Gleam of a thousand lights; clack and mutter of innumerable voices,
laughter, footsteps; hiss and rumble of passing trains taking
gamblers back to Nice or Mentone; fevered wailing from the violins
of four fiddlers with dark-white skins outside the cafe; and above,
around, beyond, the dark sky, and the dark mountains, and the dark
sea, like some great dark flower to whose heart is clinging a
jewelled beetle. So was Monte Carlo on that May night of 1887.
But Mark Lennan, at one of the little marble-topped tables, was in
too great maze and exaltation of spirit and of senses to be
conscious of its glare and babel, even of its beauty. He sat so
very still that his neighbours, with the instinctive aversion of
the human creature to what is too remote from its own mood, after
one good stare, turned their eyes away, as from something
ludicrous, almost offensive.
He was lost, indeed, in memory of the minutes just gone by. For it
had come at last, after all these weeks of ferment, after all this
strange time of perturbation.
Very stealthily it had been creeping on him, ever since that chance
introduction nearly a year ago, soon after he settled down in
London, following those six years of Rome and Paris. First the
merest friendliness, because she was so nice about his work; then
respectful admiration, because she was so beautiful; then pity,
because she was so unhappy in her marriage. If she had been happy,
he would have fled. The knowledge that she had been unhappy long
before he knew her had kept his conscience still. And at last one
afternoon she said: "Ah! if you come out there too!" Marvelously
subtle, the way that one little outslipped saying had worked in
him, as though it had a life of its own--like a strange bird that
had flown into the garden of his heart, and established itself with
its new song and flutterings, its new flight, its wistful and ever
clearer call. That and one moment, a few days later in her London
drawing-room, when he had told her that he was coming, and she did
not, could not, he felt, look at him. Queer, that nothing
momentous said, done--or even left undone--had altered all the
future!
And so she had gone with her uncle and aunt, under whose wing one
might be sure she would meet with no wayward or exotic happenings.
And he had received from her this little letter:
That letter was the single clear memory he had of the time between
her going and his following. He received it one afternoon, sitting
on an old low garden wall with the spring sun shining on him
through apple-trees in blossom, and a feeling as if all the desire
of the world lay before him, and he had but to stretch out his arms
to take it.
Then confused unrest, all things vague; till at the end of his
journey he stepped out of the train at Beaulieu with a furiously
beating heart. But why? Surely he had not expected her to come
out from Monte Carlo to meet him!
A week had gone by since then in one long effort to be with her and
appear to others as though he did not greatly wish to be; two
concerts, two walks with her alone, when all that he had said
seemed as nothing said, and all her sayings but ghosts of what he
wished to hear; a week of confusion, day and night, until, a few
minutes ago, her handkerchief had fallen from her glove on to the
dusty road, and he had picked it up and put it to his lips.
Nothing could take away the look she had given him then. Nothing
could ever again separate her from him utterly. She had confessed
in it to the same sweet, fearful trouble that he himself was
feeling. She had not spoken, but he had seen her lips part, her
breast rise and fall. And he had not spoken. What was the use of
words?
He felt in the pocket of his coat. There, against his fingers, was
that wisp of lawn and lace, soft, yet somehow alive; and stealthily
he took it out. The whole of her, with her fragrance, seemed
pressed to his face in the touch of that lawn border, roughened by
little white stars. More secretly than ever he put it back; and
for the first time looked round. These people! They belonged to a
world that he had left. They gave him the same feeling that her
uncle and aunt had given him just now, when they said good-night,
following her into their hotel. That good Colonel, that good Mrs.
Ercott! The very concretion of the world he had been brought up
in, of the English point of view; symbolic figures of health,
reason, and the straight path, on which at that moment, seemingly,
he had turned his back. The Colonel's profile, ruddy through its
tan, with grey moustache guiltless of any wax, his cheery, high-
pitched: "Good-night, young Lennan!" His wife's curly smile, her
flat, cosy, confidential voice--how strange and remote they had
suddenly become! And all these people here, chattering, drinking--
how queer and far away! Or was it just that he was queer and
remote to them?
And getting up from his table, he passed the fiddlers with the
dark-white skins, out into the Place.