ACT IV
Scene 1
 

PETRUCHIO'S country house

Enter GRUMIO

GRUMIO
Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and
all foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? Was ever man so ray'd?
Was ever man so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and
they are coming after to warm them. Now were not I a little
pot and soon hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my
tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I
should come by a fire to thaw me. But I with blowing the fire
shall warm myself; for, considering the weather, a taller man
than I will take cold.
Holla, ho! Curtis!

Enter CURTIS

CURTIS
Who is that calls so coldly?

GRUMIO
A piece of ice. If thou doubt it, thou mayst slide from
my shoulder to my heel with no greater a run but my head and
my neck. A fire, good Curtis.

CURTIS
Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?

GRUMIO
O, ay, Curtis, ay; and therefore fire, fire; cast on no water.

CURTIS
Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?

GRUMIO
She was, good Curtis, before this frost; but thou
know'st winter tames man, woman, and beast; for it hath tam'd
my old master, and my new mistress, and myself, fellow Curtis.

CURTIS
Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.

GRUMIO
Am I but three inches? Why, thy horn is a foot, and so
long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I
complain on thee to our mistress, whose hand- she being now
at hand- thou shalt soon feel, to thy cold comfort, for being
slow in thy hot office?

CURTIS
I prithee, good Grumio, tell me how goes the world?

GRUMIO
A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and
therefore fire. Do thy duty, and have thy duty, for my master
and mistress are almost frozen to death.

CURTIS
There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news?

GRUMIO
Why, 'Jack boy! ho, boy!' and as much news as thou wilt.

CURTIS
Come, you are so full of cony-catching!

GRUMIO
Why, therefore, fire; for I have caught extreme cold.
Where's the cook? Is supper ready, the house trimm'd, rushes
strew'd, cobwebs swept, the serving-men in their new fustian,
their white stockings, and every officer his wedding-garment on?
Be the jacks fair within, the jills fair without, the carpets
laid, and everything in order?

CURTIS
All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news.

GRUMIO
First know my horse is tired; my master and mistress fall'n out.

CURTIS
How?

GRUMIO
Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby hangs a tale.

CURTIS
Let's ha't, good Grumio.

GRUMIO
Lend thine ear.

CURTIS
Here.

GRUMIO
There.

[Striking him]

CURTIS
This 'tis to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.

GRUMIO
And therefore 'tis call'd a sensible tale; and this
cuff was but to knock at your car and beseech list'ning. Now I begin:
Imprimis, we came down a foul hill, my master riding behind
my mistress-

CURTIS
Both of one horse?

GRUMIO
What's that to thee?

CURTIS
Why, a horse.

GRUMIO
Tell thou the tale. But hadst thou not cross'd me, thou
shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she under her
horse; thou shouldst have heard in how miry a place, how she
was bemoil'd, how he left her with the horse upon her, how he
beat me because her horse stumbled, how she waded through the
dirt to pluck him off me, how he swore, how she pray'd that
never pray'd before, how I cried, how the horses ran away,
how her bridle was burst, how I lost my crupper- with many
things of worthy memory, which now shall die in oblivion, and
thou return unexperienc'd to thy grave.

CURTIS
By this reck'ning he is more shrew than she.

GRUMIO
Ay, and that thou and the proudest of you all shall
find when he comes home. But what talk I of this? Call forth
Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and
the rest; let their heads be sleekly comb'd, their blue coats
brush'd and their garters of an indifferent knit; let them
curtsy with their left legs, and not presume to touch a hair
of my mastcr's horse-tail till they kiss their hands. Are
they all ready?

CURTIS
They are.

GRUMIO
Call them forth.

CURTIS
Do you hear, ho? You must meet my master, to
countenance my mistress.

GRUMIO
Why, she hath a face of her own.

CURTIS
Who knows not that?

GRUMIO
Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance her.

CURTIS
I call them forth to credit her.

GRUMIO
Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.

Enter four or five SERVINGMEN

NATHANIEL
Welcome home, Grumio!

PHILIP
How now, Grumio!

JOSEPH
What, Grumio!

