Back then, complainer...
Go, to the world return, nor fear to cast
Thy bread upon the waters, sure at last
In joy to find it after many days.--Christian Year.
The next day Ethel had hoped for a return to reason, but behold, the
world was cross! The reaction of the long excitement was felt,
Gertrude fretted, and was unwell; Aubrey was pettish at his lessons;
and Mary and Blanche were weary, yawning and inattentive; every straw
was a burden, and Miss Bracy had feelings.
Ethel had been holding an interminable conversation with her in the
schoolroom, interrupted at last by a summons to speak to a Cocksmoor
woman at the back door, and she was returning from the kitchen, when
the doctor called her into his study.
"Ethel! what is all this? Mary has found Miss Bracy in floods of
tears in the schoolroom, because she says you told her she was ill-
tempered."
"I am sure you will be quite as much surprised," said Ethel, somewhat
exasperated, "when you hear that you lacerated her feelings
yesterday."
"Well, that was it. She saw you had no confidence in her."
"Ethel, what on earth can you mean? I saw the two children dragging
on her, and I thought she would see nothing that was going on, and
would be glad to be released; and I wanted them to go with me and see
Meta's gold pheasants."
"That was the offence. She has been breaking her heart all this
time, because she was sure, from your manner, that you were
displeased to see them alone with her--eating bon-bons, I believe,
and therefore took them away."
"Daisy is the worse for her bon-bons, I believe, but the overdose of
them rests on my shoulders. I do not know how to believe you, Ethel.
Of course you told her nothing of the kind crossed my mind, poor
thing!"
"I told her so, over and over again, as I have done forty times
before but her feelings are always being hurt."
"Poor thing, poor thing! no doubt it is a trying situation, and she
is sensitive. Surely you are all forbearing with
her?"
"I hope we are," said Ethel; "but how can we tell what vexes her?"
"And what is this, of your telling her she was ill-tempered?" asked
Dr. May incredulously.
"Well, papa," said Ethel, softened, yet wounded by his thinking it so
impossible. "I had often thought I ought to tell her that these
sensitive feelings of hers were nothing but temper; and perhaps--
indeed I know I do--I partake of the general fractiousness of the
house to-day, and I did not bear it so patiently as usual. I did say
that I thought it wrong to foster her fancies; for if she looked at
them coolly, she would find they were only a form of pride and
temper."
"It did not come well from you, Ethel," said the doctor, looking
vexed.
"No, I know it did not," said Ethel meekly; "but oh! to have these
janglings once a week, and to see no end to them!"
"It is really as often, or more often," said Ethel. "If any of us
criticise anything the girls have done, if there is a change in any
arrangement, if she thinks herself neglected--I can't tell you what
little matters suffice; she will catch me, and argue with me, till--
oh, till we are both half dead, and yet cannot stop ourselves."
"What may seem nonsense to you is not the same to her. You must be
forbearing, Ethel. Remember that dependence is prone to morbid
sensitiveness, especially in those who have a humble estimate of
themselves."
"It seems to me that touchiness is more pride than humility," said
Ethel, whose temper, already not in the smoothest state, found it
hard that, after having long borne patiently with these constant
arguments, she should find Miss Bracy made the chief object of
compassion.
Dr. May's chivalrous feeling caused him to take the part of the weak,
and he answered, "You know nothing about it. Among our own kith and
kin we can afford to pass over slights, because we are sure the heart
is right--we do not know what it is to be among strangers, uncertain
of any claim to their esteem or kindness. Sad! sad!" he continued,
as the picture wrought on him. "Each trifle seems a token one way or
the other! I am very sorry I grieved the poor thing yesterday. I
must go and tell her so at once."
He put Ethel aside, and knocked at the schoolroom door, while Ethel
stood, mortified. "He thinks I have been neglecting, or speaking
harshly to her! For fifty times that I have borne with her
maundering, I have, at last, once told her the truth; and for that I
am accused of want of forbearance! Now he will go and make much of
her, and pity her, till she will think herself an injured heroine,
and be worse than ever; and he will do away with all the good of my
advice, and want me to ask her pardon for it--but that I never will.
It was only the truth, and I will stick to it."
