Time wore on, and spring matured. The surface of England began to look
pleasant: her fields grew green, her hills fresh, her gardens blooming; but at
heart she was no better. Still her poor were wretched, still their employers
were harassed. Commerce, in some of its branches, seemed threatened with
paralysis, for the war continued; England's blood was shed and her wealth
lavished: all, it seemed, to attain most inadequate ends. Some tidings there
were indeed occasionally of successes in the Peninsula, but these came in
slowly; long intervals occurred between, in which no note was heard but the
insolent self-felicitations of Bonaparte on his continued triumphs. Those who
suffered from the results of the war felt this tedious, and - as they thought -
hopeless, struggle against what their fears or their interests taught them to
regard as an invincible power, most insufferable: they demanded peace on any
terms: men like Yorke and Moore - and there were thousands whom the war placed
where it placed them, shuddering on the verge of bankruptcy - insisted on peace
with the energy of desperation.
They held meetings; they made speeches; they got up petitions to extort
this boon: on what terms it was made they cared not.
All men, taken singly, are more or less selfish; and taken in bodies they are
intensely so. The British merchant is no exception to this rule: the mercantile
classes illustrate it strikingly. These classes certainly think too exclusively
of making money: they are too oblivious of every national consideration but that
of extending England's (i.e., their own) commerce. Chivalrous feeling,
disinterestedness, pride in honour, is too dead in their hearts. A land ruled by
them alone would too often make ignominious submission - not at all from the
motives Christ teaches, but rather from those Mammon instils. During the late
war, the tradesmen of England would have endured buffets from the French on the
right cheek and on the left; their cloak they would have given to Napoleon, and
then have politely offered him their coat also, nor would they have withheld
their waistcoat if urged: they would have prayed permission only to retain their
one other garment, for the sake of the purse in its pocket. Not one spark of
spirit, not one symptom of resistance would they have shown till the hand of the
Corsican bandit had grasped that beloved purse: then, perhaps, transfigured at
once into British bull-dogs, they would have sprung at the robber's throat, and
there they would have fastened, and there hung - inveterate, insatiable, till
the treasure had been restored. Tradesmen, when they speak against war, always
profess to hate it because it is a bloody and barbarous proceeding: you would
think, to hear them talk, that they are peculiarly civilised - especially gentle
and kindly of disposition to their fellow-men. This is not the case. Many of
them are extremely narrow and cold-hearted, have no good feeling for any class
but their own, are distant - even hostile to all others; call them useless; seem
to question their right to exist; seem to grudge them the very air they breathe,
and to think the circumstance of their eating, drinking, and living in decent
houses, quite unjustifiable. They do not know what others do in the way of
helping, pleasing, or teaching their race; they will not trouble themselves to
inquire; whoever is not in trade is accused of eating the bread of idleness, of
passing a useless existence. Long may it be ere England really becomes a nation
of shopkeepers!
We have already said that Moore was no self-sacrificing patriot, and we have
also explained what circumstances rendered him specially prone to confine his
attention and efforts to the furtherance of his individual interest;
accordingly, when he felt himself urged a second time to the brink of ruin, none
struggled harder than he against the influences which would have thrust him
over. What he could do towards stirring agitation in the North against the war,
he did, and he instigated others whose money and connections gave them more
power than he possessed. Sometimes, by flashes, he felt there was little reason
in the demands his party made on Government: when he heard of all Europe
threatened by Bonaparte, and of all Europe arming to resist him; when he saw
Russia menaced, and beheld Russia rising, incensed and stern, to defend her
frozen soil, her wild provinces of serfs, her dark native despotism, from the
tread, the yoke, the tyranny of a foreign victor, he knew that England, a free
realm, could not then depute her sons to make concessions and propose terms to
the unjust, grasping French leader. When news came from time to time of the
movements of that man then representing England in the Peninsula; of his advance
from success to success - that advance so deliberate but so unswerving, so
circumspect but so certain, so 'unhasting' but so 'unresting'; when he read Lord
Wellington's own despatches in the columns of the newspapers, documents written
by Modesty to the dictation of Truth - Moore confessed at heart that a power was
with the troops of Britain, of that vigilant, enduring, genuine, unostentatious
sort, which must win victory to the side it led, in the end. In the end! but
that end, he thought, was yet far off; and meantime he, Moore, as an individual,
would be crushed, his hopes ground to dust: it was himself be had to care for,
his hopes he had to pursue, and he would fulfil his destiny.
