or her zeal was exhausted.
'Say, Mr. Yorke!' was the answer, the speaker meantime walking fast from wall
to wall of the oak-parlour. 'Say? I have a great deal to say, if I could get it
out in lucid order, which I never can do. I have to say that your views, and
those of most extreme politicians, are such as none but men in an irresponsible
position can advocate; that they are purely opposition views, meant only to be
talked about, and never intended to be acted on. Make you Prime Minister of
England to-morrow, and you would have to abandon them. You abuse Moore for
defending his mill: had you been in Moore's place you could not with honour or
sense have acted otherwise than he acted. You abuse Mr. Helstone for everything
he does: Mr. Helstone has his faults: he sometimes does wrong, but oftener
right. Were you ordained vicar of Briarfield, you would find it no easy task to
sustain all the active schemes for the benefit of the parish planned and
persevered in by your predecessor. I wonder people cannot judge more fairly of
each other and themselves. When I hear Messrs. Malone and Donne chatter about
the authority of the Church, the dignity and claims of the priesthood, the
deference due to them as clergymen; when I hear the outbreaks of their small
spite against Dissenters; when I witness their silly narrow jealousies and
assumptions; when their palaver about forms, and traditions, and superstitions,
is sounding in my ear; when I behold their insolent carriage to the poor, their
often base servility to the rich, I think the Establishment is indeed in a poor
way, and both she and her sons appear in the utmost need of reformation.
Turning away distressed from minster-tower and village-spire - ay, as distressed
as a churchwarden who feels the exigence of whitewash, and has not wherewithal
to purchase lime - I recall your senseless sarcasms on the 'fat bishops,' the
'pampered parsons,' 'old mother church,' etc. I remember your strictures on all
who differ from you, your sweeping condemnation of classes and individuals,
without the slightest allowance made for circumstances or temptations; and then,
Mr. Yorke, doubt clutches my inmost heart as to whether men exist clement,
reasonable, and just enough to be entrusted with the task of reform. I don't
believe you are of the number.'
'You have an ill opinion of me, Miss Shirley: you never told me so much of
your mind before.'
'I never had an opening; but I have sat on Jessy's stool by your chair in the
back-parlour at Briarmains, for evenings together, listening excitedly to your
talk, half-admiring what you said, and half-rebelling against it. I think you a
fine old Yorkshireman, sir: I am proud to have been born in the same county and
parish at yourself - truthful, upright, independent you are, as a rock based
below seas; but also you are harsh, rude, narrow, and merciless.'
'Not to the poor, lass - nor to the meek of the earth - only to the proud and
high-minded.'
'And what right have you, sir, to make such distinctions? A prouder - a
higher-minded man than yourself does not exist. You find it easy to speak
comfortably to your inferiors - you are too haughty, too ambitious, too jealous
to be civil to those above you. But you are all alike. Helstone also is proud
and prejudiced. Moore, though juster and more considerate than either you or the
Rector, is still haughty, stern, and in a public sense, selfish. It is well
there are such men as Mr. Hall to be found occasionally: men of large and kind
hearts, who can love their whole race, who can forgive others for being richer,
more prosperous, or more powerful than they are. Such men may have less
originality, less force of character than you, but they are better friends to
mankind.'
'And when is it to be?' said Mr. Yorke, now rising.
'Only that of Robert Gérard Moore, Esq., of Hollow's Cottage, with Miss
Keeldar, daughter and heiress of the late Charles Cave Keeldar of Fieldhead
Hall.'
Shirley gazed at the questioner with rising colour; but the light in her eye
was not faltering: it shone steadily - yes - it burned deeply.
'That is your revenge,' she said slowly: then added; 'Would it be a bad
match, unworthy of the late Charles Cave Keeldar's representative?'
'My lass, Moore is a gentleman: his blood is pure and ancient as mine or
thine.'
'And we too set store by ancient blood? We have family pride, though one of
us at least is a Republican?'
