Life presented itself in a new aspect to Susan Brown. A hundred
little events and influences combining had made it seem to her less
a grab-bag, from which one drew good or bad at haphazard, and more a
rational problem, to be worked out with arbitrarily supplied
materials. She might not make herself either rich or famous, but she
could,--she began dimly to perceive,--eliminate certain things from
her life and put others in their places. The race was not to the
swift, but to the faithful. What other people had done, she, by
following the old copybook rules of the honest policy, the early
rising, the power of knowledge, the infinite capacity of taking
pains that was genius, could do, too. She had been the toy of chance
too long. She would grasp chance, now, and make it serve her. The
perseverance that Anna brought to her hospital work, that Josephine
exercised in her studies, Susan, lacking a gift, lacking special
training, would seriously devote to the business of getting married.
Girls did marry. She would presumably marry some day, and Peter
Coleman would marry. Why not, having advanced a long way in this
direction, to each other?
There was, in fact, no alternative in her case. She knew no other
eligible man half as well. If Peter Coleman went out of her life,
what remained? A somewhat insecure position in a wholesale drug-
house, at forty dollars a month, and half a third-story bedroom in a
boarding-house.
Susan was not a calculating person. She knew that Peter Coleman
liked her immensely, and that he could love her deeply, too. She
knew that her feeling for him was only held from an extreme by an
inherited feminine instinct of self-preservation. Marriage, and
especially this marriage, meant to her a great many pleasant things,
a splendid, lovable man with whom to share life, a big home to
manage and delight in, a conspicuous place in society, and one that
she knew that she could fill gracefully and well. Marriage meant
children, dear little white-clad sons, with sturdy bare knees, and
tiny daughters half-smothered in lace and ribbons; it meant power,
power to do good, to develop her own gifts; it meant, above all, a
solution of the problems of her youth. No more speculations, no more
vagaries, safely anchored, happily absorbed in normal cares and
pleasures, Susan could rest on her laurels, and look about her in
placid content!
No more serious thought assailed her. Other thoughts than these were
not "nice." Susan safe-guarded her wandering fancies as sternly as
she did herself, would as quickly have let Peter, or any other man,
kiss her, as to have dreamed of the fundamental and essential
elements of marriage. These, said Auntie, "came later." Susan was
quite content to ignore them. That the questions that "came later"
might ruin her life or unmake her compact, she did not know. At this
point it might have made no difference in her attitude. Her
affection for Peter was quite as fresh and pure as her feeling for a
particularly beloved brother would have been.
"You're dated three-deep for Thursday night, I presume?"
"Peter--how you do creep up behind one!" Susan turned, on the deck,
to face him laughingly. "What did you say?"
"Upstairs to lunch. Where did you think?" Susan exhibited the little
package in her hand. "Do I look like a person about to go to a
Browning Cotillion, or to take a dip in the Pacific?"
"No," gurgled Peter, "but I was wishing we could lunch together.
However, I'm dated with Hunter. But what about Thursday night?"
"Well---" Mr. Coleman picked a limp rubber bathing cap from the top
of a case, and distended it on two well-groomed hands. "Well,
Evangeline, how's Sat.? The great American pay-day!"
"Of course you can insult me, sir. I'm only a working girl!"
"No, but who have you got a date with?" Peter said curiously.
"You're blushing like mad! You're not engaged at all!"
"Yes, I am. Truly. Lydia Lord is taking the civil service
examinations; she wants to get a position in the public library. And
I promised that I'd take Mary's dinner up and sit with her."
"Oh, shucks! You could get out of that! However----I'll tell you
what, Susan. I was going off with Russ on Sunday, but I'll get out
of it, and we'll go see guard mount at the Presidio, and have tea
with Aunt Clara, what?"
"I don't believe they have guard mount on Sundays."
"Well, then we'll go feed the gold-fish in the Japanese gardens,--
they eat on Sundays, the poor things! Nobody ever converted them."
"Look here, Susan! Somebody's been stuffing you, I can see it! Was
it Auntie? Come on, now, what's the matter, all of a sudden?"
"There's nothing sudden about it," Susan said, with dignity, "but
Auntie does think that I go about with you a good deal---"
Peter was silent. Susan, stealing a glance at his face, saw that it
was very red.