He fulfiled it so vigorously, that ere long he came to a decisive rupture
with his old Tory friend the Rector. They quarrelled at a public meeting, and
afterwards exchanged some pungent letters in the newspapers. Mr. Helstone
denounced Moore as a Jacobin, ceased to see him, would not even speak to him
when they met: he intimated also to his niece, very distinctly, that her
communications with Hollow's Cottage must for the present cease; she must give
up taking French lessons. The language, he observed, was a bad and frivolous one
at the best, and most of the works it boasted were bad and frivolous, highly
injurious in their tendency to weak female minds. He wondered (he remarked
parenthetically) what noodle first made it the fashion to teach women French:
nothing was more improper for them; it was like feeding a rickety child on chalk
and water-gruel; Caroline must give it up, and give up her cousins too: they
were dangerous people.
Mr. Helstone quite expected opposition to this order; he expected tears.
Seldom did he trouble himself about Caroline s movements, but a vague idea
possessed him that she was fond of going to Hollow's Cottage: also he suspected
that she liked Robert Moore's occasional presence at the Rectory. The Cossack
had perceived that whereas if Malone stepped in of an evening to make himself
sociable and charming, by pinching the ears of an aged black cat, which usually
shared with Miss Helstone's feet the accommodation of her footstool, or by
borrowing a fowling-piece, and banging away at a tool-shed door in the garden
while enough of daylight remained to show that conspicuous mark - keeping the
passage and sitting-room doors meantime uncomfortably open for the convenience
of running in and out to announce his failures and successes with noisy
brusquerie - he had observed that under such entertaining circumstances Caroline
had a trick of disappearing, tripping noiselessly upstairs, and remaining
invisible till called down to supper. On the other hand, when Robert Moore was
the guest, though he elicited no vivacities from the cat, did nothing to it,
indeed, beyond occasionally coaxing it from the stool to his knee, and there
letting it purr, climb to his shoulder, and rub its head against his cheek;
though there was no ear-splitting cracking off of firearms, no diffusion of
sulphurous gunpowder perfume, no noise, no boasting during his stay, that still
Caroline sat in the room, and seemed to find wondrous content in the stitching
of Jew-basket pin-cushions, and the knitting of Missionary-basket socks.
She was very quiet, and Robert paid her little attention, scarcely ever
addressing his discourse to her; but Mr. Helstone, not being one of those
elderly gentlemen who are easily blinded, on the contrary, finding himself on
all occasions extremely wide-awake, had watched them when they bade each other
good-night: he had just seen their eyes meet once - only once. Some natures
would have taken pleasure in the glance then surprised, because there was no
harm and some delight in it. It was by no means a glance of mutual intelligence,
for mutual love-secrets existed not between them: there was nothing then of
craft and concealment to offend; only Mr. Moore's eyes, looking into Caroline's,
felt they were clear and gentle, and Caroline's eyes encountering Mr. Moore's
confessed they were manly and searching: each acknowledged the charm in his or
her own way. Moore smiled slightly, and Caroline coloured as slightly. Mr.
Helstone could, on the spot, have rated them both: they annoyed him; why? -
impossible to say. If you had asked him what Moore merited at that moment, he
would have said 'a horsewhip'; if you had inquired into Caroline's deserts, he
would have adjudged her a box on the ear; if you had further demanded the reason
of such chastisements, he would have stormed against flirtation and love-making,
and vowed he would have no such folly going on under his roof.
These private considerations, combined with political reasons, fixed his
resolution of separating the cousins. He announced his will to Caroline one
evening, as she was sitting at work near the drawing-room window: her face was
turned towards him, and the light fell full upon it. It had struck him a few
minutes before that she was looking paler and quieter than she used to look; it
had not escaped him either that Robert Moore's name had never, for some three
weeks past, dropped from her lips; nor during the same space of time had that
personage made his appearance at the Rectory. Some suspicion of clandestine
meetings haunted him; having but an indifferent opinion of women, he always
suspected them: he thought they needed constant watching. It was in a tone drily
significant he desired her to cease her daily visits to the Hollow; he expected
a start, a look of deprecation: the start he saw but it was a very slight one;
no look whatever was directed to him.
