The Middle Class Gentleman by Jean Baptiste Poquelin Moliere

(Madame Jourdain, Monsieur Jourdain, Cléonte, etc.)

MADAME JOURDAIN
What now? What's this? They say that you want to give your daughter in marriage to a someone in a Carnival costume?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Will you be quiet, impertinent woman? You always throw your absurdities into everything, and there's no teaching you to be reasonable.

MADAME JOURDAIN
It's you that there is no way of making wise, and you go from folly to folly. What is your plan, and what do you want to do with this assemblage of people?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
I want to marry our daughter to the son of the Grand Turk.

MADAME JOURDAIN
To the son of the Grand Turk?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Yes. Greet him through the interpreter there.

MADAME JOURDAIN
I don't need an interpreter; and I'll tell him straight out myself, to his face, that there is no way he will have my daughter.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
I ask again, will you be quiet?

DORANTE
What! Madame Jourdain, do you oppose such good fortune as that? You refuse His Turkish Highness as your son-in-law?

MADAME JOURDAIN
My Goodness, Sir, mind your own business.

DORIMÈNE
It's a great glory, which is not to be rejected.

MADAME JOURDAIN
Madame, I beg you also not to concern yourself with what does not affect you.

DORANTE
It's the friendship we have for you that makes us involve ourselves in your interest.

MADAME JOURDAIN
I can get along quite well without your friendship.

DORANTE
Your daughter here agrees to the wishes of her father.

MADAME JOURDAIN
My daughter consents to marry a Turk?

DORANTE
Without doubt.

MADAME JOURDAIN
She can forget Cléonte?

DORANTE
What wouldn't one do to be a great lady?

MADAME JOURDAIN
I would strangle her with my own hands if she did something like that.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
That is just so much talk. I tell you, this marriage shall take place.

MADAME JOURDAIN
And I say there is no way that it will happen.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Oh, what a row!

LUCILE
Mother!

MADAME JOURDAIN
Go away, you are a hussy.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
What! You quarrel with her for obeying me?

MADAME JOURDAIN
Yes. She is mine as much as yours.

COVIELLE
Madame!

MADAME JOURDAIN
What do you want to tell me?

COVIELLE
A word.

MADAME JOURDAIN
I want nothing to do with your word.

COVIELLE
(To Monsieur Jourdain) Sir, if she will hear a word in private, I promise you to make her consent to what you want.

MADAME JOURDAIN
I will never consent to It.

COVIELLE
Only listen to me.

MADAME JOURDAIN
No.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Listen to him.

MADAME JOURDAIN
No, I don't want to listen to him.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
He is going tell you . . .

MADAME JOURDAIN
I don't want him to tell me anything whatsoever.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
There is the great stubbornness of a woman! How can it hurt you to listen to him?

COVIELLE
Just listen to me; after that you can do as you please.

MADAME JOURDAIN
Alright! What?

COVIELLE
(Aside to Madame Jourdain) For an hour, Madame, we've been signaling to you. Don't you see that all this is done only to accommodate ourselves to the fantasies of your husband, that we are fooling him under this disguise and that it is Cléonte himself who is the son of the Grand Turk?

MADAME JOURDAIN
Ah! Ah!

COVIELLE
And I, Covielle, am the interpreter?

MADAME JOURDAIN
Ah! If this is the case then, I surrender.

COVIELLE
Don't let on.

MADAME JOURDAIN
Yes, it's done, I agree to the marriage.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Ah! Now everyone's reasonable. You didn't want to hear it. I knew he would explain to you what it means to be the son of the Grand Turk.

MADAME JOURDAIN
He explained it to me very well, and I am satisfied. Let us send for a notary.

DORANTE
This is very well said. And finally, Madame Jourdain, in order to relieve your mind completely, and that you may lose today all the jealousy that you may have conceived of your husband, we shall have the same notary marry us, Madame and me.

MADAME JOURDAIN
I agree to that also.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Is this to make her believe our story?

DORANTE
(Aside to Monsieur Jourdain) It is necessary to amuse her with this pretence.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Good, good! Someone go for the notary.

DORANTE
While we wait for him to come and while he draws up the contracts, let us see our ballet, and divert His Turkish Highness with it.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
That is very well advised. Come, let's take our places.

MADAME JOURDAIN
And Nicole?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
I give her to the interpreter; and my wife to whoever wants her.

COVIELLE
Sir, I thank you. (Aside) If one can find a greater fool, I'll go to Rome to tell it.

(The comedy ends with a ballet.)