"Oh, I love that! I'm crazy about it!" he said, grinning. Then, with
sudden masterfulness, "That's all rot! I'm coming for you on Sunday,
and we'll go feed the fishes!"
And he was gone. Susan ate her lunch very thoughtfully, satisfied on
the whole with the first application of the new plan.
On Sunday afternoon Mr. Coleman duly presented himself at the
boarding-house, but he was accompanied by Miss Fox, to whom Susan,
who saw her occasionally at the Saunders', had taken a vague
dislike, and by a Mr. Horace Carter, fat, sleepy, and slightly bald
at twenty-six.
"I brought 'em along to pacify Auntie," said Peter on the car.
"You don't like Con? Oh, she's loads of sport!" he assured her. "And
you'll like Carter, too, he's loads of fun!"
But Susan liked nobody and nothing that day. It was a failure from
beginning to end. The sky was overcast, gloomy. Not a leaf stirred
on the dripping trees, in the silent Park, fog filled all the little
canons. There were very few children on the merry-go-rounds, or in
the swings, and very few pleasure-seekers in the museum and the
conservatories. Miss Fox was quite comfortable in white furs, but
Susan felt chilly. She tried to strike a human spark from Mr.
Carter, but failed. Attempts at a general conversation also fell
flat.
They listened to the band for a little while, but it was too cold to
sit still very long, and when Peter proposed tea at the Occidental,
Susan visibly brightened. But the shamed color rose in her face when
Miss Fox languidly assured him that if he wanted her mother to scalp
her, well and good; if not, he would please not mention tea
downtown.
She added that Mama was having a tea herself to-day, or she would
ask them all to come home with her. This put Susan in an
uncomfortable position of which she had to make the best.
"If it wasn't for an assorted bunch of boarders," said Susan, "I
would ask you all to our house."
Miss Fox eyed her curiously a moment, then spoke to Peter.
"Well, do let's do something, Peter! Let's go to the Japanese
garden."
To the Japanese garden they went, for a most unsatisfactory tea.
Miss Fox, it appeared, had been to Japan,--"with Dolly Ripley,
Peter," said she, carelessly mentioning the greatest of California's
heiresses, and she delighted the little bowing, smiling tea-woman
with a few words in her native tongue. Susan admired this
accomplishment, with the others, as she drank the tasteless fluid
from tiny bowls.
Only four o'clock! What an endless afternoon it had been!
Peter took her home, and they chatted on the steps gaily enough, in
the winter twilight. But Susan cried herself to sleep that night.
This first departure from her rule had proven humiliating and
disastrous; she determined not to depart from it again.
Georgie and the doctor came to the house for the one o'clock
Christmas dinner, the doctor instantly antagonizing his wife's
family by the remark that his mother always had her Christmas dinner
at night, and had "consented" to their coming, on condition that
they come home again early in the afternoon. However, it was
delightful to have Georgie back again, and the cousins talked and
laughed together for an hour, in Mary Lou's room. Almost the first
question from the bride was of Susan's love-affair, and what Peter's
Christmas gift had been.
"It hasn't come yet, so I don't know myself!" Susan said readily.
But that evening, when Georgie was gone and her aunt and cousins
were at church, she sat down to write to Peter.
This is a perfectly exquisite pin, and you are a dear to have
remembered my admiring a pearl crescent months ago. I
never saw a pin that I liked better, but it's far too handsome
a gift for me to keep. I haven't even dared show it to Auntie
and the girls! I am sending it back to you, though I hate to
let it go, and thank you a thousand times.
Always affectionately yours,
SUSAN BROWN.
Peter answered immediately from the country house where he was
spending the holidays. Susan read his letter in the office, two days
after Christmas.
I see Auntie's fine Italian hand in this! You wait till your
father gets home, I'll learn you to sass back! Tell Mrs. Lancaster
that it's an imitation and came in a box of lemon drops,
and put it on this instant! The more you wear the better, this
cold weather!
I've got the bulliest terrier ever, from George. Show him
to you next week.
PETER.
Frowning thoughtfully, her eyes still on the scribbled half-sheet,
Susan sat down at her desk, and reached for paper and pen. She wrote
readily, and sent the letter out at once by the office boy.