'And there must be no letter-scribbling to your cousin Hortense: no
intercourse whatever. I do not approve of the principles of the family: they are
Jacobinical.'
'Very well,' said Caroline quietly. She acquiesced then: there was no vexed
flushing of the face, no gathering tears: the shadowy thoughtfulness which had
covered her features ere Mr. Helstone spoke remained undisturbed: she was
obedient.
Yes, perfectly; because the mandate coincided with her own previous judgment;
because it was now become pain to her to go to Hollow's Cottage; nothing met her
there but disappointment: hope and love had quitted that little tenement, for
Robert seemed to have deserted its precincts. Whenever she asked after him -
which she very seldom did, since the mere utterance of his name made her face
grow hot - the answer was, be was from home, or he was quite taken up with
business: Hortense feared he was killing himself by application: he scarcely
ever took a meal in the house; he lived in the counting house.
At church only Caroline had the chance of seeing him, and there she rarely
looked at him: it was both too much pain and too much pleasure to look: it
excited too much emotion; and that it was all wasted emotion, she had learned
well to comprehend.
Once, on a dark, wet Sunday, when there were few people at church, and when
especially certain ladies were absent, of whose observant faculties and tomahawk
tongues Caroline stood in awe, she had allowed her eye to seek Robert's pew, and
to rest a while on its occupant. He was there alone: Hortense had been kept at
home by prudent considerations relative to the rain and a new spring 'chapeau.'
During the sermon, he sat with folded arms and eyes cast down, looking very sad
and abstracted. When depressed, the very hue of his face seemed more dusk than
when he smiled, and to-day cheek and forehead wore their most tintless and sober
olive. By instinct Caroline knew, as she examined that clouded countenance, that
his thoughts were running in no familiar or kindly channel; that they were far
away, not merely from her, but from all which she could comprehend, or in which
she could sympathise. Nothing that they had ever talked of together was now in
his mind: he was wrapped from her by interests and responsibilities in which it
was deemed such as she could have no part.
Caroline meditated in her own way on the subject; speculated on his feelings,
on his life, on his fears, on his fate; mused over the mystery of 'business,'
tried to comprehend more about it than had ever been told her - to understand
its perplexities, liabilities, duties, exactions; endeavoured to realise the
state of mind of man of a 'man of business,' to enter into it, feel what he
would feel, aspire to what he would aspire. Her earnest wish was to see things
as they were, and not to be romantic. By dint of effort she contrived to get a
glimpse of the light of truth here and there, and hoped that scant ray might
suffice to guide her.
'Different, indeed,' she concluded, 'is Robert's mental condition to mine: I
think only of him; he has no room, no leisure to think of me. The feeling
called love is and has been for two years the predominant emotion of my heart:
always there, always awake, always astir: quite other feelings absorb his
reflections, and govern his faculties. He is rising now, going to leave the
church, for service is over. Will he turn his head towards this pew? - no - not
once - he has not one look for me: that is hard: a kind glance would have made
me happy till to-morrow. I have not got it; he would not give it; he is gone.
Strange that grief should now almost choke me, because another human being's eye
has failed to greet mine.'
That Sunday evening, Mr. Malone coming, as usual, to pass it with his Rector,
Caroline withdrew after tea to her chamber. Fanny, knowing her habits, had lit
her a cheerful little fire, as the weather was so gusty and chill. Closeted
there, silent and solitary, what could she do but think? She noiselessly paced
to and fro the carpeted floor, her head drooped, her hands folded: it was
irksome to sit: the current of reflection ran rapidly through her mind: to-night
she was mutely excited.
Mute was the room, - mute the house. The double door of the study muffled the
voices of the gentlemen: the servants were quiet in the kitchen, engaged with
books their young mistress had lent them; books which she had told them were
'fit for Sunday reading.' And she herself had another of the same sort open on
the table, but she could not read it: its theology was incomprehensible to her,
and her own mind was too busy, teeming, wandering, to listen to the language of
another mind.