Yorke bowed as he stood before her. His lips were mute; but his eye confessed
the impeachment. Yes - he had family pride - you saw it in his whole
bearing.
'Moore is a gentleman,' echoed Shirley, lifting her head with glad grace. She
checked herself - words seemed crowding to her tongue, she would not give them
utterance; but her look spoke much at the moment: what ---- Yorke tried to read,
but could not - the language was there ---- visible, but untranslatable - a poem
- a fervid lyric in an unknown tongue. It was not a plain story, however - no
simple gush of feeling - no ordinary love-confession - that was obvious; it was
something other, deeper, more intricate than he guessed at: he felt his revenge
had not struck home; he felt that Shirley triumphed - she held him at fault,
baffled, puzzled; she enjoyed the moment - not he.
'And if Moore is a gentleman, you can be only a lady, therefore ----'
'Therefore there would be no inequality in our union?'
'Thank you for your approbation. Will you give me away when I relinquish the
name of Keeldar for that of Moore?'
Mr. Yorke, instead of replying, gazed at her much puzzled. He could not
divine what her look signified; whether she spoke in earnest or in jest: there
was purpose and feeling, banter and scoff, playing, mingled, on her mobile
lineaments.
She laughed: 'Take courage, sir; you are not singular in your ignorance: but
I suppose if Moore understands me, that will do - will it not?'
'Moore may settle his own matters henceforward for me; I'll neither meddle
nor make with them further.'
A new thought crossed her: her countenance changed magically; with a sudden
darkening of the eye, and austere fixing of the features, she demanded - 'Have
you been asked to interfere. Are you questioning me as another's proxy?'
'The Lord save us! Whoever weds thee must look about him! Keep all your
questions for Robert; I'll answer no more on 'em. Good-day, lassie!'
The day being fine, or at least fair - for soft clouds curtained the sun, and
a dim but not chill or waterish haze slept blue on the hills - Caroline, while
Shirley was engaged with her callers, had persuaded Mrs. Pryor to assume her
bonnet and summer shawl, and to take a walk with her up towards the narrow end
of the Hollow.
Here, the opposing sides of the glen approaching each other, and becoming
clothed with brushwood and stunted oaks, formed a wooded ravine; at the bottom
of which ran the millstream, in broken unquiet course, struggling with many
stones, chafing against rugged banks, fretting with gnarled tree-roots, foaming,
gurgling, battling as it went. Here, when you had wandered half-a-mile from the
mill, you found a sense of deep solitude: found it in the shade of unmolested
trees; received it in the singing of many birds, for which that shade made a
home. This was no trodden way: the freshness of the wood-flowers attested that
foot of man seldom pressed them: abounding wild-roses looked as if they budded,
bloomed, and faded under the watch of solitude, as in a Sultan's harem. Here you
saw the sweet azure of blue-bells, and recognised in pearl-white blossoms,
spangling the grass, an humble type of some star-lit spot in space.
Mrs. Pryor liked a quiet walk: she ever shunned highroads, and sought byways
and lonely lanes: one companion she preferred to total solitude, for in solitude
she was nervous; a vague fear of annoying encounters broke the enjoyment of
quite lonely rambles; but she feared nothing with Caroline: when once she got
away from human habitations, and entered the still demesne of nature accompanied
by this one youthful friend, a propitious change seem to steal over her mind and
beam in her countenance. When with Caroline - and Caroline only - her heart, you
would have said, shook off a burden, her brow put aside a veil, her spirits too
escaped from a restraint: with her she was cheerful; with her, at times, she was
tender: to her she would impart her knowledge, reveal glimpses of her
experience, give her opportunities for guessing what life she had lived, what
cultivation her mind had received, of what calibre was her intelligence, how and
where her feelings were vulnerable.