Please don't make any more fuss about the pin. I can't
accept it, and that's all there is to it. The candy was quite
enough--I thought you were going to send me books. Hadn't
you better change your mind and send me a book? As ever,
S. B.
To which Peter, after a week's interval, answered briefly:
This ended the correspondence. Susan put the pin away in the back of
her bureau-drawer, and tried not to think about the matter.
January was cold and dark. Life seemed to be made to match. Susan
caught cold from a worn-out overshoe, and spent an afternoon and a
day in bed, enjoying the rest from her aching head to her tired
feet, but protesting against each one of the twenty trips that Mary
Lou made up and downstairs for her comfort. She went back to the
office on the third day, but felt sick and miserable for a long time
and gained strength slowly.
One rainy day, when Peter Coleman was alone in Mr. Brauer's office,
she took the little jeweler's box in and laid it beside him on the
desk.
"This is all darn foolishness!" Peter said, really annoyed.
"Well---" Susan shrugged wearily, "it's the way I feel about it."
"I thought you were more of a sport!" he said impatiently, holding
the box as if he did not quite know what to do with it.
"Perhaps I'm not," Susan said quietly. She felt as if the world were
slowly, dismally coming to an end, but she stood her ground.
An awkward silence ensued. Peter slipped the little box into his
pocket. They were both standing at his high desk, resting their
elbows upon it, and half-turned, so that they faced each other.
"Well," he said, discontentedly, "I've got to give you something or
other for Christmas. What'll it be?"
"Nothing at all, Peter," Susan protested, "just don't say anything
more about it!"
"Yes," Susan said simply. The absence of explanation was extremely
significant.
"So you're not going out with me any more?" he asked, after a pause.
"Not--for awhile," Susan agreed, with a little difficulty. She felt
a horrible inclination to cry.
"Well, gosh, I hope somebody is pleased at the trouble she has
made!" Peter burst out angrily.
"If you mean Auntie, Peter," indignation dried Susan's tears, "you
are quite mistaken! Anyway, she would be quite right not to want me
to accept expensive gifts from a man whose position is so different
from my own---"
"Rot!" said Peter, flushing, "that sounds like servants' talk!"
"Well, of course I know it is nonsense---" Susan began. And, despite
her utmost effort, two tears slipped down her cheeks.
"And if we were engaged it would be all right, is that it?" Peter
said, after an embarrassed pause.
"Yes, but I don't want you to think for one instant---" Susan began,
with flaming cheeks.
"I wish to the Lord people would mind their own business," Peter
said vexedly. There was a pause. Then he added, cheerfully, "Tell
'em we're engaged then, that'll shut 'em up!"
"Why wouldn't it be true?" he demanded, perversely.
"Because we aren't!" persisted Susan, rubbing an old blot on the
desk with a damp forefinger.
"I thought one day we said that when I was forty-five and you were
forty-one we were going to get married?" Peter presently reminded
her, half in earnest, half irritated.
"D-d-did we?" stammered Susan, smiling up at him through a mist of
tears.
"Sure we did. We said we were going to start a stock-ranch, and
raise racers, don't you remember?"
That was all. There was no chance for sentiment, they could not even
clasp hands, here in the office. Susan, back at her desk, tried to
remember exactly what had been said and implied.
"Peter, I'll have to tell Auntie!" she had exclaimed.
"I'll have to take my time about telling my aunt," he had said, "but
there's time enough! See here, Susan, I'm dated with Barney White in
Berkeley to-night--is that all right?"
"You see," Peter had explained, "it'll be a very deuce of a time
before we'll want everyone to know. There's any number of things to
do. So perhaps it's just as well if people don't suspect---"
"Peter, how extremely like you not to care what people think as long
as we're not engaged, and not to want them to suspect it when we
are!" Susan could say, smiling above the deep hurt in her heart.
Then Mr. Brauer came in, and Susan went back to her desk, brain and
heart in a whirl. But presently one fact disengaged itself from a
mist of doubts and misgivings, hopes and terrors. She and Peter were
engaged to be married! What if vows and protestations, plans and
confidences were still all to come, what if the very first kiss was
still to come? The essential thing remained; they were engaged, the
question was settled at last.