Then, too, her imagination was full of pictures; images of Moore; scenes
where he and she had been together; winter fireside sketches; a glowing
landscape of a hot summer afternoon passed with him in the bosom of Nunnely
Wood: divine vignettes of mild spring or mellow autumn moments, when she had sat
at his side in Hollow's Copse, listening to the call of the May cuckoo, or
sharing the September treasure of nuts and ripe blackberries - a wild dessert
which it was her morning's pleasure to collect in a little basket, and cover
with green leaves and fresh blossoms, and her afternoon's delight to administer
to Moore, berry by berry, and nut by nut, like a bird feeding its fledgling.
Robert's features and form were with her; the sound of his voice was quite
distinct in her ear; his few caresses seemed renewed. But these joys being
hollow, were, ere long, crushed in: the pictures faded, the voice failed, the
visionary clasp melted chill from her hand, and where the warm seal of lips had
made impress on her forehead, it felt now as if a sleety raindrop had fallen.
She returned from an enchanted region to the real world for Nunnely Wood in
June, she saw her narrow chamber; for the songs of birds in alleys, she heard
the rain on her casement; for the sigh of the south wind, came the sob of the
mournful east; and for Moore's manly companionship, she had the thin illusion of
her own dim shadow on the wall. Turning from the pale phantom which reflected
herself in its outline, and her reverie in the drooped attitude of its dim head
and colourless tresses, she sat down - inaction would suit the frame of mind
into which she was now declining - she said to herself - 'I have to live,
perhaps, till seventy years. As far as I know, I have good health: half a
century of existence may lie before me. How am I to occupy it? What am I to do
to fill the interval of time which spreads between me and the grave?'
'I shall not be married, it appears,' she continued. 'I suppose, as Robert
does not care for me, I shall never have a husband to love, nor little children
to take care of. Till lately I had reckoned securely on the duties and
affections of wife and mother to occupy my existence. I considered, somehow, as
a matter of course, that I was growing up to the ordinary destiny, and never
troubled myself to seek any other; but now, I perceive plainly, I may have been
mistaken. Probably I shall be an old maid. I shall live to see Robert married to
some one else, some rich lady: I shall never marry. What was I created for, I
wonder? Where is my place in the world?'
'Ah! I see,' she pursued presently: 'that is the question which most old
maids are puzzled to solve; other people solve it for them by saying, 'Your
place is to do good to others, to be helpful whenever help is wanted.' That is
right in some measure, and a very convenient doctrine for the people who hold
it; but I perceive that certain sets of human beings are very apt to maintain
that other sets should give up their lives to them and their service, and then
they requite them by praise: they call them devoted and virtuous. Is this
enough? Is it to live? Is there not a terrible hollowness, mockery, want,
craving, in that existence which is given away to others, for want of something
of your own to bestow it on? I suspect there is. Does virtue lie in abnegation
of self? I do not believe it. Undue humility makes tyranny; weak concession
creates selfishness. The Romish religion especially teaches renunciation of
self, submission to others, and nowhere are found so many grasping tyrants as in
the ranks of the Romish priesthood. Each human being has his share of rights. I
suspect it would conduce to the happiness and welfare of all, if each knew his
allotment, and held to it as tenaciously as the martyr to his creed. Queer
thoughts these, that surge in my mind: are they right thoughts? I am not
certain.
'Well, life is short at the best: seventy years, they say, pass like a
vapour, like a dream when one awaketh; and every path trod by human feet
terminates in one bourne - the grave: the little chink in the surface of this
great globe - the furrow where the mighty husbandman with the scythe deposits
the seed he has shaken from the ripe stem; and there it falls, decays, and
thence it springs again, when the world has rolled round a few times more. So
much for the body: the soul meantime wings its long flight upward, folds its
wings on the brink of the sea of fire and glass, and gazing down through the
burning clearness, finds there mirrored the vision of the Christian's triple
Godhead: the Sovereign Father; the mediating Son; the Creator Spirit. Such
words, at least, have been chosen to express what is inexpressible, to describe
what baffles description. The soul's real hereafter, who shall guess?'
Her fire was decayed to its last cinder; Malone had departed; and now the
study bell rang for prayers.