"Ethel!" cried Mary, running up to her, then slackening her pace, and
whispering, "you did not tell Miss Bracy she was ill-tempered."
"I am sure she was very cross all day," said Mary.
"Well, that is no business of yours," said Ethel pettishly. "What
now? Mary, don't look out at the street window."
"It is Flora--the Grange carriage," whispered Mary, as the two
sisters made a precipitate retreat into the drawing-room.
Meanwhile, Dr. May had been in the schoolroom. Miss Bracy had ceased
her tears before he came--they had been her retort on Ethel, and she
had not intended the world to know of them. Half disconcerted, half
angry, she heard the doctor approach. She was a gentle, tearful
woman, one of those who are often called meek, under an erroneous
idea that meekness consists in making herself exceedingly miserable
under every kind of grievance; and she now had a sort of melancholy
satisfaction in believing that the young ladies had fabricated an
exaggerated complaint of her temper, and that she was going to become
injured innocence. To think herself accused of a great wrong,
excused her from perceiving herself guilty of a lesser one.
"Miss Bracy," said Dr. May, entering with his frank, sweet look, "I
am concerned that I vexed you by taking the children to walk with me
yesterday. I thought such little brats would be troublesome to any
but their spoiling papa, but they would have been in safer hands with
you. You would not have been as weak as I was, in regard to sugar-
plums." Such amends as these confused Miss Bracy, who found it
pleasanter to be lamentable with Ethel, than to receive a full
apology for her imagined offence from the master of the house.
Feeling both small and absurd, she murmured something of "oh, no,"
and "being sure," and hoped he was going, so that she might sit down
to pity herself, for those girls having made her appear so
ridiculous.
No such thing! Dr. May put a chair for her, and sat down himself,
saying, with a smile, "You see, you must trust us sometimes, and
overlook it, if we are less considerate than we might be. We have
rough, careless habits with each other, and forget that all are not
used to them."
Miss Bracy exclaimed, "Oh, no, never, they were most kind."
"We wish to be," said Dr. May, "but there are little neglects--or you
think there are. I will not say there are none, for that would be
answering too much for human nature, or that they are fanciful--for
that would be as little comfort as to tell a patient that the pain is
only nervous--"
Miss Bracy smiled, for she could remember instances when, after
suffering much at the time, she had found the affront imaginary.
He was glad of that smile, and proceeded. "You will let me speak to
you, as to one of my own girls? To them, I should say, use the only
true cure. Don't brood over vexations, small or great, but think of
them as trials that, borne bravely, become blessings."
"Oh! but Dr. May!" she exclaimed, shocked; "nothing in your house
could call for such feelings."
"I hope we are not very savage," he said, smiling; "but, indeed, I
still say it is the safest rule. It would be the only one if you
were really among unkind people; and, if you take so much to heart an
unlucky neglect of mine, what would you do if the slight were a true
one?"
"You are right; but my feelings were always over-sensitive;" and this
she said with a sort of complacency.
"Well, we must try to brace them," said Dr. May, much as if
prescribing for her. "Will not you believe in our confidence and
esteem, and harden yourself against any outward unintentional piece
of incivility?"
"Or at least, try to forgive and forget them. Talking them over only
deepens the sense of them, and discussions do no good to any one. My
daughters are anxious to be your best friends, as I hope you know."
"But, you see, I must say this," added Dr. May, somewhat hesitating,
"as they have no mother to--to spare all this," and then, growing
clearer, he proceeded, "I must beg you to be forbearing with them,
and not perplex yourself and them with arguing on what cannot be
helped. They have not the experience that could enable them to
finish such a discussion without unkindness; and it can only waste
the spirits, and raise fresh subjects of regret. I must leave you--I
hear myself called."
Miss Bracy began to be sensible that she had somewhat abused Ethel's
patience; and the unfortunate speech about the source of her
sensitiveness did not appear to her so direfully cruel as at first.
She hoped every one would forget all about it, and resolved not to
take umbrage so easily another time, or else be silent about it, but
she was not a person of much resolution.
The doctor found that Meta Rivers and her brother had brought Flora
home, and were in the drawing-room, where Margaret was hearing
another edition of the history of the fair, and a by-play was going
on, of teasing Blanche about the chain.