Peter was not, at this time, quite the ideal lover. But in what was
he ever conventional; when did he ever do the expected thing? No;
she would gain so much more than any other woman ever had gained by
her marriage, she would so soon enter on a life that would make
these days seem only a troubled dream, that she could well afford to
dispense with some of the things her romantic nature half expected
now. It might not be quite comprehensible in him, but it was
certainly a convenience for her that he seemed to so dread an
announcement just now. She must have some gowns for the
entertainments that would be given them; she must have some money
saved for trousseau; she must arrange a little tea at home, when,
the boarders being eliminated, Peter could come to meet a few of the
very special old friends. These things took time. Susan spent the
dreamy, happy afternoon in desultory planning.
Peter went out at three o'clock with Barney White, looking in to nod
Susan a smiling good-by. Susan returned to her dreams, determined
that she would find the new bond as easy or as heavy as he chose to
make it. She had only to wait, and fate would bring this wonderful
thing her way; it would be quite like Peter to want to do the thing
suddenly, before long, summon his aunt and uncle, her aunt and
cousins, and announce the wedding and engagement to the world at
once.
Lost in happy dreams, she did not see Thorny watching her, or catch
the intense, wistful look with which Mr. Brauer so often followed
her.
Susan had a large share of the young German's own dreams just now, a
demure little Susan in a checked gingham apron, tasting jelly on a
vine-shaded porch, or basting a chicken in a sunny kitchen, or
pouring her lord's coffee from a shining pot. The dream Susan's hair
was irreproachably neat, she wore shining little house-slippers, and
she always laughed out,--the ringing peal of bells that Henry Brauer
had once heard in the real Susan's laugh,--when her husband teased
her about her old fancy for Peter Coleman. And the dream Susan was
the happy mother of at least five little girls--all girls!--a little
Susan that was called "Sanna," and an Adelaide for the gross-mutter
in the old country, and a Henrietta for himself---
Clean and strong and good, well-born and ambitious, gentle, and full
of the love of books and music and flowers and children, here was a
mate at whose side Susan might have climbed to the very summit of
her dreams. But she never fairly looked at Mr. Brauer, and after a
few years his plump dark little dumpling of a Cousin Linda came from
Bremen to teach music in the Western city, and to adore clever
Cousin Heinrich, and then it was time to hunt for the sunny kitchen
and buy the shining coffee-pot and change little Sanna's name to
Linchen.
For Susan was engaged to Peter Coleman! She went home on this
particular evening to find a great box of American Beauty roses
waiting for her, and a smaller box with them--the pearl crescent
again! What could the happy Susan do but pin on a rose with the
crescent, her own cheeks two roses, and go singing down to dinner?
"Lovey, Auntie doesn't like to see you wearing a pin like that!"
Mrs. Lancaster said, noticing it with troubled eyes. "Didn't Peter
send it to you?"
"Yes'm," said Susan, dimpling, as she kissed the older woman.
"Don't you know that a man has no respect for a girl who doesn't
keep him a little at a distance, dear?"
"Susan!" gasped Mrs. Lancaster. Her voice changed, she caught the
girl by the shoulders, and looked into the radiant face. "Susan?"
she asked. "My child---!"
And Susan strangled her with a hug, and whispered, "Yes--yes--yes!
But don't you dare tell anyone!"
Poor Mrs. Lancaster was quite unable to tell anyone anything for a
few moments. She sat down in her place, mechanically returning the
evening greetings of her guests. Her handsome, florid face was quite
pale. The soup came on and she roused herself to serve it; dinner
went its usual way.
But going upstairs after dinner, Mary Lou, informed of the great
event in some mysterious way, gave Susan's waist a girlish squeeze
and said joyously, "Ma had to tell me, Sue! I am so glad!" and
Virginia, sitting with bandaged eyes in a darkened room, held out
both hands to her cousin, later in the evening, and said, "God bless
our dear little girl!" Billy knew it too, for the next morning he
gave Susan one of his shattering hand-grasps and muttered that he
was "darned glad, and Coleman was darned lucky," and Georgie, who
was feeling a little better than usual, though still pale and limp,
came in to rejoice and exclaim later in the day, a Sunday.
