ACT I
Scene IV.
 

The Duke of Albany's Palace.

Enter Kent, [disguised].

KENT
If but as well I other accents borrow,
That can my speech defuse, my good intent
May carry through itself to that full issue
For which I raz'd my likeness. Now, banish'd Kent,
If thou canst serve where thou dost stand condemn'd,
So may it come, thy master, whom thou lov'st,
Shall find thee full of labours.

Horns within. Enter Lear, [Knights,] and Attendants.

LEAR
Let me not stay a jot for dinner; go get it ready. [Exit
an Attendant.]
How now? What art thou?

KENT
A man, sir.

LEAR
What dost thou profess? What wouldst thou with us?

KENT
I do profess to be no less than I seem, to serve him truly
that will put me in trust, to love him that is honest, to
converse with him that is wise and says little, to fear
judgment, to fight when I cannot choose, and to eat no fish.

LEAR
What art thou?

KENT
A very honest-hearted fellow, and as poor as the King.

LEAR
If thou be'st as poor for a subject as he's for a king, thou
art poor enough. What wouldst thou?

KENT
Service.

LEAR
Who wouldst thou serve?

KENT
You.

LEAR
Dost thou know me, fellow?

KENT
No, sir; but you have that in your countenance which I would
fain call master.

LEAR
What's that?

KENT
Authority.

LEAR
What services canst thou do?

KENT
I can keep honest counsel, ride, run, mar a curious tale in
telling it and deliver a plain message bluntly. That which
ordinary men are fit for, I am qualified in, and the best of me
is diligence.

LEAR
How old art thou?

KENT
Not so young, sir, to love a woman for singing, nor so old to
dote on her for anything. I have years on my back forty-eight.

LEAR
Follow me; thou shalt serve me. If I like thee no worse after
dinner, I will not part from thee yet. Dinner, ho, dinner!
Where's my knave? my fool? Go you and call my fool hither.

[Exit an attendant.]

Enter [Oswald the] Steward.

You, you, sirrah, where's my daughter?

OSWALD
So please you-

Exit.

LEAR
What says the fellow there? Call the clotpoll back.
[Exit a Knight.] Where's my fool, ho? I think the world's
asleep.

[Enter Knight]

How now? Where's that mongrel?

KNIGHT
He says, my lord, your daughter is not well.

LEAR
Why came not the slave back to me when I call'd him?

KNIGHT
Sir, he answered me in the roundest manner, he would not.

LEAR
He would not?

KNIGHT
My lord, I know not what the matter is; but to my judgment
your Highness is not entertain'd with that ceremonious affection
as you were wont. There's a great abatement of kindness appears
as well in the general dependants as in the Duke himself also
and your daughter.

LEAR
Ha! say'st thou so?

KNIGHT
I beseech you pardon me, my lord, if I be mistaken; for
my duty cannot be silent when I think your Highness wrong'd.

LEAR
Thou but rememb'rest me of mine own conception. I have
perceived a most faint neglect of late, which I have rather
blamed as mine own jealous curiosity than as a very pretence
and purpose of unkindness. I will look further into't. But
where's my fool? I have not seen him this two days.

KNIGHT
Since my young lady's going into France, sir, the fool
hath much pined away.

LEAR
No more of that; I have noted it well. Go you and tell my
daughter I would speak with her. [Exit Knight.] Go you, call
hither my fool.

[Exit an Attendant.]

Enter [Oswald the] Steward.

O, you, sir, you! Come you hither, sir. Who am I, sir?

OSWALD
My lady's father.

LEAR
'My lady's father'? My lord's knave! You whoreson dog! you
slave! you cur!

OSWALD
I am none of these, my lord; I beseech your pardon.

LEAR
Do you bandy looks with me, you rascal?

[Strikes him.]

OSWALD
I'll not be strucken, my lord.

KENT
Nor tripp'd neither, you base football player?

[Trips up his heels.]

LEAR
I thank thee, fellow. Thou serv'st me, and I'll love thee.

KENT
Come, sir, arise, away! I'll teach you differences. Away,
away! If you will measure your lubber's length again, tarry; but
away! Go to! Have you wisdom? So.

[Pushes him out.]

LEAR
Now, my friendly knave, I thank thee. There's earnest of thy
service.

[Gives money.]

Enter Fool.

FOOL
Let me hire him too. Here's my coxcomb.

[Offers Kent his cap.]

LEAR
How now, my pretty knave? How dost thou?

FOOL
Sirrah, you were best take my coxcomb.

KENT
Why, fool?

FOOL
Why? For taking one's part that's out of favour. Nay, an thou
canst not smile as the wind sits, thou'lt catch cold shortly.
There, take my coxcomb! Why, this fellow hath banish'd two on's
daughters, and did the third a blessing against his will. If
thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb.- How now,
nuncle? Would I had two coxcombs and two daughters!

LEAR
Why, my boy?

FOOL
If I gave them all my living, I'ld keep my coxcombs myself.
There's mine! beg another of thy daughters.

LEAR
Take heed, sirrah- the whip.