George Rivers was trying to persuade her to make one for him; and her
refusal came out at last, in an almost passionate key, in the midst
of the other conversation-- "No! I say-no!"
Margaret gravely sent Blanche and the other children away to take
their walk, and the brother and sister soon after took leave, when
Flora called Ethel to hasten to the Ladies' Committee, that they
might arrange the disposal of the one hundred and fifty pounds, the
amount of their gains.
"Do you think I cannot manage the Stoneborough folk?" said Flora,
looking radiant with good humour, and conscious of power. "Poor
Ethel! I am doing you good against your will! Never mind, here is
wherewith to build the school, and the management will be too happy
to fall into our hands. Do you think every one is as ready as you
are, to walk three miles and back continually?"
There was sense in this; there always was sense in what Flora said,
but it jarred on Ethel; and it seemed almost unsympathising in her to
be so gay, when the rest were wearied or perturbed. Ethel would have
been very glad of a short space to recollect herself, and recover her
good temper; but it was late, and Flora hurried her to put on her
bonnet, and come to the committee. "I'll take care of your
interests," she said, as they set out. "You look as doleful as if
you thought you should be robbed of Cocksmoor; but that is the last
thing that will happen, you will see."
"It would not be acting fairly to let them build for us, and then for
us to put them out of the management," said Ethel.
"My dear, they want importance, not action. They will leave the real
power to us of themselves."
"You like to build Cocksmoor with such instruments," said Ethel,
whose ruffled condition made her forget her resolution not to argue
with Flora.
"Bricks are made of clay!" said Flora. "There, that was said like
Norman himself! On your plan, we might have gone on for forty years,
saving seven shillings a year, and spending six, whenever there was
an illness in the place."
"You, who used to dislike these people more than even I did!" said
Ethel.
"That was when I was an infant, my dear, and did not know how to deal
with them. I will take care--I will even save Cherry Elwood for you,
if I can. Alan Ernescliffe's ten pounds is a noble weapon."
"You always mean to manage everything, and then you have no time!"
said Ethel, sensible all the time of her own ill-humour, and of her
sister's patience and amiability, yet propelled to speak the
unpleasant truths that in her better moods were held back.
Still Flora was good-tempered, though Ethel would almost have
preferred her being provoked; "I know," she said, "I have been using
you ill, and leaving the world on your shoulders, but it was all in
your service and Cocksmoor's; and now we shall begin to be reasonable
and useful again."
"Really, Ethel, to comfort you, I think I shall send you with Norman
to dine at Abbotstoke Grange on Wednesday. Mr. Rivers begged us to
come; he is so anxious to make it lively for his son."
"Thank you, I do not think Mr. George Rivers and I should be likely
to get on together. What a bad style of wit! You heard what Mary
said about him? and Ethel repeated the doubt between hating and
detesting.
"Young men never know how to talk to little girls," was Flora's
reply.
At this moment they came up with one of the Miss Andersons, and Flora
began to exchange civilities, and talk over yesterday's events with
great animation. Her notice always gave pleasure, brightened as it
was by the peculiarly engaging address which she had inherited from
her father, and which, therefore, was perfectly easy and natural.
Fanny Anderson was flattered and gratified, rather by the manner than
the words, and, on excellent terms, they entered the committee-room,
namely, the schoolmistress's parlour.
There were nine ladies on the committee--nine muses, as the doctor
called them, because they produced anything but harmony. Mrs.
Ledwich was in the chair; Miss Rich was secretary, and had her pen
and ink, and account-book ready. Flora came in, smiling and
greeting; Ethel, grave, earnest, and annoyed, behind her, trying to
be perfectly civil, but not at all enjoying the congratulations on
the successful bazaar. The ladies all talked and discussed their
yesterday's adventures, gathering in little knots, as they traced the
fate of favourite achievements of their skill, while Ethel,
lugubrious and impatient, beside Flora, the only one not engaged,
and, therefore, conscious of the hubbub of clacking tongues.
At last Mrs. Ledwich glanced at the mistress's watch, in its
pasteboard tower, in Gothic architecture, and insisted on proceeding
to business. So they all sat down round a circular table, with a
very fine red, blue, and black oilcloth, whose pattern was
inseparably connected, in Ethel's mind, with absurdity, tedium, and
annoyance.