All of this made Susan vaguely uneasy. It was true, of course, and
yet somehow it was all too new, too strange to be taken quite
happily as a matter of course. She could only smile when Mary Lou
assured her that she must keep a little carriage; when Virginia
sighed, "To think of the good that you can do"; when Georgie warned
her against living with the old people.
"It's awful, take my word for it!" said Georgie, her hat laid aside,
her coat loosened, very much enjoying a cup of tea in the dining-
room. Young Mrs. O'Connor did not grow any closer to her husband's
mother. But it was to be noticed that toward her husband himself her
attitude was changed. Joe was altogether too smart to be cooped up
there in the Mission, it appeared; Joe was working much too hard,
and yet he carried her breakfast upstairs to her every morning; Joe
was an angel with his mother.
"I wish--of course you can explain to Peter now--but I wish that I
could give you a little engagement tea," said Georgie, very much the
matron.
"Oh, surely!" Susan hastened to reassure her. Nothing could have
been less to her liking than any festivity involving the O'Connors
just now. Susan had dined at the gloomy Mission Street house once,
and retained a depressing memory of the dark, long parlor, with only
one shutter opened in the bay window, the grim elderly hostess, in
mourning, who watched Georgie incessantly, the hard-faced elderly
maid, so obviously in league with her mistress against the new-
comer, and the dinner that progressed from a thick, sad-looking soup
to a firm, cold apple pie. There had been an altercation between the
doctor and his mother on the occasion of Susan's visit because there
had been no fire laid in Georgie's big, cold, upstairs bedroom.
Susan, remembering all this, could very readily excuse Georgie from
the exercise of any hospitality whatever.
"Don't give it another thought, Georgie!" said she.
"There'll be entertaining enough, soon!" said Mary Lou.
"But we aren't going to announce it for ever so long!" Susan said.
"Please,please don't tell anyone else, Auntie!" she besought over
and over again.
"My darling, not for the world! I can perfectly appreciate the
delicacy of feeling that makes you wish to leave all that to Peter!
And who knows? Only ourselves, and Billy, who is as close to you as
a dear brother could be, and Joe---"
"Oh, is Georgie going to tell Joe?" Susan asked, dismayed.
"Well, now, perhaps she won't," Mrs. Lancaster said soothingly. "And
I think you will find that a certain young gentleman is only too
anxious to tell his friends what a lovely girl he has won!" finished
Auntie archly.
Susan was somehow wretchedly certain that she would find nothing of
the kind. As a matter of fact, it chanced to be a week when she had
no engagements made with Peter, and two days went by--three--and
still she did not hear from him.
By Thursday she was acutely miserable. He was evidently purposely
avoiding her. Susan had been sleeping badly for several nights, she
felt feverish with anxiety and uncertainty. On Thursday, when the
girls filed out of the office at noon, she kept her seat, for Peter
was in the small office and she felt as if she must have a talk with
him or die. She heard him come into Front Office the moment she was
alone, and began to fuss with her desk without raising her eyes.
"Hello!" said Peter, sitting on a corner of the desk. "I've been
terribly busy with the Gerald theatricals, and that's why you
haven't seen me. I promised Mary Gerald two months ago that I'd be
in 'em, but by George! she's leaving the whole darn thing to me! How
are you?"
So gay, so big, so infinitely dear! Susan's doubts melted like mist.
She only wanted not to make him angry.
"I've been wondering where you were," she said mildly.
"Well, that's all right," Peter responded, after a perceptible
pause. "Nobody else knows?"
"Oh, nobody!" Susan answered, her heart fluttering nervously at his
tone, and her courage suddenly failing.
"And Auntie will keep mum, of course," he said thoughtfully. "It
would be so deuced awkward, Susan," he began.
"Oh, I know it!" she said eagerly. It seemed so much, after the
unhappy apprehensions of the few days past, to have him acknowledge
the engagement, to have him only concerned that it should not be
prematurely made known!
"Can't we have dinner together this evening, Sue? And go see that
man at the Orpheum,--they say he's a wonder!"
"Why, yes, we could. Peter,---" Susan made a brave resolution.
"Peter, couldn't you dine with us, at Auntie's, I mean?"