To-day, for instance, as they walked along, Mrs. Pryor talked to her
companion about the various birds singing in the trees, discriminated their
species, and said something about their habits and peculiarities. English
natural history seemed familiar to her. All the wild flowers round their path
were recognised by her: tiny plants springing near stones and peeping out of
chinks in old walls - plants such as Caroline had scarcely noticed before -
received a name and an intimation of their properties: it appeared that she had
minutely studied the botany of English fields and woods. Having reached the head
of the ravine, they sat down together on a ledge of grey and mossy rock jutting
from the base of a steep green hill, which towered above them: she looked round
her, and spoke of the neighbourhood as she had once before seen it long ago. She
alluded to its changes, and compared its aspect with that of other parts of
England; revealing in quiet, unconscious touches of description, a sense of the
picturesque, an appreciation of the beautiful or commonplace, a power of
comparing the wild with the cultured, the grand with the tame, that gave to her
discourse a graphic charm as pleasant as it was unpretending.
The sort of reverent pleasure with which Caroline listened - so sincere, so
quiet, yet so evident, stirred the elder lady's faculties to a gentle animation.
Rarely, probably, had she, with her chill, repellent outside - her diffident
mien and incommunicative habits, known what it was to excite in one whom she
herself could love, feelings of earnest affection and admiring esteem.
Delightful, doubtless, was the consciousness that a young girl towards whom it
seemed - judging by the moved expression of her eyes and features - her heart
turned with almost a fond impulse, looked up to her as an instructor, and clung
to her as a friend. With a somewhat more marked accent of interest than she
often permitted herself to use, she said, as she bent towards her youthful
companion, and put aside from her forehead a pale brown curl which had strayed
from the confining comb - 'I do hope this sweet air blowing from the hill will
do you good, my dear Caroline: I wish I could see something more of colour in
these cheeks - but perhaps you were never florid?'
'I had red cheeks once,' returned Miss Helstone, smiling. 'I remember a year
- two years ago, when I used to look in the glass, I saw a different face there
to what I see now - rounder and rosier. But when we are young,' added the girl
of eighteen, 'our minds are careless and our lives easy.'
'Do you' - continued Mrs. Pryor, mastering by an effort that tyrant timidity
which made it difficult for her, even under present circumstances, to attempt
the scrutiny of another's heart - 'Do you, at your age, fret yourself with cares
for the future? Believe me, you had better not: let the morrow take thought for
the things of itself.'
'True, dear madam: it is not over the future I pine. The evil of the day is
sometimes oppressive - too oppressive, and I long to escape it.'
'That is - the evil of the day - that is - your uncle perhaps is not - you
find it difficult to understand - he does not appreciate ----'
Mrs. Pryor could not complete her broken sentences: she could not manage to
put the question whether Mr. Helstone was too harsh with his niece, but Caroline
comprehended.
'Oh, that is nothing,' she replied; 'my uncle and I get on very well: we
never quarrel - I don't call him harsh - he never scolds me. Sometimes I wish
somebody in the world loved me; but I cannot say that I particularly wish him to
have more affection for me than he has. As a child, I should perhaps have felt
the want of attention, only the servants were very kind to me; but when people
are long indifferent to us, we grow indifferent to their indifference. It is my
uncle's way not to care for women and girls - unless they be ladies that he
meets in company: he could not alter, and I have no wish that he should alter,
as far as I am concerned. I believe it would merely annoy and frighten me were
he to be affectionate towards me now. But you know, Mrs. Pryor, it is scarcely
living to measure time as I do at the Rectory. The hours pass, and I get them
over somehow, but I do not live. I endure existence, but I rarely enjoy it.
Since Miss Keeldar and you came, I have been - I was going to say - happier, but
that would be untrue.' She paused.
'How, untrue? You are fond of Miss Keeldar, are you not, my dear?'
'Very fond of Shirley: I both like and admire her: but I am painfully
circumstanced: for a reason I cannot explain, I want to go away from this place,
and to forget it.'