FOOL
Truth's a dog must to kennel; he must be whipp'd out, when
Lady the brach may stand by th' fire and stink.

LEAR
A pestilent gall to me!

FOOL
Sirrah, I'll teach thee a speech.

LEAR
Do.

FOOL
Mark it, nuncle.

Have more than thou showest,
Speak less than thou knowest,
Lend less than thou owest,
Ride more than thou goest,
Learn more than thou trowest,
Set less than thou throwest;
Leave thy drink and thy whore,
And keep in-a-door,
And thou shalt have more
Than two tens to a score.

KENT
This is nothing, fool.

FOOL
Then 'tis like the breath of an unfeed lawyer- you gave me
nothing for't. Can you make no use of nothing, nuncle?

LEAR
Why, no, boy. Nothing can be made out of nothing.

FOOL
[to Kent] Prithee tell him, so much the rent of his land
comes to. He will not believe a fool.

LEAR
A bitter fool!

FOOL
Dost thou know the difference, my boy, between a bitter
fool and a sweet fool?

LEAR
No, lad; teach me.

FOOL


That lord that counsell'd thee
To give away thy land,
Come place him here by me-
Do thou for him stand.
The sweet and bitter fool
Will presently appear;
The one in motley here,
The other found out there.

LEAR
Dost thou call me fool, boy?

FOOL
All thy other titles thou hast given away; that thou wast
born with.

KENT
This is not altogether fool, my lord.

FOOL
No, faith; lords and great men will not let me. If I had a
monopoly out, they would have part on't. And ladies too, they
will not let me have all the fool to myself; they'll be
snatching. Give me an egg, nuncle, and I'll give thee two
crowns.

LEAR
What two crowns shall they be?

FOOL
Why, after I have cut the egg i' th' middle and eat up the
meat, the two crowns of the egg. When thou clovest thy crown i'
th' middle and gav'st away both parts, thou bor'st thine ass on
thy back o'er the dirt. Thou hadst little wit in thy bald crown
when thou gav'st thy golden one away. If I speak like myself in
this, let him be whipp'd that first finds it so.

[Sings]

Fools had ne'er less grace in a year,
For wise men are grown foppish;
They know not how their wits to wear,
Their manners are so apish.

LEAR
When were you wont to be so full of songs, sirrah?

FOOL
I have us'd it, nuncle, ever since thou mad'st thy daughters
thy mother; for when thou gav'st them the rod, and put'st down
thine own breeches,

[Sings]

Then they for sudden joy did weep,
And I for sorrow sung,
That such a king should play bo-peep
And go the fools among.

Prithee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach thy fool to
lie. I would fain learn to lie.

LEAR
An you lie, sirrah, we'll have you whipp'd.

FOOL
I marvel what kin thou and thy daughters are. They'll have me
whipp'd for speaking true; thou'lt have me whipp'd for lying;
and sometimes I am whipp'd for holding my peace. I had rather be
any kind o' thing than a fool! And yet I would not be thee,
nuncle. Thou hast pared thy wit o' both sides and left nothing
i' th' middle. Here comes one o' the parings.

Enter Goneril.

LEAR
How now, daughter? What makes that frontlet on? Methinks you
are too much o' late i' th' frown.

FOOL
Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no need to care for
her frowning. Now thou art an O without a figure. I am better
than thou art now: I am a fool, thou art nothing.
[To Goneril] Yes, forsooth, I will hold my tongue. So your face
bids me, though you say nothing. Mum, mum!

He that keeps nor crust nor crum,
Weary of all, shall want some.-

[Points at Lear] That's a sheal'd peascod.

GONERIL
Not only, sir, this your all-licens'd fool,
But other of your insolent retinue
Do hourly carp and quarrel, breaking forth
In rank and not-to-be-endured riots. Sir,
I had thought, by making this well known unto you,
To have found a safe redress, but now grow fearful,
By what yourself, too, late have spoke and done,
That you protect this course, and put it on
By your allowance; which if you should, the fault
Would not scape censure, nor the redresses sleep,
Which, in the tender of a wholesome weal,
Might in their working do you that offence
Which else were shame, that then necessity
Must call discreet proceeding.

FOOL
For you know, nuncle,

The hedge-sparrow fed the cuckoo so long
That it had it head bit off by it young.

So out went the candle, and we were left darkling.

LEAR
Are you our daughter?

GONERIL
Come, sir,
I would you would make use of that good wisdom
Whereof I know you are fraught, and put away
These dispositions that of late transform you
From what you rightly are.

FOOL
May not an ass know when the cart draws the horse?
Whoop, Jug, I love thee!

LEAR
Doth any here know me? This is not Lear.
Doth Lear walk thus? speak thus? Where are his eyes?
Either his notion weakens, his discernings
Are lethargied- Ha! waking? 'Tis not so!
Who is it that can tell me who I am?

FOOL
Lear's shadow.

LEAR
I would learn that; for, by the marks of sovereignty,
Knowledge, and reason, I should be false persuaded
I had daughters.

FOOL
Which they will make an obedient father.

LEAR
Your name, fair gentlewoman?