The business was opened by the announcement of what they all knew
before, that the proceeds of the fancy fair amounted to one hundred
and forty-nine pounds fifteen shillings and tenpence.
Then came a pause, and Mrs. Ledwich said that next they had to
consider what was the best means of disposing of the sum gained in
this most gratifying manner. Every one except Flora, Ethel, and
quiet Mrs. Ward, began to talk at once. There was a great deal about
Elizabethan architecture, crossed by much more, in which normal,
industrial, and common things, most often met Ethel's ear, with some
stories, second-hand, from Harvey Anderson, of marvellous mistakes;
and, on the opposite side of the table, there was Mrs. Ledwich,
impressively saying something to the silent Mrs. Ward, marking her
periods with emphatic beats with her pencil, and each seemed to close
with "Mrs. Perkinson's niece," whom Ethel knew to be Cherry's
intended supplanter. She looked piteously at Flora, who only smiled
and made a sign with her hand to her to be patient. Ethel fretted
inwardly at that serene sense of power; but she could not but admire
how well Flora knew how to bide her time, when, having waited till
Mrs. Ledwich had nearly wound up her discourse on Mrs. Elwood's
impudence, and Mrs. Perkinson's niece, she leaned towards Miss
Boulder, who sat between, and whispered to her, "Ask Mrs. Ledwich if
we should not begin with some steps for getting the land."
Miss Boulder, having acted as conductor, the president exclaimed,
"Just so, the land is the first consideration. We must at once take
steps for obtaining it." Thereupon Mrs. Ledwich, who "always did
things methodically," moved, and Miss Anderson seconded, that the
land requisite for the school must be obtained, and the nine ladies
held up their hands, and resolved it.
Miss Rich duly recorded the great resolution, and Miss Boulder
suggested that, perhaps, they might write to the National Society, or
Government, or something; whereat Miss Rich began to flourish one of
the very long goose quills which stood in the inkstand before her,
chiefly as insignia of office, for she always wrote with a small,
stiff metal pen.
Flora here threw in a query, whether the National Society, or
Government, or something, would give them a grant, unless they had
the land to build upon?
The ladies all started off hereupon, and all sorts of instances of
hardness of heart were mentioned, the most relevant of which was,
that the Church Building Society would not give a grant to Mr.
Holloway's proprietary chapel at Whitford, when Mrs. Ledwich was
suddenly struck with the notion that dear Mr. Holloway might be
prevailed on to come to Stoneborough to preach a sermon in the
Minster, for the benefit of Cocksmoor, when they would all hold
plates at the door. Flora gave Ethel a tranquillising pat, and, as
Mrs. Ledwich turned to her, asking whether she thought Dr. May, or
Dr. Hoxton, would prevail on him to come, she said, with her winning
look, "I think that consideration had better wait till we have some
more definite view. Had we not better turn to this land question?"
"Quite true!" they all agreed, but to whom did the land belong?--and
what a chorus arose! Miss Anderson thought it belonged to Mr.
Nicolson, because the wagons of slate had James Nicolson on them,
and, if so, they had no chance, for he was an old miser--and six
stories illustrative thereof ensued. Miss Rich was quite sure some
Body held it, and Bodies were slow of movement. Mrs. Ledwich
remembered some question of enclosing, and thought all waste lands
were under the Crown; she knew that the Stoneborough people once had
a right to pasture their cattle, because Mr. Southron's cow had
tumbled down a loam-pit when her mother was a girl. No, that was on
Far-view down, out the other way! Miss Harrison was positive that
Sir Henry Walkinghame had some right there, and would not Dr. May
apply to him? Mrs. Grey thought it ought to be part of the Drydale
estate, and Miss Boulder was certain that Mr. Bramshaw knew all about
it.
Flora's gentle voice carried conviction that she knew what she was
saying, when, at last, they left a moment for her to speak--(Ethel
would have done so long ago). "If I am not mistaken, the land is a
copyhold of Sir Henry Walkinghame, held under the manor of Drydale,
which belongs to M-- College, and is underlet to Mr. Nicolson."