'You told me before you wished to be a governess; but, my dear, if you
remember, I did not encourage the idea. I have been a governess myself great
part of my life. In Miss Keeldar's acquaintance, I esteem myself most fortunate:
her talents and her really sweet disposition have rendered my office easy to me;
but when I was young, before I married, my trials were severe, poignant I
should not like a ---- I should not like you to endure similar ones. It was my
lot to enter a family of considerable pretensions to good birth and mental
superiority, and the members of which also believed that 'on them was
perceptible' an usual endowment of the 'Christian graces'; that all their hearts
were regenerate, and their spirits in a peculiar state of discipline. I was
early given to understand that 'as I was not their equal,' so I could not expect
'to have their sympathy.' It was in no sort concealed from me that I was held a
'burden and a restraint in society.' The gentlemen, I found, regarded me as a
'tabooed woman,' to whom 'they were interdicted from granting the usual
privileges of the sex,' and yet who 'annoyed them by frequently crossing their
path.' The ladies too made it plain that they thought me 'a bore.' The servants,
it was signified, 'detested me'; why, I could never clearly comprehend. My
pupils, I was told, 'however much they might love me, and how deep soever the
interest I might take in them, could not be my friends.' It was intimated that I
must 'live alone, and never transgress the invisible but rigid line which
established the difference between me and my employers.' My life in this house
was sedentary, solitary, constrained, joyless, toilsome. The dreadful crushing
of the animal spirits, the ever-prevailing sense of friendlessness and
homelessness consequent on this state of things, began ere long to produce
mortal effects on my constitution - I sickened. The lady of the house told me
coolly I was the victim of 'wounded vanity.' She hinted, that if I did not make
an effort to quell my 'ungodly discontent,' to cease 'murmuring against God's
appointment,' and to cultivate the profound humility befitting my station, my
mind would very likely 'go to pieces' on the rock that wrecked most of my
sisterhood - morbid self-esteem; and that I should die an inmate of a lunatic
asylum.
'I said nothing to Mrs. Hardman; it would have been useless: but to her
eldest daughter I one day dropped a few observations, which were answered thus:
There were hardships, she allowed, in the position of a governess: 'doubtless
they had their trials: but,' she averred, with a manner it makes me smile now to
recall - 'but it must be so. She (Miss H.) had neither view, hope, nor wish to
see these things remedied: for, in the inherent constitution of English habits,
feelings, and prejudices, there was no possibility that they should be.
Governesses,' she observed, 'must ever be kept in a sort of isolation: it is the
only means of maintaining that distance which the reserve of English manners and
the decorum of English families exact.'
'I remember I sighed as Miss Hardman quitted my bedside: she caught the
sound, and turning, said severely - 'I fear, Miss Grey, you have inherited in
fullest measure the worst sin of our fallen nature - the sin of pride. You are
proud, and therefore you are ungrateful too. Mamma pays you a handsome salary;
and, if you had average sense, you would thankfully put up with much that is
fatiguing to do and irksome to bear, since it is so well made worth your
while.'
'Miss Hardman, my love, was a very strong-minded young lady, of most
distinguished talents: the aristocracy are decidedly a very superior class, you
know - both physically, and morally, and mentally - as a high Tory I acknowledge
that; - I could not describe the dignity of her voice and mien as she addressed
me thus: still, I fear, she was selfish, my dear. I would never wish to speak
ill of my superiors in rank; but I think she was a little selfish.'
'I remember,' continued Mrs. Pryor, after a pause, 'another of Miss H.'s
observations, which she would utter with quite a grand air. 'We,' she would
say, - 'We need the imprudences, extravagances, mistakes, and crimes of a
certain number of fathers to sow the seed from which we reap the harvest of
governesses. The daughters of tradespeople, however well-educated, must
necessarily be underbred, and as such unfit to be inmates of our dwellings, or
guardians of our children's minds and persons. We shall ever prefer to place
those about our offspring, who have been born and bred with somewhat of the same
refinement as ourselves.'
'Miss Hardman must have thought herself something better than her fellow-
creatures, ma'am, since she held that their calamities, and even crimes, were
necessary to minister to her convenience. You say she was religious: her
religion must have been that of the Pharisee, who thanked God that he was not as
other men are, nor even as that publican.'