The next day Caroline had to spend altogether alone, her uncle being gone to
dine with his friend Dr. Boultby, vicar of Whinbury. The whole time she was
talking inwardly in the same strain; looking forwards, asking what she was to do
with life. Fanny, as she passed in and out of the room occasionally, intent on
housemaid errands, perceived that her young mistress sat very still. She was
always in the same place, always bent industriously over a piece of work: she
did not lift her head to speak to Fanny, as her custom was; and when the latter
remarked that the day was fine, and she ought to take a walk, she only said -
'It is cold.'
You are very diligent at that sewing, Miss Caroline,' continued the girl,
approaching her little table.
'Then why do you go on with it? Put it down: read, or do something to amuse
you.'
'It is solitary in this house, Fanny: don't you think so?'
'I don't find it so, miss. Me and Eliza are company for one another; but you
are quite too still - you should visit more. Now, be persuaded; go upstairs and
dress yourself smart, and go and take tea, in a friendly way, with Miss Mann or
Miss Ainley: I am certain either of those ladies would be delighted to see you.'
'But their houses are dismal: they are both old maids. I am certain old maids
are a very unhappy race.'
'Not they, miss: they can't be unhappy; they take such care of themselves.
They are all selfish.'
'Miss Ainley is not selfish, Fanny: she is always doing good. How devotedly
kind she was to her stepmother, as long as the old lady lived; and now when she
is quite alone in the world, without brother or sister, or any one to care for
her, how charitable she is to the poor, as far as her means permit! Still nobody
thinks much of her, or has pleasure in going to see her: and how gentlemen
always sneer at her!'
'They shouldn't, miss; I believe she is a good woman: but gentlemen think
only of ladies' looks.'
'I'll go and see her,' exclaimed Caroline, starting up:
'and if she asks me to stay to tea, I'll stay. How wrong it is to neglect people
because they are not pretty, and young, and merry! And I will certainly call to
see Miss Mann, too: she may not be amiable; but what has made her unamiable?
What has life been to her?'
Fanny helped Miss Helstone to put away her work, and afterwards assisted her
to dress.
'You'll not be an old maid, Miss Caroline,' she said, as she tied the sash of
her brown-silk frock, having previously smoothed her soft, full, and shining
curls; 'there are no signs of an old maid about you.'
Caroline looked at the little mirror before her, and she thought there were
some signs. She could see that she was altered within the last month; that the
hues of her complexion were paler, her eyes changed - a wan shade seemed to
circle them, her countenance was dejected: she was not, in short, so pretty or
so fresh as she used to be. She distantly hinted this to Fanny, from whom she
got no direct answer, only a remark that people did vary in their looks; but
that at her age a little falling away signified nothing, - she would soon come
round again, and be plumper and rosier than ever. Having given this assurance,
Fanny showed singular zeal in wrapping her up in warm shawls and handkerchiefs,
till Caroline, nearly smothered with the weight, was fain to resist further
additions.
She paid her visits: first to Miss Mann, for this was the most difficult
point: Miss Mann was certainly not quite a lovable person. Till now, Caroline
had always unhesitatingly declared she disliked her, and more than once she had
joined her cousin Robert in laughing at some of her peculiarities. Moore was not
habitually given to sarcasm, especially on anything humbler or weaker than
himself; but he had once or twice happened to be in the room when Miss Mann had
made a call on his sister, and after listening to her conversation and viewing
her features for a time, he had gone out into the garden where his little cousin
was tending some of his favourite flowers, and while standing near and watching
her, he had amused himself with comparing fair youth - delicate and attractive -
with shrivelled eld, livid and loveless, and in jestingly repeating to a smiling
girl the vinegar discourse of a cankered old maid. Once on such an occasion,
Caroline had said to him, looking up from the luxuriant creeper she was binding
to its frame, 'Ah! Robert, you do not like old maids. I, too, should come under
the lash of your sarcasm, if I were an old maid.'
'You an old maid!' he had replied. 'A piquant notion suggested by lips of
that tint and form. I can fancy you, though, at forty, quietly dressed, pale and
sunk, but still with that straight nose, white forehead, and those soft eyes. I
suppose, too, you will keep your voice, which has another 'timbre' than that
hard, deep organ of Miss Mann's. Courage, Cary! - even at fifty you will not be
repulsive.'