Everybody, being partially right, was delighted, and had known it all
before; Miss Boulder agreed with Miss Anderson that Miss May had
stated it as lucidly as Mr. Bramshaw could. The next question was,
to whom to apply? and, after as much as was expedient had been said
in favour of each, it was decided that, as Sir Henry Walkinghame was
abroad, no one knew exactly where, it would be best to go to the
fountain-head, and write at once to the principal of the college.
But who was to write? Flora proposed Mr. Ramsden as the fittest
person, but this was negatived. Every one declared that he would
never take the trouble, and Miss Rich began to agitate her pens. By
this time, however, Mrs. Ward, who was opposite to the Gothic clock-
tower, began to look uneasy, and suggested, in a nervous manner, that
it was half-past five, and she was afraid Mr. Ward would be kept
waiting for his dinner. Mrs. Grey began to have like fears, that Mr.
Grey would be come in from his ride after banking hours. The other
ladies began to think of tea, and the meeting decided on adjourning
till that day next week, when the committee would sit upon Miss
Rich's letter.
"My dear Miss Flora!" began Miss Rich, adhering to her as they parted
with the rest at the end of the street, "how am I to write to a
principal? Am I to begin Reverend Sir, or My Lord, or is he
Venerable, like an archdeacon? What is his name, and what am I to
say?"
"Why, it is not a correspondence much in my line," said Flora,
laughing.
"Ah! but you are so intimate with Dr. Hoxton, and your brothers at
Oxford! You must know--"
"I'll take advice," said Flora good-naturedly. "Shall I come, and
call before Friday, and tell you the result?"
"Oh, pray! It will be a real favour! Good-morning--"
"There," said Flora, as the sisters turned homewards, "Cherry is not
going to be turned out just yet!"
"How could you, Flora? Now they will have that man from Whitford,
and you said not a word against it!"
"What was the use of adding to the hubbub? A little opposition would
make them determined on having him. You will see, Ethel, we shall
get the ground on our own terms, and then it will be time to settle
about the mistress. If the harvest holidays were not over, we would
try to send Cherry to a training-school, so as to leave them no
excuse."
"I hate all this management and contrivance. It would be more honest
to speak our minds, and not pretend to agree with them."
"My dear Ethel! have I spoken a word contrary to my opinion? It is
not fit for me, a girl of twenty, to go disputing and dragooning as
you would have me; but a little savoir faire, a grain of common
sense, thrown in among the babble, always works. Don't you remember
how Mrs. Ward's sister told us that a whole crowd of tottering
Chinese ladies would lean on her, because they felt her firm support,
though it was out of sight?"
Ethel did not answer; she had self-control enough left not to retort
upon Flora's estimate of herself, but the irritation was strong; she
felt as if her cherished views for Cocksmoor were insulted, as well
as set aside, by the place being made the occasion of so much folly
and vain prattle, the sanctity of her vision of self-devotion
destroyed by such interference, and Flora's promises did not reassure
her. She doubted Flora's power, and had still more repugnance to the
means by which her sister tried to govern; they did not seem to her
straightforward, and she could not endure Flora's complacency in
their success. Had it not been for her real love for the place and
people, as well as the principle which prompted that love, she could
have found it in her heart to throw up all concern with it, rather
than become a fellow-worker with such a conclave.
Such were Ethel's feelings as the pair walked down the street; the
one sister bright and smiling with the good humour that had endured
many shocks all that day, all good nature and triumph, looking
forward to success, great benefit to Cocksmoor, and plenty of
management, with credit and praise to herself; the other, downcast
and irritable, with annoyance at the interference with her schemes,
at the prospects of her school, and at herself for being out of
temper, prone to murmur or to reply tartly, and not able to recover
from her mood, but only, as she neared the house, lapsing into her
other trouble, and preparing to resist any misjudged, though kind
attempt of her father, to make her unsay her rebuke to Miss Bracy.
Pride and temper! Ah! Etheldred! where were they now?
Dr. May was at his study door as his daughters entered the hall, and
Ethel expected the order which she meant to question; but, instead of
this, after a brief inquiry after the doings of the nine muses, which
Flora answered, so as to make him laugh, he stopped Ethel, as she was
going upstairs, by saying, "I do not know whether this letter is
intended for Richard, or for me. At any rate, it concerns you most."