'My dear, we will not discuss the point: I should be the last person to wish
to instil into your mind any feeling of dissatisfaction with your lot in life,
or any sentiment of envy or insubordination towards your superiors. Implicit
submission to authorities, scrupulous deference to our betters (under which term
I, of course, include the higher classes of society) are, in my opinion,
indispensable to the well-being of every community. All I mean to say, my dear,
is, that you had better not attempt to be a governess, as the duties of the
position would be too severe for your constitution. Not one word of disrespect
would I breathe towards either Mrs. or Miss Hardman; only, recalling my own
experience, I cannot but feel that, were you to fall under auspices such as
theirs, you would contend a while courageously with your doom: then you would
pine and grow too weak for your work; you would come home - if you still had a
home - broken down. Those languishing years would follow, of which none but the
invalid and her immediate friends feel the heart-sickness and know the burden:
consumption or decline would close the chapter. Such is the history of many a
life: I would not have it yours. My dear, we will now walk about a little, if
you please.'
They both rose, and slowly paced a green natural terrace bordering the
chasm.
'My dear,' erelong again began Mrs. Pryor, a sort of timid, embarrassed
abruptness marking her manner as she spoke, 'the young, especially those to whom
nature has been favourable - often - frequently - anticipate - look forward to -
to marriage as the end, the goal of their hopes.'
And she stopped. Caroline came to her relief with promptitude, showing a
great deal more self-possession and courage than herself on the formidable topic
now broached.
'They do; and naturally,' she replied, with a calm emphasis that startled
Mrs. Pryor. 'They look forward to marriage with some one they love as the
brightest, - the only bright destiny that can await them. Are they wrong?'
'Oh, my dear!' exclaimed Mrs. Pryor, clasping her hands: and again she
paused. Caroline turned a searching, an eager eye on the face of her friend:
that face was much agitated. 'My dear,' she murmured, 'life is an illusion.'
'But not love! Love is real: the most real, the most lasting - the sweetest
and yet the bitterest thing we know.'
'My dear - it is very bitter. It is said to be strong - strong as death! Most
of the cheats of existence are strong. As to their sweetness - nothing is so
transitory: its date is a moment,
- the twinkling of an eye: the sting remains for ever: it may perish with the
dawn of eternity, but it tortures through time into its deepest night.'
'Yes, it tortures through time,' agreed Caroline, 'except when it is mutual
love.'
'Mutual love! My dear, romances are pernicious. You do not read them, I
hope?'
'Sometimes - whenever I can get them, indeed; but romance-writers might know
nothing of love, judging by the way in which they treat of it.'
'Nothing whatever, my dear!' assented Mrs. Pryor eagerly; 'nor of marriage;
and the false pictures they give of those subjects cannot be too strongly
condemned. They are not like reality: they show you only the green tempting
surface of the marsh, and give not one faithful or truthful hint of the slough
underneath.'
'But it is not always slough,' objected Caroline: 'there are happy marriages.
Where affection is reciprocal and sincere, and minds are harmonious, marriage
must be happy.'
'It is never wholly happy. Two people can never literally be as one: there
is, perhaps, a possibility of content under peculiar circumstances, such as are
seldom combined; but it is as well not to run the risk: you may make fatal
mistakes. Be satisfied, my dear: let all the single be satisfied with their
freedom.'
'You echo my uncle's words!' exclaimed Caroline, in a tone of dismay: 'you
speak like Mrs. Yorke, in her most gloomy moments; - like Miss Mann, when she is
most sourly and hypochondriacally disposed. This is terrible!'
'No, it is only true. Oh, child! you have only lived the pleasant morning
time of life: the hot, weary noon, the sad evening, the sunless night, are yet
to come for you! Mr. Helstone, you say, talks as I talk; and I wonder how Mrs.
Matthewson Helstone would have talked had she been living. She died! She
died!'