'Miss Mann did not make herself, or tune her voice, Robert.'
'Nature made her in the mood in which she makes her briars and thorns;
whereas for the creation of some women, she reserves the May morning hours, when
with light and dew she woos the primrose from the turf, and the lily from the
wood-moss.'
Ushered into Miss Mann's little parlour, Caroline found her, as she always
found her, surrounded by perfect neatness, cleanliness, and comfort (after all,
is it not a virtue in old maids that solitude rarely makes them negligent or
disorderly?); no dust on her polished furniture, none on her carpet, fresh
flowers in the vase on her table, a bright fire in the grate. She herself sat
primly and somewhat grimly-tidy in a cushioned rocking-chair, her hands busied
with some knitting: this was her favourite work, as it required the least
exertion. She scarcely rose as Caroline entered; to avoid excitement was one of
Miss Mann's aims in life: she had been composing herself ever since she came
down in the morning, and had just attained a certain lethargic state of
tranquillity when the visitor's knock at the door startled her, and undid her
day's work. She was scarcely pleased, therefore, to see Miss Helstone: she
received her with reserve, bade her be seated with austerity, and when she got
her placed opposite, she fixed her with her eye.
This was no ordinary doom - to be fixed with Miss Mann's eye. Robert Moore
had undergone it once, and had never forgotten the circumstance.
He considered it quite equal to anything Medusa could do: he professed to
doubt whether, since that infliction, his flesh had been quite what it was
before - whether there was not something stony in its texture. The gaze had had
such an effect on him as to drive him promptly from the apartment and house; it
had even sent him straightway up to the Rectory, where he had appeared in
Caroline's presence with a very queer face, and amazed her by demanding a
cousinly salute on the spot, to rectify a damage that had been done him.
Certainly Miss Mann had a formidable eye for one of the softer sex: it was
prominent, and showed a great deal of the white, and looked as steadily, as
unwinkingly, at you as if it were a steel ball soldered in her head; and when,
while looking, she began to talk in an indescribably dry monotonous tone - a
tone without vibration or inflection - you felt as if a graven image of some bad
spirit were addressing you. But it was all a figment of fancy, a matter of
surface. Miss Mann's goblin-grimness scarcely went deeper than the angel-
sweetness of hundreds of beauties. She was a perfectly honest, conscientious
woman, who had performed duties in her day from whose severe anguish many a
human Peri, gazelle-eyed, silken-tressed, and silver-tongued, would have shrunk
appalled: she had passed alone through protracted scenes of suffering, exercised
rigid self-denial, made large sacrifices of time, money, health, for those who
had repaid her only by ingratitude, and now her main - almost her sole - fault
was, that she was censorious.
Censorious she certainly was. Caroline had not sat five minutes ere her
hostess, still keeping her under the spell of that dread and Gorgon gaze, began
flaying alive certain of the families in the neighbourhood. She went to work at
this business in a singularly cool, deliberate manner, like some surgeon
practising with his scalpel on a lifeless subject: she made few distinctions;
she allowed scarcely any one to be good; she dissected impartially almost all
her acquaintance. If her auditress ventured now and then to put in a palliative
word, she set it aside with a certain disdain. Still, though thus pitiless in
moral anatomy, she was no scandal-monger: she never disseminated really
malignant or dangerous reports: it was not her heart so much as her temper that
was wrong.
Caroline made this discovery for the first time to-day; and moved thereby to
regret divers unjust judgments she had more than once passed on the crabbed old
maid, she began to talk to her softly, not in sympathising words, but with a
sympathising voice. The loneliness of her condition struck her visitor in a new
light; as did also the character of her ugliness - a bloodless pallor of
complexion, and deeply worn lines of feature. The girl pitied the solitary and
afflicted woman; her looks told what she felt: a sweet countenance is never so
sweet as when the moved heart animates it with compassionate tenderness. Miss
Mann, seeing such a countenance raised to her, was touched in her turn: she
acknowledged her sense of the interest thus unexpectedly shown in her, who
usually met with only coldness and ridicule, by replying to her candidly.