"Why, yes, I could," he said hesitatingly. But the moment had given
Susan time to reconsider the impulsively given invitation. For a
dozen reasons she did not want to take Peter home with her to-night.
The single one that the girls and Auntie would be quite unable to
conceal the fact that they knew of her engagement was enough. So
when Peter said regretfully, "But I thought we'd have more fun
alone! Telephone your aunt and ask her if we can't have a pious
little dinner at the Palace, or at the Occidental--we'll not see
anybody there!" Susan was only too glad to agree.
Auntie of course consented, a little lenience was permissible now.
"... But not supper afterwards, dear," said Auntie. "If Peter
teases, tell him that he will have you to himself soon enough! And
Sue," she added, with a hint of reproach in her voice, "remember
that we expect to see Peter out here very soon. Of course it's not
as if your mother was alive, dear, I know that! Still, even an old
auntie has some claim!"
"Well, Auntie, darling," said Susan, very low, "I asked him to
dinner to-night. And then it occurred to me, don't you know?---that
it might be better---"
"Gracious me, don't think of bringing him out here that way!"
ejaculated Mrs. Lancaster. "No, indeed. You're quite right. But
arrange it for very soon, Sue."
After an afternoon of happy anticipation it was a little
disappointing to find that she and Peter were not to be alone, a
gentle, pretty Miss Hall and her very charming brother were added to
the party when Peter met Susan at six o'clock.
"Friends of Aunt Clara's," Peter explained to Susan. "I had to!"
Susan, liking the Halls, sensibly made the best of them. She let
Miss Katharine monopolize Peter, and did her best to amuse Sam. She
was in high spirits at dinner, laughed, and kept the others
laughing, during the play,--for the plan had been changed for these
guests, and afterwards was so amusing and gay at the little supper
party that Peter was his most admiring self all the way home. But
Susan went to bed with a baffled aching in her heart. This was not
being engaged,--something was wrong.
She did not see Peter on Friday; caught only a glimpse of him on
Saturday, and on Sunday learned, from one of the newspapers, that
"Mr. Peter Coleman, who was to have a prominent part in the
theatricals to take place at Mrs. Newton Gerald's home next week,
would probably accompany Mr. Forrest Gerald on a trip to the Orient
in February, to be gone for some months."
Susan folded the paper, and sat staring blankly ahead of her for a
long time. Then she went to the telephone, and, half stunned by the
violent beating of her heart, called for the Baxter residence.
Burns answered. Mr. Coleman had gone out about an hour ago with Mr.
White. Burns did not know where. Mr. Coleman would be back for a
seven o'clock dinner. Certainly, Burns would ask him to telephone at
once to Miss Brown.
Excited, troubled, and yet not definitely apprehensive, Susan
dressed herself very prettily, and went out into the clear, crisp
sunshine. She decided suddenly to go and see Georgie. She would come
home early, hear from Peter, perhaps dine with him and his uncle and
aunt. And, when she saw him, she would tell him, in the jolliest and
sweetest way, that he must make his plans to have their engagement
announced at once. Any other course was unfair to her, to him, to
his friends.
If Peter objected, Susan would assume an offended air. That would
subdue him instantly. Or, if it did not, they might quarrel, and
Susan liked the definiteness of a quarrel. She must force this thing
to a conclusion one way or the other now, her own dignity demanded
it. As for Peter, his own choice was as limited as hers. He must
agree to the announcement,--and after all, why shouldn't he agree to
it?--or he must give Susan up, once and for all. Susan smiled. He
wouldn't do that!
It was a delightful day. The cars were filled with holiday-makers,
and through the pleasant sunshine of the streets young parents were
guiding white-coated toddlers, and beautifully dressed little girls
were wheeling dolls.
Susan found Georgie moping alone in the big, dark, ugly house; Aggie
was out, and Dr. O'Connor and his mother were making their annual
pilgrimage to the grave of their husband and father. The cousins
prepared supper together, in Aggie's exquisitely neat kitchen, not
that this was really necessary, but because the kitchen was so warm
and pleasant. The kettle was ticking on the back of the range, a
scoured empty milk-pan awaited the milk-man. Susan contrasted her
bright prospects with her cousin's dull lot, even while she
cheerfully scolded Georgie for being so depressed and lachrymose.