'And, alas! my own mother and father. . . .' exclaimed Caroline, struck by a
sombre recollection.
Mrs. Pryor shrunk and shuddered as if a rude finger had pressed a naked
nerve: Caroline felt she had touched what would not bear the slightest
contact.
'My marriage was unhappy,' said the lady, summoning courage at last; 'but yet
----' she hesitated.
'Not in its results, at least. No,' she added, in a softer tone; 'God mingles
something of the balm of mercy even in vials of the most corrosive woe. He can
so turn events, that from the very same blind, rash act whence sprang the curse
of half our life, may flow the blessing of the remainder. Then, I am of a
peculiar disposition, I own that: far from facile, without address, in some
points eccentric. I ought never to have married: mine is not the nature easily
to find a duplicate, or likely to assimilate with a contrast. I was quite aware
of my own ineligibility; and if I had not been so miserable as a governess, I
never should have married; and then ----'
Caroline's eyes asked her to proceed: they entreated her to break the thick
cloud of despair which her previous words had seemed to spread over life.
'And then, my dear, Mr. ---- that is, the gentleman I married, was, perhaps,
rather an exceptional than an average character. I hope, at least, the
experience of few has been such as mine was, or that few have felt their
sufferings as I felt mine. They nearly shook my mind: relief was so hopeless,
redress so unattainable: but, my dear, I do not wish to dishearten, I only wish
to warn you, and to prove that the single should not be too anxious to change
their state, as they may change for the worse.'
'Thank you, my dear madam, I quite understand your kind intentions; but there
is no fear of my falling into the error to which you allude. I, at least, have
no thoughts of marriage, and, for that reason, I want to make myself a position
by some other means.'
'My dear, listen to me. On what I am going to say, I have carefully
deliberated; having, indeed, revolved the subject in my thoughts ever since you
first mentioned your wish to obtain a situation. You know I at present reside
with Miss Keeldar in the capacity of companion: should she marry (and that she
will marry ere long, many circumstances induce me to conclude), I shall cease to
be necessary to her in that capacity. I must tell you that I possess a small
independency, arising partly from my own savings, and partly from a legacy left
me some years since; whenever I leave Fieldhead, I shall take a house of my own:
I could not endure to live in solitude: I have no relations whom I care to
invite to close intimacy; for, as you must have observed, and as I have already
avowed, my habits and tastes have their peculiarities: to you, my dear, I need
not say I am attached; with you I am happier than I have ever been with any
living thing' (this was said with marked emphasis). 'Your society I should
esteem a very dear privilege - an inestimable privilege, a comfort, a blessing.
You shall come to me then. Caroline, do you refuse me? I hope you can love
me?'
'Indeed, I do love you,' was the reply. 'I should like to live with you: but
you are too kind.'
'All I have,' went on Mrs. Pryor, 'I would leave to you: you should be
provided for, but never again say I am too kind. You pierce my heart,
child!'
'But, my dear madam - this generosity - I have no claim --'
'Hush! you must not talk about it: there are some things we cannot bear to
hear. Oh! it is late to begin, but I may yet live a few years: I can never wipe
out the past, but perhaps a brief space in the future may yet be mine!'
Mrs. Pryor seemed deeply agitated: large tears trembled in her eyes and
rolled down her cheeks. Caroline kissed her, in her gentle caressing way, saying
softly - 'I love you dearly. Don't cry.'
But the lady's whole frame seemed shaken: she sat down, bent her head to her
knee, and wept aloud. Nothing could console her till the inward storm had had
its way. At last the agony subsided of itself.
'Poor thing!' she murmured, returning Caroline's kiss: 'poor lonely lamb!
But come,' she added abruptly: 'come, we must go home.'
For a short distance Mrs. Pryor walked very fast: by degrees, however, she
calmed down to her wonted manner, fell into her usual characteristic pace - a
peculiar one, like all her movements - and by the time they reached Fieldhead,
she had re-entered into herself: the outside was, as usual, still and shy.