Communicative on her own affairs she usually was not, because no one cared to
listen to her; but to-day she became so, and her confidant shed tears as she
heard her speak: for she told of cruel, slow-wasting, obstinate sufferings. Well
might she be corpse-like; well might she look grim, and never smile; well might
she wish to avoid excitement, to gain and retain composure! Caroline, when she
knew all, acknowledged that Miss Mann was rather to be admired for fortitude
than blamed for moroseness. Reader! when you behold an aspect for whose constant
gloom and frown you cannot account, whose unvarying cloud exasperates you by its
apparent causelessness, be sure that there is a canker somewhere, and a canker
not the less deeply corroding because concealed.
Miss Mann felt that she was understood partly, and wished to be understood
further; for however old, plain, humble, desolate, afflicted we may be, so long
as our hearts preserve the feeblest spark of life, they preserve also, shivering
near that pale ember, a starved, ghostly longing for appreciation and affection.
To this extenuated spectre, perhaps, a crumb is not thrown once a year; but when
ahungered and athirst to famine - when all humanity has forgotten the dying
tenant of a decaying house - Divine Mercy remembers the mourner, and a shower of
manna falls for lips that earthly nutriment is to pass no more. Biblical
promises, heard first in health, but then unheeded, come whispering to the couch
of sickness: it is felt that a pitying God watches what all mankind have
forsaken; the tender compassion of Jesus is recalled and relied on: the faded
eye, gazing beyond Time, sees a Home, a Friend, a Refuge in Eternity.
Miss Mann, drawn on by the still attention of her listener, proceeded to
allude to circumstances in her past life. She spoke like one who tells the truth
- simply, and with a certain reserve: she did not boast, nor did she exaggerate.
Caroline found that the old maid had been a most devoted daughter and sister, an
unwearied watcher by lingering deathbeds; that to prolonged and unrelaxing
attendance on the sick, the malady that now poisoned her own life owed its
origin; that to one wretched relative she had been a support and succour in the
depths of self-earned degradation, and that it was still her hand which kept him
from utter destitution. Miss Helstone stayed the whole evening, omitting to pay
her other intended visit; and when she left Miss Mann, it was with the
determination to try in future to excuse her faults, never again to make light
of her peculiarities or to laugh at her plainness; and, above all things, not to
neglect her, but to come once a week, and to offer her from one human heart at
least, the homage of affection and respect: she felt she could now sincerely
give her a small tribute of each feeling.
Caroline, on her return, told Fanny she was very glad she had gone out, as
she felt much better for the visit. The next day she failed not to seek Miss
Ainley. This lady was in narrower circumstances than Miss Mann, and her dwelling
was more humble: it was, however, if possible, yet more exquisitely clean;
though the decayed gentlewoman could not afford to keep a servant, but waited on
herself, and had only the occasional assistance of a little girl who lived in a
cottage near.
Not only was Miss Ainley poorer, but she was even plainer than the other old
maid. In her first youth she must have been ugly; now, at the age of fifty, she
was very ugly. At first sight, all but peculiarly well-disciplined minds were
apt to turn from her with annoyance: to conceive against her a prejudice, simply
on the ground of her unattractive look. Then she was prim in dress and manner:
she looked, spoke, and moved the complete old maid.
Her welcome to Caroline was formal, even in its kindness - for it was kind;
but Miss Helstone excused this. She knew something of the benevolence of the
heart which beat under that starched kerchief; all the neighbourhood - at least
all the female neighbourhood - knew something of it: no one spoke against Miss
Ainley except lively young gentlemen, and inconsiderate old ones, who declared
her hideous.
Caroline was soon at home in that tiny parlour; a kind hand took from her her
shawl and bonnet, and installed her in the most comfortable seat near the fire.
The young and the antiquated woman were presently deep in kindly conversation,
and soon Caroline became aware of the power a most serene, unselfish, and
benignant mind could exercise over those to whom it was developed. She talked
never of herself - always of others. Their faults she passed over; her theme
was their wants, which she sought to supply; their sufferings, which she longed
to alleviate. She was religious - a professor of religion - what some would call
'a saint,' and she referred to religion often in sanctioned phrase - in phrase
which those who possess a perception of the ridiculous, without owning the power
of exactly testing and truly judging character, would certainly have esteemed a
proper subject for satire - a matter for mimicry and laughter. They would have
been hugely mistaken for their pains. Sincerity is never ludicrous; it is always
respectable. Whether truth - be it religious or moral truth - speak eloquently
and in well-chosen language or not, its voice should be heard with reverence.