The envelope was addressed to the Reverend Richard May, D. D., Market
Stoneborough, and the letter began, "Reverend Sir." So far Ethel
saw, and exclaimed, with amusement, then, with a long-drawn "Ah!"
and an interjection, "My poor dear Una!" she became absorbed, the
large tears--yes, Ethel's reluctant tears gathering slowly and
dropping.
The letter was from a clergyman far away in the north of England, who
said he could not, though a stranger, resist the desire to send to
Dr. May an account of a poor girl, who seemed to have received great
benefits from him, or from some of his family, especially as she had
shown great eagerness on his proposing to write.
He said it was nearly a year since there had come into his parish a
troop of railwaymen and their families. For the most part, they were
completely wild and rude, unused to any pastoral care; but, even on
the first Sunday, he had noticed a keen-looking, freckled, ragged,
unmistakably Irish girl, creeping into church with a Prayer-book in
her hand, and had afterwards found her hanging about the door of the
school. "I never saw a more engaging, though droll, wild expression,
than that with which she looked up to me." (Ethel's cry of delight
was at that sentence--she knew that look too well, and had yearned
after it so often!) "I found her far better instructed than her
appearance had led me to expect, and more truly impressed with the
spirit of what she had learned than it has often been my lot to find
children. She was perfect in the New Testament history"--("Ah! that
she was not, when she went away!")--"and was in the habit of
constantly attending church, and using morning and evening prayers."
("Oh! how I longed, when she went away, to beg her to keep them up!
Dear Una.") "On my questions, as to how she had been taught, she
always replied, 'Mr. Richard May,' or 'Miss Athel.' You must excuse
me if I have not correctly caught the name from her Irish
pronunciation." ("I am afraid he thinks my name is Athaliah! But
oh! this dear girl! How I have wished to hear of her!") "Everything
was answered with 'Mr. Richard,' or 'Miss Athel'; and, if I inquired
further, her face would light up with a beam of gratitude, and she
would run on, as long as I could listen, with instances of their
kindness. It was the same with her mother, a wild, rude specimen of
an Irishwoman, whom I never could bring to church herself, but who
ran on loudly with their praises, usually ending with 'Heavens be
their bed,' and saying that Una had been quite a different girl since
the young ladies and gentleman found her out, and put them parables
in her head.
"For my own part, I can testify that, in the seven months that she
attended my school, I never had a serious fault to find with her, but
far more often to admire the earnestness and devout spirit, as well
as the kindness and generosity apparent in all her conduct. Bad
living, and an unwholesome locality, have occasioned a typhus fever
among the poor strangers in this place, and Una was one of the first
victims. Her mother, almost from the first, gave her up, saying she
knew she was one marked for glory; and Una has been lying, day after
day, in a sort of half-delirious state, constantly repeating hymns
and psalms, and generally, apparently very happy, except when one
distress occurred again and again, whether delirious or sensible,
namely, that she had never gone to wish Miss May good-bye, and thank
her; and that maybe she and Mr. Richard thought her ungrateful; and
she would sometimes beg, in her phraseology, to go on her bare knees
to Stoneborough, only to see Miss Athel again.
"Her mother, I should say, told me the girl had been half mad at not
being allowed to go and take leave of Miss May; and she had been
sorry herself, but her husband had come home suddenly from the search
for work, and, having made his arrangements, removed them at once,
early the next morning--too early to go to the young lady; though,
she said, Una did--as they passed through Stoneborough--run down the
street before she was aware, and she found her sobbing, fit to break
her heart, before the house." ("Oh, why, why was I not up, and at
the window! Oh, my Una! to think of that!") "When I spoke of
writing to let Miss May hear how it was, the poor girl caught at the
idea with the utmost delight. Her weakness was too great to allow
her to utter many words distinctly, when I asked her what she would
have me say, but these were as well as I could understand:--'The
blessing of one, that they have brought peace unto. Tell them I
pray, and will pray, that they may walk in the robe of glory--and
tell Mr. Richard that I mind what he said to me, of taking hold on
the sure hope. God crown all their crosses unto them, and fulfil all
their desires unto everlasting life.' I feel that I am not rendering
her words with all their fervour and beauty of Irish expression, but
I would that I could fully retain and transmit them, for those who
have so led her must, indeed, be able to feel them precious. I never
saw a more peaceful frame of penitence and joy. She died last night,
sleeping herself away, without more apparent suffering, and will be
committed to the earth on Sunday next, all her fellow-scholars
attending; and, I hope, profiting by the example she has left.
