ACT TWO
Scene V
 

(Master Tailor, Apprentice Tailor carrying suit, Monsieur Jourdain, Lackeys)

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Ah! You're here! I was getting into a rage against you.

MASTER TAILOR
I could not come sooner, and I put twenty men to work on your suit.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
You sent me some silk hose so small that I had all the difficulty in the world putting them on, and already there are two broken stitches.

MASTER TAILOR
They get bigger, too much so.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Yes, if I always break the stitches. You also had made for me a pair of shoes that pinch furiously.

MASTER TAILOR
Not at all, sir.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
How, not at all!

MASTER TAILOR
No, they don't pinch you at all.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
I tell you, they pinch me.

MASTER TAILOR
You imagine that.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
I imagine it because I feel it. That's a good reason for you!

MASTER TAILOR
Wait, here is the finest court-suit, and the best matched. It's a masterpiece to have invented a serious suit that is not black. And I give six attempts to the best tailors to equal it.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
What's this? You've put the flowers upside down.

MASTER TAILOR
You didn't tell me you wanted them right side up.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Did I have to tell you that?

MASTER TAILOR
Yes, surely. All the people of quality wear them this way.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
The people of quality wear the flowers upside down?

MASTER TAILOR
Yes, Sir.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Oh! It's alright then.

MASTER TAILOR
If you like, I'll put them right side up.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
No, no.

MASTER TAILOR
You have only to say so.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
No, I tell you. You've made it very well. Do you think the suit is going to look good on me?

MASTER TAILOR
What a question! I defy a painter with his brush to do anything that would fit you better. I have a worker in my place who is the greatest genius in the world at mounting a rhinegrave, and another who is the hero of the age at assembling a doublet.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
The perruque and the plumes: are they correct?

MASTER TAILOR
Everything's good.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
(Looking at the tailor's suit) Ah! Ah! Monsieur Tailor, here's the material from the last suit you made for me. I know it well.

MASTER TAILOR
You see, the material seemed so fine that I wanted a suit made of it for myself.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Yes, but you should not have cut it out of mine.

MASTER TAILOR
Do you want to put on your suit?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Yes, give it to me.

MASTER TAILOR
Wait. That's not the way it's done. I have brought men to dress you in a cadence; these kinds of suits are put on with ceremony. Hey there! Come in, you! Put this suit on the gentleman the way you do with people of quality.

(Four APPRENTICE TAILORS enter, two of them pull off Monsieur Jourdain's breeches made for his morning exercises, and two others pull off his waistcoat; then they put on his new suit; Monsieur Jourdain promenades among them and shows them his suit for their approval. All this to the cadence of instrumental music.)

APPRENTICE TAILOR
My dear gentleman, please to give the apprentices a small tip.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
What did you call me?

APPRENTICE TAILOR
My dear gentleman.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
My dear gentleman! That's what it is to dress like people of quality! Go all your life dressed like a bourgeois and they'll never call you "My dear gentleman." Here, take this for the "My dear gentleman."

APPRENTICE TAILOR
My Lord, we are very much obliged to you.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
"My Lord!" Oh! Oh! "My Lord!" Wait, my friend. "My Lord" deserves something, and it's not a little word, this "My Lord." Take this. That's what "My Lord" gives you.

APPRENTICE TAILOR
My Lord, we will drink to the health of Your Grace.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
"Your Grace!" Oh! Oh! Oh! Wait, don't go. To me, "Your Grace!" My faith, if he goes as far as "Highness," he will have all my purse. Wait. That's for "My Grace."

APPRENTICE TAILOR
My Lord, we thank you very humbly for your liberality.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
He did well, I was going to give him everything.

(The four Apprentice Tailors celebrate with a dance, which comprises the Second Interlude.)