Tell him simply that his friend
Mr. Tartuffe has sent me, for his goods . . .
DORINE (to Orgon)
It is a man who comes, with civil manners,
Sent by Tartuffe, he says, upon an errand
That you'll be pleased with.
CLEANTE (to Orgon)
Surely you must see him,
And find out who he is, and what he wants.
ORGON (to Cleante)
Perhaps he's come to make it up between us:
How shall I treat him?
You must not get angry;
And if he talks of reconciliation
MR. LOYAL (to Orgon)
Sir, good-day. And Heaven send
Harm to your enemies, favour to you.
ORGON (aside to Cleante)
This mild beginning suits with my conjectures
And promises some compromise already.
All of your house has long been dear to me;
I had the honour, sir, to serve your father.
Sir, I am much ashamed, and ask your pardon
For not recalling now your face or name.
My name is Loyal. I'm from Normandy.
My office is court-bailiff, in despite
Of envy; and for forty years, thank Heaven,
It's been my fortune to perform that office
With honour. So I've come, sir, by your leave
To render service of a certain writ . . .
Pray, sir, don't be angry.
'Tis nothing, sir, but just a little summons:--
Order to vacate, you and yours, this house,
Move out your furniture, make room for others,
And that without delay or putting off,
As needs must be . . .
Yes, please, sir
The house is now, as you well know, of course,
Mr. Tartuffe's. And he, beyond dispute,
Of all your goods is henceforth lord and master
By virtue of a contract here attached,
Drawn in due form, and unassailable.
DAMIS (to Mr. Loyal)
Your insolence is monstrous, and astounding!
MR. LOYAL (to Damis)
I have no business, sir, that touches you;
(Pointing to Orgon)
This is the gentleman. He's fair and courteous,
And knows too well a gentleman's behaviour
To wish in any wise to question justice.
Sir, I know you would not for a million
Wish to rebel; like a good citizen
You'll let me put in force the court's decree.
Your long black gown may well, before you know it,
Mister Court-bailiff, get a thorough beating.
MR. LOYAL (to Orgon)
Sir, make your son be silent or withdraw.
I should be loath to have to set things down,
And see your names inscribed in my report.
This Mr. Loyal's looks are most disloyal.
I have much feeling for respectable
And honest folk like you, sir, and consented
To serve these papers, only to oblige you,
And thus prevent the choice of any other
Who, less possessed of zeal for you than I am
Might order matters in less gentle fashion.
And how could one do worse than order people
Out of their house?
Why, we allow you time;
And even will suspend until to-morrow
The execution of the order, sir.
I'll merely, without scandal, quietly,
Come here and spend the night, with half a score
Of officers; and just for form's sake, please,
You'll bring your keys to me, before retiring.
I will take care not to disturb your rest,
And see there's no unseemly conduct here.
But by to-morrow, and at early morning,
You must make haste to move your least belongings;
My men will help you--I have chosen strong ones
To serve you, sir, in clearing out the house.
No one could act more generously, I fancy,
And, since I'm treating you with great indulgence,
I beg you'll do as well by me, and see
I'm not disturbed in my discharge of duty.
I'd give this very minute, and not grudge it,
The hundred best gold louis I have left,
If I could just indulge myself, and land
My fist, for one good square one, on his snout.
CLEANTE (aside to Orgon)
Careful!--don't make things worse.
I hardly can restrain myself. My hands
Are itching to be at him.
By my faith,
With such a fine broad back, good Mr. Loyal,
A little beating would become you well.
My girl, such infamous words are actionable.
And warrants can be issued against women.
CLEANTE (to Mr. Loyal)
Enough of this discussion, sir; have done.
Give us the paper, and then leave us, pray.
Then /au revoir/. Heaven keep you from disaster!
May Heaven confound you both, you and your master!