"I have only to add my most earnest congratulations to those whose
labour of love has borne such blessed fruit; and, hoping you will
pardon the liberty, etc."
Etheldred finished the letter through blinding tears, while rising
sobs almost choked her. She ran away to her own room, bolted the
door, and threw herself on her knees, beside her bed--now confusedly
giving thanks for such results--now weeping bitterly over her own
unworthiness. Oh! what was she in the sight of Heaven, compared with
what this poor girl had deemed her--with what this clergyman thought
her? She, the teacher, taught, trained, and guarded, from her
infancy, by her wise mother, and by such a father! She, to have
given way all day to pride, jealousy, anger, selfish love of her own
will; when this poor girl had embraced, and held fast, the blessed
hope, from the very crumbs they had brought her! Nothing could have
so humbled the distrustful spirit that had been working in Ethel,
which had been scotched into silence--not killed--when she endured
the bazaar, and now had been indemnifying itself by repining at every
stumbling-block. Her own scholar's blessing was the rebuke that went
most home to her heart, for having doubted whether good could be
worked in any way, save her own.
She was interrupted by Mary trying to open the door, and, admitting
her, heard her wonder at the traces of her tears, and ask what there
was about Una. Ethel gave her the letter, and Mary's tears showered
very fast--they always came readily. "Oh, Ethel, how glad Richard
will be!"
"Yes; it is all Richard's doing. So much more good, and wise, and
humble, as he is. No wonder his teaching--" and Ethel sat down and
cried again.
Mary pondered. " It makes me very glad," she said; "and yet I don't
know why one cries. Ethel, do you think"--she came near, and
whispered--"that Una has met dear mamma there?"
Ethel kissed her. It was almost the first time Mary had spoken of
her mother; and she answered, "Dear Mary, we cannot tell--we may
think. It is all one communion, you know."
Mary was silent, and, next time she spoke, it was to hope that Ethel
would tell the Cocksmoor children about Una.
Ethel was obliged to dress, and go downstairs to tea. Her father
seemed to have been watching for her, with his study door open, for
he came to meet her, took her hand, and said, in a low voice, "My
dear child, I wish you joy. This will be a pleasant message, to bid
poor Ritchie good speed for his ordination, will it not?"
"Why, Ethel, have you been crying over it all this time?" said he,
struck by the sadness of her voice.
"Many other things, papa. I am so unworthy--but it was not our
doing--but the grace--"
"No, but thankful you may be, to have been the means of awakening the
grace!"
Ethel's lips trembled. "And oh, papa! coming to-day, when I have
been behaving so ill to you, and Miss Bracy, and Flora, and all.
"Have you? I did not know you had behaved ill to me."
"About Miss Bracy--I thought wrong things, if I did not say them. To
her, I believe, I said what was true, though it was harsh of me to
say it, and--"
"What? about pride and temper? It was true, and I hope it will do
her good. Cure a piping turkey with a peppercorn sometimes. I have
spoken to her, and told her to pluck up a little spirit; not fancy
affronts, and not to pester you with them. Poor child! you have been
sadly victimised to-day and yesterday. No wonder you were bored past
patience, with that absurd rabble of women!"
"It was all my own selfish, distrustful temper, wanting to have
Cocksmoor taken care of in my own way, and angry at being interfered
with. I see it now--and here this poor girl, that I thought thrown
away--"
"Ay, Ethel, you will often see the like. The main object may fail or
fall short, but the earnest painstaking will always be blessed some
way or other, and where we thought it most wasted, some fresh green
shoot will spring up, to show it is not we that give the increase. I
suppose you will write to Richard with this?"
"May all your ministerial works be as blessed as this, your first
labour of love. I give you hearty joy of this strengthening
blessing. Mine goes with it--'Only be strong and of a good courage!'
--Your affectionate father,
R. May.
"PS.--Margaret does not gain ground this summer; you must soon
come home and cheer her."