NICHOLAS
Fellow Grumio!

NATHANIEL
How now, old lad!

GRUMIO
Welcome, you!- how now, you!- what, you!- fellow, you!-
and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce companions, is all
ready, and all things neat?

NATHANIEL
All things is ready. How near is our master?

GRUMIO
E'en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore be not-
Cock's passion, silence! I hear my master.

Enter PETRUCHIO and KATHERINA

PETRUCHIO
Where be these knaves? What, no man at door
To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse!
Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?

ALL SERVANTS
Here, here, sir; here, sir.

PETRUCHIO
Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir!
You logger-headed and unpolish'd grooms!
What, no attendance? no regard? no duty?
Where is the foolish knave I sent before?

GRUMIO
Here, sir; as foolish as I was before.

PETRUCHIO
YOU peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge!
Did I not bid thee meet me in the park
And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?

GRUMIO
Nathaniel's coat, sir, was not fully made,
And Gabriel's pumps were all unpink'd i' th' heel;
There was no link to colour Peter's hat,
And Walter's dagger was not come from sheathing;
There were none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory;
The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly;
Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.

PETRUCHIO
Go, rascals, go and fetch my supper in.

Exeunt some of the SERVINGMEN

[Sings]
Where is the life that late I led?
Where are those-

Sit down, Kate, and welcome. Soud, soud, soud, soud!

Re-enter SERVANTS with supper

Why, when, I say? Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.
Off with my boots, you rogues! you villains, when?

[Sings] It was the friar of orders grey,
As he forth walked on his way-

Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry;
Take that, and mend the plucking off the other.

[Strikes him]

Be merry, Kate. Some water, here, what, ho!

Enter one with water

Where's my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence,
And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:

Exit SERVINGMAN

One, Kate, that you must kiss and be acquainted with.
Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water?
Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.
You whoreson villain! will you let it fall?

[Strikes him]

KATHERINA
Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling.

PETRUCHIO
A whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knave!
Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.
Will you give thanks, sweet Kate, or else shall I?
What's this? Mutton?

FIRST SERVANT
Ay.

PETRUCHIO
Who brought it?

PETER
I.

PETRUCHIO
'Tis burnt; and so is all the meat.
What dogs are these? Where is the rascal cook?
How durst you villains bring it from the dresser
And serve it thus to me that love it not?
There, take it to you, trenchers, cups, and all;

[Throws the meat, etc., at them]

You heedless joltheads and unmanner'd slaves!
What, do you grumble? I'll be with you straight.

Exeunt SERVANTS

KATHERINA
I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet;
The meat was well, if you were so contented.

PETRUCHIO
I tell thee, Kate, 'twas burnt and dried away,
And I expressly am forbid to touch it;
For it engenders choler, planteth anger;
And better 'twere that both of us did fast,
Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,
Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.
Be patient; to-morrow 't shall be mended.
And for this night we'll fast for company.
Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.

Exeunt

Re-enter SERVANTS severally

NATHANIEL
Peter, didst ever see the like?

PETER
He kills her in her own humour.

Re-enter CURTIS

GRUMIO
Where is he?

CURTIS
In her chamber. Making a sermon of continency to her,
And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,
Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak.
And sits as one new risen from a dream.
Away, away! for he is coming hither.

Exeunt

Re-enter PETRUCHIO

PETRUCHIO
Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
And 'tis my hope to end successfully.
My falcon now is sharp and passing empty.
And till she stoop she must not be full-gorg'd,
For then she never looks upon her lure.
Another way I have to man my haggard,
To make her come, and know her keeper's call,
That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
That bate and beat, and will not be obedient.
She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;
Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not;
As with the meat, some undeserved fault
I'll find about the making of the bed;
And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
This way the coverlet, another way the sheets;
Ay, and amid this hurly I intend
That all is done in reverend care of her-
And, in conclusion, she shall watch all night;
And if she chance to nod I'll rail and brawl
And with the clamour keep her still awake.
This is a way to kill a wife with kindness,
And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
Now let him speak; 'tis charity to show.

Exit