ACT V
Scene III.
 

Gloucestershire. SHALLOW'S orchard

Enter FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, SILENCE, BARDOLPH, the PAGE, and DAVY

SHALLOW

Nay, you shall see my orchard, where, in an arbour, we
will eat a last year's pippin of mine own graffing, with a dish
of caraways, and so forth. Come, cousin Silence. And then to bed.

FALSTAFF

Fore God, you have here a goodly dwelling and rich.

SHALLOW

Barren, barren, barren; beggars all, beggars all, Sir John
-marry, good air. Spread, Davy, spread, Davy; well said, Davy.

FALSTAFF

This Davy serves you for good uses; he is your
serving-man and your husband.

SHALLOW

A good varlet, a good varlet, a very good varlet, Sir
John. By the mass, I have drunk too much sack at supper. A good
varlet. Now sit down, now sit down; come, cousin.

SILENCE

Ah, sirrah! quoth-a- we shall [Singing]

Do nothing but eat and make good cheer,
And praise God for the merry year;
When flesh is cheap and females dear,
And lusty lads roam here and there,
So merrily,
And ever among so merrily.

FALSTAFF

There's a merry heart! Good Master Silence, I'll give you
a health for that anon.

SHALLOW

Give Master Bardolph some wine, Davy.

DAVY

Sweet sir, sit; I'll be with you anon; most sweet sir, sit.
Master Page, good Master Page, sit. Proface! What you want in
meat, we'll have in drink. But you must bear; the heart's all.

Exit

SHALLOW

Be merry, Master Bardolph; and, my little soldier there,
be merry.

SILENCE

[Singing]

Be merry, be merry, my wife has all;
For women are shrews, both short and tall;
'Tis merry in hall when beards wag an;
And welcome merry Shrove-tide.
Be merry, be merry.

FALSTAFF

I did not think Master Silence had been a man of this
mettle.

SILENCE

Who, I? I have been merry twice and once ere now.

Re-enter DAVY

DAVY

[To BARDOLPH] There's a dish of leather-coats for you.

SHALLOW

Davy!

DAVY

Your worship! I'll be with you straight. [To BARDOLPH]
A cup of wine, sir?

SILENCE

[Singing]

A cup of wine that's brisk and fine,
And drink unto the leman mine;
And a merry heart lives long-a.

FALSTAFF

Well said, Master Silence.

SILENCE

An we shall be merry, now comes in the sweet o' th' night.

FALSTAFF

Health and long life to you, Master Silence!

SILENCE

[Singing]

Fill the cup, and let it come,
I'll pledge you a mile to th' bottom.

SHALLOW

Honest Bardolph, welcome; if thou want'st anything and
wilt not call, beshrew thy heart. Welcome, my little tiny thief
and welcome indeed too. I'll drink to Master Bardolph, and to all
the cabileros about London.

DAVY

I hope to see London once ere I die.

BARDOLPH

An I might see you there, Davy!

SHALLOW

By the mass, you'R crack a quart together- ha! will you
not, Master Bardolph?

BARDOLPH

Yea, sir, in a pottle-pot.

SHALLOW

By God's liggens, I thank thee. The knave will stick by
thee, I can assure thee that. 'A will not out, 'a; 'tis true
bred.

BARDOLPH

And I'll stick by him, sir.

SHALLOW

Why, there spoke a king. Lack nothing; be merry.
[One knocks at door] Look who's at door there, ho! Who knocks?

Exit DAVY

FALSTAFF

[To SILENCE, who has drunk a bumper] Why, now you have
done me right.

SILENCE

[Singing]

Do me right,
And dub me knight.
Samingo.

Is't not so?

FALSTAFF

'Tis so.

SILENCE

Is't so? Why then, say an old man can do somewhat.

Re-enter DAVY

DAVY

An't please your worship, there's one Pistol come from the
court with news.

FALSTAFF

From the court? Let him come in.

Enter PISTOL

How now, Pistol?

PISTOL

Sir John, God save you!

FALSTAFF

What wind blew you hither, Pistol?

PISTOL

Not the ill wind which blows no man to good. Sweet knight,
thou art now one of the greatest men in this realm.

SILENCE

By'r lady, I think 'a be, but goodman Puff of Barson.

PISTOL

Puff!
Puff in thy teeth, most recreant coward base!
Sir John, I am thy Pistol and thy friend,
And helter-skelter have I rode to thee;
And tidings do I bring, and lucky joys,
And golden times, and happy news of price.

FALSTAFF

I pray thee now, deliver them like a man of this world.

PISTOL

A foutra for the world and worldlings base!
I speak of Africa and golden joys.

FALSTAFF

O base Assyrian knight, what is thy news?
Let King Cophetua know the truth thereof.

SILENCE

[Singing] And Robin Hood, Scarlet, and John.

PISTOL

Shall dunghill curs confront the Helicons?
And shall good news be baffled?
Then, Pistol, lay thy head in Furies' lap.

SHALLOW

Honest gentleman, I know not your breeding.

PISTOL

Why, then, lament therefore.

SHALLOW

Give me pardon, sir. If, sir, you come with news from the
court, I take it there's but two ways- either to utter them or
conceal them. I am, sir, under the King, in some authority.

PISTOL

Under which king, Bezonian? Speak, or die.

SHALLOW

Under King Harry.

PISTOL

Harry the Fourth- or Fifth?

SHALLOW

Harry the Fourth.

PISTOL

A foutra for thine office!
Sir John, thy tender lambkin now is King;
Harry the Fifth's the man. I speak the truth.
When Pistol lies, do this; and fig me, like
The bragging Spaniard.

FALSTAFF

What, is the old king dead?

PISTOL

As nail in door. The things I speak are just.

FALSTAFF

Away, Bardolph! saddle my horse. Master Robert Shallow,
choose what office thou wilt in the land, 'tis thine. Pistol, I
will double-charge thee with dignities.

BARDOLPH

O joyful day!
I would not take a knighthood for my fortune.

PISTOL

What, I do bring good news?

FALSTAFF

Carry Master Silence to bed. Master Shallow, my Lord
Shallow, be what thou wilt- I am Fortune's steward. Get on thy
boots; we'll ride all night. O sweet Pistol! Away, Bardolph!
[Exit BARDOLPH] Come, Pistol, utter more to me; and withal
devise something to do thyself good. Boot, boot, Master Shallow!
I know the young King is sick for me. Let us take any man's
horses: the laws of England are at my commandment. Blessed are
they that have been my friends; and woe to my Lord Chief Justice!

PISTOL

Let vultures vile seize on his lungs also!
'Where is the life that late I led?' say they.
Why, here it is; welcome these pleasant days!

Exeunt