GONERIL
This admiration, sir, is much o' th' savour
Of other your new pranks. I do beseech you
To understand my purposes aright.
As you are old and reverend, you should be wise.
Here do you keep a hundred knights and squires;
Men so disorder'd, so debosh'd, and bold
That this our court, infected with their manners,
Shows like a riotous inn. Epicurism and lust
Make it more like a tavern or a brothel
Than a grac'd palace. The shame itself doth speak
For instant remedy. Be then desir'd
By her that else will take the thing she begs
A little to disquantity your train,
And the remainder that shall still depend
To be such men as may besort your age,
Which know themselves, and you.

LEAR
Darkness and devils!
Saddle my horses! Call my train together!
Degenerate bastard, I'll not trouble thee;
Yet have I left a daughter.

GONERIL
You strike my people, and your disorder'd rabble
Make servants of their betters.

Enter Albany.

LEAR
Woe that too late repents!- O, sir, are you come?
Is it your will? Speak, sir!- Prepare my horses.
Ingratitude, thou marble-hearted fiend,
More hideous when thou show'st thee in a child
Than the sea-monster!

ALBANY
Pray, sir, be patient.

LEAR
[to Goneril] Detested kite, thou liest!
My train are men of choice and rarest parts,
That all particulars of duty know
And in the most exact regard support
The worships of their name.- O most small fault,
How ugly didst thou in Cordelia show!
Which, like an engine, wrench'd my frame of nature
From the fix'd place; drew from my heart all love
And added to the gall. O Lear, Lear, Lear!
Beat at this gate that let thy folly in [Strikes his head.]
And thy dear judgment out! Go, go, my people.

ALBANY
My lord, I am guiltless, as I am ignorant
Of what hath mov'd you.

LEAR
It may be so, my lord.
Hear, Nature, hear! dear goddess, hear!
Suspend thy purpose, if thou didst intend
To make this creature fruitful.
Into her womb convey sterility;
Dry up in her the organs of increase;
And from her derogate body never spring
A babe to honour her! If she must teem,
Create her child of spleen, that it may live
And be a thwart disnatur'd torment to her.
Let it stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth,
With cadent tears fret channels in her cheeks,
Turn all her mother's pains and benefits
To laughter and contempt, that she may feel
How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child! Away, away!

Exit.

ALBANY
Now, gods that we adore, whereof comes this?

GONERIL
Never afflict yourself to know the cause;
But let his disposition have that scope
That dotage gives it.

Enter Lear.

LEAR
What, fifty of my followers at a clap?
Within a fortnight?

ALBANY
What's the matter, sir?

LEAR
I'll tell thee. [To Goneril] Life and death! I am asham'd
That thou hast power to shake my manhood thus;
That these hot tears, which break from me perforce,
Should make thee worth them. Blasts and fogs upon thee!
Th' untented woundings of a father's curse
Pierce every sense about thee!- Old fond eyes,
Beweep this cause again, I'll pluck ye out,
And cast you, with the waters that you lose,
To temper clay. Yea, is it come to this?
Let it be so. Yet have I left a daughter,
Who I am sure is kind and comfortable.
When she shall hear this of thee, with her nails
She'll flay thy wolvish visage. Thou shalt find
That I'll resume the shape which thou dost think
I have cast off for ever; thou shalt, I warrant thee.

Exeunt [Lear, Kent, and Attendants].

GONERIL
Do you mark that, my lord?

ALBANY
I cannot be so partial, Goneril,
To the great love I bear you -

GONERIL
Pray you, content.- What, Oswald, ho!
[To the Fool] You, sir, more knave than fool, after your master!

FOOL
Nuncle Lear, nuncle Lear, tarry! Take the fool with thee.

A fox when one has caught her,
And such a daughter,
Should sure to the slaughter,
If my cap would buy a halter.
So the fool follows after.

Exit.

GONERIL
This man hath had good counsel! A hundred knights?
'Tis politic and safe to let him keep
At point a hundred knights; yes, that on every dream,
Each buzz, each fancy, each complaint, dislike,
He may enguard his dotage with their pow'rs
And hold our lives in mercy.- Oswald, I say!

ALBANY
Well, you may fear too far.

GONERIL
Safer than trust too far.
Let me still take away the harms I fear,
Not fear still to be taken. I know his heart.
What he hath utter'd I have writ my sister.
If she sustain him and his hundred knights,
When I have show'd th' unfitness-

Enter [Oswald the] Steward.

How now, Oswald?
What, have you writ that letter to my sister?

OSWALD
Yes, madam.

GONERIL
Take you some company, and away to horse!
Inform her full of my particular fear,
And thereto add such reasons of your own
As may compact it more. Get you gone,
And hasten your return. [Exit Oswald.] No, no, my lord!
This milky gentleness and course of yours,
Though I condemn it not, yet, under pardon,
You are much more at task for want of wisdom
Than prais'd for harmful mildness.

ALBANY
How far your eyes may pierce I cannot tell.
Striving to better, oft we mar what's well.

GONERIL
Nay then-

ALBANY
Well, well; th' event.

Exeunt.