They fell to talking of marriage, Georgie's recent one, Susan's
approaching one. The wife gave delicate hints, the wife-to-be
revealed far more of her secret soul than she had ever dreamed of
revealing. Georgie sat, idly clasping the hands on which the
wedding-ring had grown loose, Susan turned and reversed the wheels
of a Dover egg-beater.
"Marriage is such a mystery, before you're into it," Georgie said.
"But once you're married, why, you feel as if you could attract any
man in the world. No more bashfulness, Sue, no more uncertainty. You
treat men exactly as you would girls, and of course they like it!"
Susan pondered this going home. She thought she knew how to apply it
to her attitude toward Peter.
Peter had not telephoned. Susan, quietly determined to treat him, or
attempt to treat him, with at least the frank protest she would have
shown to another girl, telephoned to the Baxter house at once. Mr.
Coleman was not yet at home.
Some of her resolution crumbled. It was very hard to settle down,
after supper, to an evening of solitaire. In these quiet hours,
Susan felt less confident of Peter's attitude when she announced her
ultimatum; felt that she must not jeopardize their friendship now,
must run no risks.
She had worked herself into a despondent and discouraged frame of
mind when the telephone rang, at ten o'clock. It was Peter.
"Hello, Sue!" said Peter gaily. "I'm just in. Burns said that you
telephoned."
"Burns said no more than the truth," said Susan. It was the old note
of levity, anything but natural to to-night's mood and the matter in
hand. But it was what Peter expected and liked. She heard him laugh
with his usual gaiety.
"Yes, he's a truthful little soul. He takes after me. What was it?"
"Oh, all right!" said Susan. A writhing sickness of spirit
threatened to engulf her, but her voice was quiet.
"I'm sorry, Sue," Peter said quickly in a lower tone, "I couldn't
very well get out of it without having them all suspect. You can see
that!"
Susan knew him so well! He had never had to do anything against his
will. He couldn't understand that his engagement entailed any
obligations. He merely wanted always to be happy and popular, and
have everyone else happy and popular, too.
"And what about this trip to Japan with Mr. Gerald?" she asked.
There was another silence. Then Peter said, in an annoyed tone:
"Oh, Lord, that would probably be for a month, or six weeks at the
outside!"
"Over the reservoir!" he said, and she hung up her receiver.
She did not sleep that night. Excitement, anger, shame kept her
wakeful and tossing, hour after hour. Susan's head ached, her face
burned, her thoughts were in a mad whirl. What to do--what to do--
what to do----! How to get out of this tangle; where to go to begin
again, away from these people who knew her and loved her, and would
drive her mad with their sympathy and curiosity!
The clock struck three--four--five. At five o'clock Susan, suddenly
realizing her own loneliness and loss, burst into bitter crying and
after that she slept.
The next day, from the office, she wrote to Peter Coleman:
I am beginning to think that our little talk in the office a
week ago was a mistake, and that you think so. I don't say
anything of my own feelings; you know them. I want to ask
you honestly to tell me of yours. Things cannot go on this
way.
Affectionately,
SUSAN.
This was on Monday. On Tuesday the papers recorded everywhere Mr.
Peter Coleman's remarkable success in Mrs. Newton Gerald's private
theatricals. On Wednesday Susan found a letter from him on her desk,
in the early afternoon, scribbled on the handsome stationery of his
club.
I shall always think that you are the bulliest girl I ever knew,
and if you throw me down on that arrangement for our old
age I shall certainly slap you on the wrist. But I know you
will think better of it before you are forty-one! What you
mean by "things" I don't know. I hope you're not calling me
a thing!
The reading of it gave Susan a sensation of physical illness. She
felt chilled and weak. How false and selfish and shallow it seemed;
had Peter always been that? And what was she to do now, to-morrow
and the next day and the next? What was she to do this moment,
indeed? She felt as if thundering agonies had trampled the very life
out of her heart; yet somehow she must look up, somehow face the
office, and the curious eyes of the girls.
"Love-letter, Sue?" said Thorny, sauntering up with a bill in her
hand. "Valentine's Day, you know!"
"No, darling; a bill," answered Susan, shutting it in a drawer.
She snapped up her light, opened her ledger, and dipped a pen in the
ink.