Let those who cannot nicely, and with certainty, discern the difference between
the tones of hypocrisy and those of sincerity, never presume to laugh at all,
lest they should have the miserable misfortune to laugh in the wrong place, and
commit impiety when they think they are achieving wit.
Not from Miss Ainley's own lips did Caroline hear of her good works; but she
knew much of them nevertheless; her beneficence was the familiar topic of the
poor in Briarfield. They were not works of almsgiving: the old maid was too poor
to give much, though she straitened herself to privation that she might
contribute her mite when needful: they were the works of a Sister of Charity,
far more difficult to perform than those of a Lady Bountiful. She would watch by
any sick-bed: she seemed to fear no disease; she would nurse the poorest whom
none else would nurse: she was serene, humble, kind, and equable through
everything.
For this goodness she got but little reward in this life. Many of the poor
became so accustomed to her services that they hardly thanked her for them: the
rich heard them mentioned with wonder, but were silent, from a sense of shame at
the difference between her sacrifices and their own. Many ladies, however,
respected her deeply: they could not help it; one gentleman - one only - gave
her his friendship and perfect confidence: this was Mr. Hall, the vicar of
Nunnely. He said, and said truly, that her life came nearer the life of Christ
than that of any other human being he had ever met with. You must not think,
reader, that in sketching Miss Ainley's character, I depict a figment of
imagination - no - we seek the originals of such portraits in real life
only.
Miss Helstone studied well the mind and heart now revealed to her. She found
no high intellect to admire: the old maid was merely sensible, but she
discovered so much goodness, so much usefulness, so much mildness, patience,
truth, that she bent her own mind before Miss Ainley's in reverence. What was
her love of nature, what was her sense of beauty, what were her more varied and
fervent emotions, what was her deeper power of thought, what her wider capacity
to comprehend, compared to the practical excellence of this good woman?
Momently, they seemed only beautiful forms of selfish delight; mentally, she
trod them under foot.
It is true, she still felt with pain that the life which made Miss Ainley
happy could not make her happy: pure and active as it was, in her heart she
deemed it deeply dreary because it was so loveless - to her ideas, so forlorn.
Yet, doubtless, she reflected, it needed only habit to make it practicable and
agreeable to any one: it was despicable, she felt, to pine sentimentally, to
cherish secret griefs, vain memories; to be inert, to waste youth in aching
languor, to grow old doing nothing.
'I will bestir myself,' was her resolution, 'and try to be wise if I cannot
be good.'
She proceeded to make inquiry of Miss Ainley if she could help her in
anything. Miss Ainley, glad of an assistant, told her that she could, and
indicated some poor families in Briarfield that it was desirable she should
visit; giving her likewise, at her further request, some work to do for certain
poor women who had many children, and who were unskilled in using the needle for
themselves.
Caroline went home, laid her plans, and took a resolve not to swerve from
them. She allotted a certain portion of her time for her various studies, and a
certain portion for doing anything Miss Ainley might direct her to do; the
remainder was to be spent in exercise; not a moment was to be left for the
indulgence of such fevered thoughts as had poisoned last Sunday evening.
To do her justice, she executed her plans conscientiously, perseveringly. It
was very hard work at first - it was even hard work to the end, but it helped
her to stem and keep down anguish: it forced her to be employed; it forbade her
to brood; and gleams of satisfaction chequered her grey life here and there when
she found she had done good, imparted pleasure, or allayed suffering.
Yet I must speak truth; these efforts brought her neither health of body nor
continued peace of mind: with them all, she wasted, grew more joyless and more
wan; with them all, her memory kept harping on the name of Robert Moore; an
elegy over the past still rung constantly in her ear; a funereal inward cry
haunted and harassed her: the heaviness of a broken spirit, and of pining and
palsying faculties, settled slow on her buoyant youth. Winter seemed conquering
her spring: the mind's soil and its treasures were freezing gradually to barren
stagnation.