ACT THREE
Scene IV
 

(Count Dorante, Monsieur Jourdain, Madame Jourdain, Nicole)

DORANTE
My dear friend, Monsieur Jourdain, how do you do?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Very well, sir, to render you my small services.

DORANTE
And Madame Jourdain there, how is she?

MADAME JOURDAIN
Madame Jourdain is as well as she can be.

DORANTE
Well! Monsieur Jourdain, you are excellently well dressed!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
You see.

DORANTE
You have a fine air in that suit, and we have no young men at court who are better made than you.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Well! well!

MADAME JOURDAIN
(Aside) He scratches him where it itches.

DORANTE
Turn around. It's positively elegant.

MADAME JOURDAIN
(Aside) Yes, as big a fool behind as in front.

DORANTE
My faith, Monsieur Jourdain, I was strangely impatient to see you. You are the man in the world I esteem most, and I was speaking of you again this morning in the bedchamber of the King.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
You do me great honor, sir. (To Madame Jourdain) In the King's bedchamber!

DORANTE
Come, put on . . .

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Sir, I know the respect I owe you.

DORANTE
Heavens! Put on your hat; I pray you, no ceremony between us.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Sir . . .

DORANTE
Put it on, I tell you, Monsieur Jourdain: you are my friend.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Sir, I am your humble servant.

DORANTE
I won't be covered if you won't.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
(Putting on his hat) I would rather be uncivil than troublesome.

DORANTE
I am in your debt, as you know.

MADAME JOURDAIN
Yes, we know it all too well.

DORANTE
You have generously lent me money upon several occasions, and you have obliged me with the best grace in the world, assuredly.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Sir, you jest with me.

DORANTE
But I know how to repay what is lent me, and to acknowledge the favors rendered me.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
I have no doubt of it, sir.

DoRANTE
I want to settle this matter with you, and I came here to make up our accounts together.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
There wife! You see your impertinence!

DORANTE
I am a man who likes to repay debts as soon as I can.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
(Aside to Madame Jourdain) I told you so.

DORANTE
Let's see how much do I owe you.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
(Aside to Madame Jourdain) There you are, with your ridiculous suspicions.

DORANTE
Do you remember well all the money you have lent me?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
I believe so. I made a little note of it. Here it is. Once you were given two hundred louis d'or.

DORANTE
That's true.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Another time, six-score.

DORANTE
Yes.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
And another time, a hundred and forty.

DORANTE
You're right.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
These three items make four hundred and sixty louis d'or, which comes to five thousand sixty livres.

DORANTE
The account is quite right. Five thousand sixty livres.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
One thousand eight hundred thirty-two livres to your plume-maker.

DORANTE
Exactly.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Two thousand seven hundred eighty livres to your tailor.

DoRANTE
It's true.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Four thousand three hundred seventy-nine livres twelve sols eight deniers to your tradesman.

DORANTE
Quite right. Twelve sols eight deniers. The account is exact.

MONSIEUR JouRDAIN
And one thousand seven hundred forty-eight livres seven sols four deniers to your saddler.

DORANTE
All that is true. What does that come to?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Sum total, fifteen thousand eight hundred livres.

DORANTE
The sum total is exact: fifteen thousand eight hundred livres. To which add two hundred pistoles that you are going to give me, which will make exactly eighteen thousand francs, which I shall pay you at the first opportunity.

MADAME JOURDAIN
(Aside) Well, didn't I predict it?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Peace!

DORANTE
Will that inconvenience you, to give me the amount I say?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Oh, no!

MADAME JOURDAIN
(Aside) That man is making a milk-cow out of you!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Be quiet!

DoRANTE
If that inconveniences you, I will seek it somewhere else.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
NO, Sir.

MADAME JOURDAIN
(Aside) He won't be content until he's ruined you.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Be quiet, I tell you.

DORANTE
You have only to tell me if that embarrasses you.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Not at all, sir.

MADAME JOURDAIN
(Aside) He's a real wheedler!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Hush.

MADAME JOURDAIN
(Aside) He'll drain you to the last sou.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
Will you be quiet?

DORANTE
I have a number of people who would gladly lend it to me; but since you are my best friend, I believed I might do you wrong if I asked someone else for it.

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
It's too great an honor, sir, that you do me. I'll go get it for you.

MADAME JOURDAIN
(Aside) What! You're going to give it to him again?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN
What can I do? Do you want me to refuse a man of this station, who spoke about me this morning in the King's bedchamber?

MADAME JOURDAIN
(Aside) Go on, you're a true dupe.